Seriously?
I’m a member of a forum about babies. I joined when TTC, and then I started going to the Adoption sub-forum when going through that process, then the parenting boards when D arrived, and a few others here and there. Mostly they are supportive (if snarky), humorous, somewhat educational (though always cross-reference “big” stuff people advise), and a fun distraction.
A few of the boards have something called Unpopular Opinion Thursday. This morning, someone’s UOT was that there’s a reason some people can’t get pregnant. I’m not sure if this is even that unpopular an opinion. I even had someone I consider a friend say that to me not long ago, and I didn’t let it bother me because she was respectful about it and apologetic later. And, it’s not like it’s something I haven’t spent a great deal of time wondering about.
I mean, yeah, there you are having your date with the dildo-cam for the hundredth time wondering if this is really the right thing to be doing. Or when you start your period at work and you sit in the stall and have a silent cry yet again and wallow in the “Why me?” moment. Yeah, the thoughts about whether you’re really meant to have a baby certainly creep into your mind. You may even turn those thoughts around and look at them from every angle and wonder. You may even go into a depression about it, or you may fight back in rebellion. But I guarantee if you’ve had trouble TTC, maybe even 6 or 12 cycles, you’ve probably had those thoughts, and the more doctor appointments and the more periods that wrack your body and mind, the more you’re likely to have considered it.
Now, I won’t presume to know what God is thinking. I do believe that there is a God and that God has a master plan. Personally I don’t know that God is in the background pulling all the strings to manipulate everyone’s daily life, but I do think that the big things that happen, happen for a reason. It’s not something I think about when I’m in the throes of a “Why me?” moment, but when things are going good, I do think so.
An example: DH and I are a wonderful couple. Not to make you sick, but I can’t imagine having a better marriage, a better partner, a better best friend, etc. But it wasn’t always like that. Just 5 years ago I was breaking up with my first husband, begging for separation or counseling, threatening divorce, etc etc, all while my mother lay dying of cancer. I know that if a few things hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be in the unbelievably happy place I’m in now. 1) If I hadn’t married my crappy ex-husband. I don’t know what would have happened, but I think it’s likely I would have fallen in love with a man who was “good enough”, maybe even had kids when I was still able to have kids (my ex is the one who put off having kids until I was threatening divorce 6 or 7 years later, and by then I knew that was a terrible idea). If I had married a guy who was “good enough” and had kids, I know I probably wouldn’t have divorced him. 2) I had to have a major push, something huge to rock my pathetic world and make me realize I really did deserve better than an emotionally abusive horrific life I had back then. I’m not saying God killed my mother so that I could marry my husband; that would be unbelievably egotistical. But I do think some good came of her illness and passing, at least in my life (and yes, of course I mourn her every day), in the form of being a catalyst for my own change. And of course there are other things that had to happen in DH’s life to get us to the position we’re currently in. I truly believe that my first marriage was a “placeholder” in my life, and that this end result is all part of God’s plan.
I can’t look in my daughter’s beautiful eyes, which are shockingly similar to my sister’s darker blue-gray ones, without thinking that all of the heartache of TTC, infertility, difficulties getting approved to be foster parents, short-term-placements, etc, wasn’t all somehow magically or supernaturally aligned to bring her into our lives. Even if we don’t get to adopt her, she has shaped who we are and who we will be for the rest of our lives, and I definitely believe there was a divine hand helping those things fall into place.
So, yeah, I do think there’s a reason why some couples can’t conceive. But I don’t think it has anything to do with a weakness in their DNA or God’s way of telling them they weren’t meant to be parents. It might be to help them appreciate their child more when s/he arrives, it might be to guide just the right child into their lives via adoption, it might be a “placeholder” until the planets align properly lol, or there may be some other purpose. But it is most certainly not a sign from God that this couple is somehow inferior in genetic material or in parenting ability!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Pediatric GI appointment
D had her pedi GI appointment today. i guess you could say it went well, once we actually got in (they required our foster parent paperwork, which surprised us as we've never needed it before, and we didn't have it with us, so we had to place an emergency call to the caseworker to have it faxed... and we waited about an hour for it. i can't complain, though, since she did do us a favor.).
They are increasing her Zantac dose slightly per weight gain, and increasing her Prevacid from once daily to twice daily. i expect that to help a lot. They're also going to do a swallow study to see if there's any physiological problem causing this, referring her to an Ear, Nose, and Throat for a scope to check for laryngomalacia, and referring her to a food therapist who will work with her on the food aversion problems.
Laryngomalacia = similar to the tracheomalacia that was ruled out a month or two ago when she had the big upper GI study (and other X-rays), but instead of the trachea collapsing upon inhale, it's the larynx. Why it wasn't ruled out, too (or ruled in), i cannot say, perhaps it needs different tests? At any rate, apparently it's very common with reflux and again they almost never do surgery or any treatment other than treat the reflux.
They are increasing her Zantac dose slightly per weight gain, and increasing her Prevacid from once daily to twice daily. i expect that to help a lot. They're also going to do a swallow study to see if there's any physiological problem causing this, referring her to an Ear, Nose, and Throat for a scope to check for laryngomalacia, and referring her to a food therapist who will work with her on the food aversion problems.
Laryngomalacia = similar to the tracheomalacia that was ruled out a month or two ago when she had the big upper GI study (and other X-rays), but instead of the trachea collapsing upon inhale, it's the larynx. Why it wasn't ruled out, too (or ruled in), i cannot say, perhaps it needs different tests? At any rate, apparently it's very common with reflux and again they almost never do surgery or any treatment other than treat the reflux.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Disappointment
So the insurance thing sucks. We've had to wait until Jan 1 for my Lapex surgery because DH's insurance doesn't have out-of-network coverage. There was an out-of-network option, but i didn't realize and he didn't realize and we didn't get it. My insurance at work sucks, so i opted out of it last year. And the surgeon is out-of-network, and we can't afford tens of thousands of dollars in cash. So... we figured we would wait until the open enrollment and change to something with out-of-network coverage and get the surgery after the beginning of the year.
Guess what? His insurance is going to suck even worse than my option at work. For out-of-network it will be an $8k cash outlay basically. For mine i think it will be $4k cash. So now i'm not sure if i will be having surgery in January. Or when i will be able to. i'll have to find out how the two insurances would work if we had double-coverage, but i'm pretty sure it would be $4k outlay minimum.
i'm trying to digest this right now. It's very depressing. i don't understand insurance well enough to know what to do, but i feel like melting into a big puddle of tears. i'm in enough pain 2 out of every 3 days that i can't do some of the things i used to enjoy (i.e. horseback ride, take long walks, so many things), and i know it will only get worse.
Right now, i don't know what to do but put my ready-made Etsy items on sale. i'm going to put a thing or two on sale every week at a steep discount (no discount for custom items obviously as i'd have to buy new supplies), and hope people keep coming back to see the new item :). Just in time for Christmas? Come one, come all. Big sale. Okay, i'm done. i've already made myself sick.
Guess what? His insurance is going to suck even worse than my option at work. For out-of-network it will be an $8k cash outlay basically. For mine i think it will be $4k cash. So now i'm not sure if i will be having surgery in January. Or when i will be able to. i'll have to find out how the two insurances would work if we had double-coverage, but i'm pretty sure it would be $4k outlay minimum.
i'm trying to digest this right now. It's very depressing. i don't understand insurance well enough to know what to do, but i feel like melting into a big puddle of tears. i'm in enough pain 2 out of every 3 days that i can't do some of the things i used to enjoy (i.e. horseback ride, take long walks, so many things), and i know it will only get worse.
Right now, i don't know what to do but put my ready-made Etsy items on sale. i'm going to put a thing or two on sale every week at a steep discount (no discount for custom items obviously as i'd have to buy new supplies), and hope people keep coming back to see the new item :). Just in time for Christmas? Come one, come all. Big sale. Okay, i'm done. i've already made myself sick.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Just say no (to the swine flu)
So, we (well, really Alan since he's the only one who can care for her currently) were braced for a long, hard night of a baby who would wake a lot. She was up kind of late and not very tired, and we were stressed. Guess what? She STTN! i'm sure it was because she was in her swing, but we'll take it!
This morning she didn't have a fever, but Alan took her to the doctor, who said she does not have the flu. Yay! She has bronchialitis (basically a chest cold) and yesterday was probably the worst day. So that's very good news! Sadly, i still can't love on her, but maybe i won't be contagious much longer. i think not anyway :).
The other good news is that D was weighed and is still growing, despite her fighting EVERY SINGLE BOTTLE we (or daycare) give her. Poor thing! Reflux is torture, i tell you (when it's severe anyway). She's gained a little over a pound and a half in 3 weeks, and is now between 25 and 50 percentile on the growth chart. She started out off the charts below 5%! Yay!
This morning she didn't have a fever, but Alan took her to the doctor, who said she does not have the flu. Yay! She has bronchialitis (basically a chest cold) and yesterday was probably the worst day. So that's very good news! Sadly, i still can't love on her, but maybe i won't be contagious much longer. i think not anyway :).
The other good news is that D was weighed and is still growing, despite her fighting EVERY SINGLE BOTTLE we (or daycare) give her. Poor thing! Reflux is torture, i tell you (when it's severe anyway). She's gained a little over a pound and a half in 3 weeks, and is now between 25 and 50 percentile on the growth chart. She started out off the charts below 5%! Yay!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
H1N1?
Ugh, what a week.
Sunday D started coughing again. She's seriously been sick every other week since she started daycare. And because i have a weak immune system, i've gotten everything she's gotten. So, i got the seasonal flu shot like a month ago, and was holding out on the H1N1 vaccine until the injection came out. (The nasal thing is live and the shot is killed, and i'd rather have the killed all things considered, young baby, weak immune system, etc).
Monday i started not feeling great. Nasal congestion and such. i got home and felt worn down. i stayed up until Alan got home and when i stood up, i felt like i was dying. i took my temp before bed and it was 99.7 i think (can't remember for sure, but above 99 but below 1oo). i wasn't tooo worried.
All night i felt awful. Tossed and turned, moaned and groaned. Poor D coughed and coughed on the monitor all night, too. When i got up Tuesday morning, i took my temp and it was 100.4. D didn't have a fever, 98-something normal. i called in to work and went to the Walgreen's clinic (different one from the story a month or so ago, but not a much better story).
The NP didn't want to give me the flu test. She said she knew i had the flu from my symptoms and fever (which had gotten as high as 101.2 pre-Tylenol), and given my weak immune system she was going to give me Tamiflu regardless. She said the test has a 30% false negative rate. i wanted to KNOW, because it might affect how i deal with D (if we should try to get her preventative Tamiflu or something...), with daycare, whether Alan would need to take time off from work, etc. i didn't see the harm in taking the test. She argued with me, was rather harsh IMO (i.e. treated me like i was an idiot), eventually made me almost cry, then raising her voice and saying over and over again "You do not need to cry!" Let's just say i'm never going back to a Take Care clinic and will likely transfer my Rx's from Walgreens period. Ugh!
Anyway, she finally did the test. She also did the strep test. And she made a big damn deal about how she was going to do EVERYTHING for me. Both Influenza A/B tests and the Strep A test were negative. But, she gave me Tamiflu anyway, telling me she was sure i had the flu. And since i had the seasonal vax, i can only assume it's H1N1, so we have been treating it as such. We called the pediatrician, who never called us back. i've been avoiding her and everything she touches for 48 hours.
i haven't held my baby in 2 days. i have only seen her across the room. It just hurts so much! i've been so careful. And now...
A few hours ago her temp went up to 99.4. Then 100.4. We called the on-call doctor, who said to give Tylenol (we already had) and make an appointment for the morning. She said not to go to the ER unless the temp went up to 102 with Tylenol or her breathing became labored.
And i STILL can't hold my baby because i'm not 100% sure it's the same thing. It's weird that she's had the symptoms so long and only now getting a fever, and the symptoms worsening. i guess she could have a cold and now the flu. But i don't want to take chances. Poor Pre-Toddler D! Poor Alan trying to care for us both, too.
Sunday D started coughing again. She's seriously been sick every other week since she started daycare. And because i have a weak immune system, i've gotten everything she's gotten. So, i got the seasonal flu shot like a month ago, and was holding out on the H1N1 vaccine until the injection came out. (The nasal thing is live and the shot is killed, and i'd rather have the killed all things considered, young baby, weak immune system, etc).
Monday i started not feeling great. Nasal congestion and such. i got home and felt worn down. i stayed up until Alan got home and when i stood up, i felt like i was dying. i took my temp before bed and it was 99.7 i think (can't remember for sure, but above 99 but below 1oo). i wasn't tooo worried.
All night i felt awful. Tossed and turned, moaned and groaned. Poor D coughed and coughed on the monitor all night, too. When i got up Tuesday morning, i took my temp and it was 100.4. D didn't have a fever, 98-something normal. i called in to work and went to the Walgreen's clinic (different one from the story a month or so ago, but not a much better story).
The NP didn't want to give me the flu test. She said she knew i had the flu from my symptoms and fever (which had gotten as high as 101.2 pre-Tylenol), and given my weak immune system she was going to give me Tamiflu regardless. She said the test has a 30% false negative rate. i wanted to KNOW, because it might affect how i deal with D (if we should try to get her preventative Tamiflu or something...), with daycare, whether Alan would need to take time off from work, etc. i didn't see the harm in taking the test. She argued with me, was rather harsh IMO (i.e. treated me like i was an idiot), eventually made me almost cry, then raising her voice and saying over and over again "You do not need to cry!" Let's just say i'm never going back to a Take Care clinic and will likely transfer my Rx's from Walgreens period. Ugh!
Anyway, she finally did the test. She also did the strep test. And she made a big damn deal about how she was going to do EVERYTHING for me. Both Influenza A/B tests and the Strep A test were negative. But, she gave me Tamiflu anyway, telling me she was sure i had the flu. And since i had the seasonal vax, i can only assume it's H1N1, so we have been treating it as such. We called the pediatrician, who never called us back. i've been avoiding her and everything she touches for 48 hours.
i haven't held my baby in 2 days. i have only seen her across the room. It just hurts so much! i've been so careful. And now...
A few hours ago her temp went up to 99.4. Then 100.4. We called the on-call doctor, who said to give Tylenol (we already had) and make an appointment for the morning. She said not to go to the ER unless the temp went up to 102 with Tylenol or her breathing became labored.
And i STILL can't hold my baby because i'm not 100% sure it's the same thing. It's weird that she's had the symptoms so long and only now getting a fever, and the symptoms worsening. i guess she could have a cold and now the flu. But i don't want to take chances. Poor Pre-Toddler D! Poor Alan trying to care for us both, too.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Come to laugh, stay to pray
Probably my favorite Thomas Hardy quote ever. Why? Because it shows that even in the 19th century, not everyone went to church and there was a (not tiny) group who shunned organized religion.
After yesterday's post from "D", i'm guessing some of you think i'm crazy for putting a 4 month old on the toilet. And, maybe i am. i think this would qualify as a "Come to laugh, stay to pray" situation.
There's this line of thought called "Elimination Communication", which in my mind is probably THE stupidest phrase i've ever heard lol. Basically it's about concentrating on the baby's signals for when s/he needs to "eliminate" (ugh, there it is again) and starting toilet learning early. Well, to say i'm not totally on board would be putting it mildly. And the website i saw first on the topic doesn't help. The image of a 6 month old being held over a toilet, cheeks spread, well... not appealing to me. And when i realized that D mostly pooped while eating, ha ha! No way was i going to try to balance her over a toilet in one hand with a bottle in the other!
The one thing i thought was appealing about the concept of EC was that it provided positive experiences on a potty seat for babies, so that there's no huge transition when they're a toddler and going through the big potty training ordeal. If you provide positive experiences all along, little by little, it will be more natural for baby to slowly learn the concept of what a potty is for instead of having it thrown in their face at 18 months of age. So... when D was about 3 months old, i bought her a potty seat: the kind that fits over the regular toilet. And i put her on it usually about 7 or 8 times a week, once a day weekdays but skipping days occasionally, and a few times a day on weekends, for maybe 1-2 minutes at a time, usually before bathtime. And we've had very few "catches"; probably 2 total in the last 6 weeks. Considering how rarely i actually attempt "EC" (if you can call my complete laziness EC), i'm not surprised at our lack of success.
i am completely surprised by the success this weekend, though! Yesterday i put D on the potty 4 times, 2 in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. And she peed in the potty 3 times! And the one she didn't pee pee, she actually peed before i got her on the toilet as i took her diaper off, so i can't really call that a failure (maybe a laundry problem lol). Today she's already gone twice out of two attempts. Now, i have no idea if she's "getting it", or if i'm "getting it", or if we've just been lucky or whatever. But it's still pretty neat that we've saved a few diapers, and for someone who really would like to cloth diaper (but whose husband thinks it's gross), saving even a few diapers feels like a success :).
After yesterday's post from "D", i'm guessing some of you think i'm crazy for putting a 4 month old on the toilet. And, maybe i am. i think this would qualify as a "Come to laugh, stay to pray" situation.
There's this line of thought called "Elimination Communication", which in my mind is probably THE stupidest phrase i've ever heard lol. Basically it's about concentrating on the baby's signals for when s/he needs to "eliminate" (ugh, there it is again) and starting toilet learning early. Well, to say i'm not totally on board would be putting it mildly. And the website i saw first on the topic doesn't help. The image of a 6 month old being held over a toilet, cheeks spread, well... not appealing to me. And when i realized that D mostly pooped while eating, ha ha! No way was i going to try to balance her over a toilet in one hand with a bottle in the other!
The one thing i thought was appealing about the concept of EC was that it provided positive experiences on a potty seat for babies, so that there's no huge transition when they're a toddler and going through the big potty training ordeal. If you provide positive experiences all along, little by little, it will be more natural for baby to slowly learn the concept of what a potty is for instead of having it thrown in their face at 18 months of age. So... when D was about 3 months old, i bought her a potty seat: the kind that fits over the regular toilet. And i put her on it usually about 7 or 8 times a week, once a day weekdays but skipping days occasionally, and a few times a day on weekends, for maybe 1-2 minutes at a time, usually before bathtime. And we've had very few "catches"; probably 2 total in the last 6 weeks. Considering how rarely i actually attempt "EC" (if you can call my complete laziness EC), i'm not surprised at our lack of success.
i am completely surprised by the success this weekend, though! Yesterday i put D on the potty 4 times, 2 in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. And she peed in the potty 3 times! And the one she didn't pee pee, she actually peed before i got her on the toilet as i took her diaper off, so i can't really call that a failure (maybe a laundry problem lol). Today she's already gone twice out of two attempts. Now, i have no idea if she's "getting it", or if i'm "getting it", or if we've just been lucky or whatever. But it's still pretty neat that we've saved a few diapers, and for someone who really would like to cloth diaper (but whose husband thinks it's gross), saving even a few diapers feels like a success :).
Saturday, October 17, 2009
My day so far
Hello adoring public, it is me, Baby D. Actually, I wanted to talk about that nickname. I feel that, as I am no longer a baby, I should not be called Baby D. I mean, I can sit up practically unassisted. I think I am nearly a toddler, so I should be called a Pre-Toddler. Pre-Toddler D. What do you think?
I'm going to tell you about my day. It's pretty exciting so far. I barely got any sleep and was up 5 times last night. Finally I let Mommee get some sleep until 8:30. Then I ate just a few ounces of food, and then I went pee pee on the toilet and got dressed in my "Daddy loves me" outfit. Then I puked all over my "Daddy loves me" outfit, went pee pee in the toilet again, and got dressed in my blue kitty cat hoodie outfit. Then I puked on Mommee, but didn't mess up my hoodie, so I was happy about that.
After Daddee got up, we went to the Mexican restaurant where I saw my favorite waitress, Home Depot to buy me neat new stuff for my house, and then to Kohl's where Mommee exchanges some clothes she'd bought herself for some clothes for me. Yippee! Here's my new Christmas outfit:
Isn't it BEE-YOO-TEE-FULL?!?
Well, I thought I would say hellooo to you adoring fans and remind you that I am no longer Baby D but prefer to be called Pre-Toddler D. Thank you.
I'm going to tell you about my day. It's pretty exciting so far. I barely got any sleep and was up 5 times last night. Finally I let Mommee get some sleep until 8:30. Then I ate just a few ounces of food, and then I went pee pee on the toilet and got dressed in my "Daddy loves me" outfit. Then I puked all over my "Daddy loves me" outfit, went pee pee in the toilet again, and got dressed in my blue kitty cat hoodie outfit. Then I puked on Mommee, but didn't mess up my hoodie, so I was happy about that.
After Daddee got up, we went to the Mexican restaurant where I saw my favorite waitress, Home Depot to buy me neat new stuff for my house, and then to Kohl's where Mommee exchanges some clothes she'd bought herself for some clothes for me. Yippee! Here's my new Christmas outfit:
Isn't it BEE-YOO-TEE-FULL?!?
Well, I thought I would say hellooo to you adoring fans and remind you that I am no longer Baby D but prefer to be called Pre-Toddler D. Thank you.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Sort of depressed
Some of it for no real reason, some of it because i'm in a lot of endo pain, some of it for good reason. So we'll skip the first two and move on to the real reason.
i think the reflux is still causing D a lot of problems, only now it's earlier in the day when she doesn't have as much medication in her system. Which is also the time in the day when she's at daycare and there's nothing significant that i can do about it. Aaaaaaah!
For a while there, D had been eating 15 oz of formula at daycare. Which is about 45% of her daily formula intake, so not too bad. She eats disproportionately more in the evenings with me, but i think that's because i just sit with her and work through the back arching and the grunting and the pushing of the bottle out of her mouth with her hands. Alan probably doesn't have time in the mornings and daycare doesn't know how.
Okay, so 15 oz at daycare is good. But the last week or so, she's been eating more like 10-12 oz of formula at daycare. Not as good, because i've noticed if she doesn't get enough food in her during the day, she'll add a night feeding by waking up. She wakes up once a night every night, which we can handle, but it's more difficult if she's waking 2-3 times a night. So i try to keep her up later to finish those last few ounces, which isn't always so great, to say the least. (As an aside, she is currently fast asleep in her jumperoo, where i put her to KEEP HER AWAKE lol).
So, again, 15 oz at daycare is good. 10-12 is not so good, but has been happening lately. Today, she ate 5. Five whole whopping stinking ounces in a 7.5 hour period. i seriously want to cry, because i know that means more night wakings. And i tried to keep her awake, but as you can tell from my previous comment, that didn't work so well.
i really don't know what to do. Daycare can't add cereal to her bottle legally (state law), which is what i do when it's bad at night. Pedi thinks it will get better as she eats more solids, but she hates cereal with a spoon. Weird, since she gets tons of it in bottles. i started cheating and tried fruits and veggies mixed in, which i REALLY didn't want to do until she was AT LEAST 5 months, preferably 6 months. But again, i don't know what to do! This is the stuff that makes parenting hard! These little decisions that seem so big. Anyway, she doesn't like bananas, she doesn't like avocado. She likes squash. Yeah, squash. Little weirdo lol. So i mix squash in with formula and cereal and she'll eat like 6 or 8 bites, which isn't so bad but really isn't going to do a lot of good just yet.
So, the only thing i know to try is to have daycare feed her some solids also. Which means mixing it up the night before with the bottles. And i'll call the pedi tomorrow to see what she suggests. i thought the Prevacid had been working so well, and it has, but apparently only at night.
That, hormones, and pain ad up to a tearful fred. Who dreads waking a million times tonight. And who really wonders how long a baby can sleep slumped over a jumperoo. But then, i've fallen asleep at punk rock concerts, so who am i to judge?
i think the reflux is still causing D a lot of problems, only now it's earlier in the day when she doesn't have as much medication in her system. Which is also the time in the day when she's at daycare and there's nothing significant that i can do about it. Aaaaaaah!
For a while there, D had been eating 15 oz of formula at daycare. Which is about 45% of her daily formula intake, so not too bad. She eats disproportionately more in the evenings with me, but i think that's because i just sit with her and work through the back arching and the grunting and the pushing of the bottle out of her mouth with her hands. Alan probably doesn't have time in the mornings and daycare doesn't know how.
Okay, so 15 oz at daycare is good. But the last week or so, she's been eating more like 10-12 oz of formula at daycare. Not as good, because i've noticed if she doesn't get enough food in her during the day, she'll add a night feeding by waking up. She wakes up once a night every night, which we can handle, but it's more difficult if she's waking 2-3 times a night. So i try to keep her up later to finish those last few ounces, which isn't always so great, to say the least. (As an aside, she is currently fast asleep in her jumperoo, where i put her to KEEP HER AWAKE lol).
So, again, 15 oz at daycare is good. 10-12 is not so good, but has been happening lately. Today, she ate 5. Five whole whopping stinking ounces in a 7.5 hour period. i seriously want to cry, because i know that means more night wakings. And i tried to keep her awake, but as you can tell from my previous comment, that didn't work so well.
i really don't know what to do. Daycare can't add cereal to her bottle legally (state law), which is what i do when it's bad at night. Pedi thinks it will get better as she eats more solids, but she hates cereal with a spoon. Weird, since she gets tons of it in bottles. i started cheating and tried fruits and veggies mixed in, which i REALLY didn't want to do until she was AT LEAST 5 months, preferably 6 months. But again, i don't know what to do! This is the stuff that makes parenting hard! These little decisions that seem so big. Anyway, she doesn't like bananas, she doesn't like avocado. She likes squash. Yeah, squash. Little weirdo lol. So i mix squash in with formula and cereal and she'll eat like 6 or 8 bites, which isn't so bad but really isn't going to do a lot of good just yet.
So, the only thing i know to try is to have daycare feed her some solids also. Which means mixing it up the night before with the bottles. And i'll call the pedi tomorrow to see what she suggests. i thought the Prevacid had been working so well, and it has, but apparently only at night.
That, hormones, and pain ad up to a tearful fred. Who dreads waking a million times tonight. And who really wonders how long a baby can sleep slumped over a jumperoo. But then, i've fallen asleep at punk rock concerts, so who am i to judge?
Monday, October 12, 2009
Waving hello to the "4 month wakeful"
i really don't know if that's a technical term or even a real phenomenon, or just some myth perpetuated by internet mommy sites, but if it's real, i think we're saying hello to it, starting last night. D woke up 5 times last night, waking twice before 3:30 (not sure the times because my perfect husband took those) and then 3 times between 3:30 and 5:45 am. Wonderful! She ate 5 ounces the first waking, 3, the second, 2 the third, and on the fourth we performed a magic trick by turning a 5 ounce bottle of formula into an expensive pacifier. We gots talent!
It *could* be a reaction to too much fun in the sun yesterday. We put her hat on, but she still had a little bit of rosy cheeks, not a real burn but i still feel bad for her :(. We spent about an hour that felt like a year at a pumpkin patch. Gentry Farm is an old working farm in Franklin, TN, and let me tell you, it is the Disneyland of pumpkin patches! Holy mackinoly there were a lot of people there! It took full-on 45 minutes to get out of the parking lot! D slept 3 1/2 hours after we left lol. But we got a lot of gorgeous pictures that ONE DAY i hope to be able to put on the internet. Sigh.
i also took some really cute video of her doing the 2 newest tricks. The first is learning to sit. She has been tripod sitting for a while now, but has now decided it's more fun to try to balance (and then fall over lol), but she can do a few seconds at a time unsupported. And the other is playing with one of her new favorite toys: a stand-up play table! It's not actually her toy; we gave it to our friend Jenny's son Jake when he was diagnosed with William's Syndrome. William's is a spontaneous genetic mutation that causes some pretty serious problems, including heart problems, joint problems, and reduced IQ (luckily Jenny and her husband Dave are super smart -- they even beat Alan and me at Trivia Pursuit once, so you know they're practically geniuses -- which is in Jake's favor). One of the things kids with WS often excel at is music, so we got him a musical play table. Jenny just loaned it back to us as Jake has outgrown it and D is growing into it. We thought we'd have to take the legs off and put it on the ground for a while, but nope! D is already standing at it and using it for support. i'm a little worried that my joke about her walking by Christmas isn't going to end up being much of a joke. Keep Jake in your thoughts and prayers since he just went through heart surgery last week. He was released from the hospital today and is recuperating in a hotel with Jenny and David until he can go back home later this week. Such a cute little trouper!
It *could* be a reaction to too much fun in the sun yesterday. We put her hat on, but she still had a little bit of rosy cheeks, not a real burn but i still feel bad for her :(. We spent about an hour that felt like a year at a pumpkin patch. Gentry Farm is an old working farm in Franklin, TN, and let me tell you, it is the Disneyland of pumpkin patches! Holy mackinoly there were a lot of people there! It took full-on 45 minutes to get out of the parking lot! D slept 3 1/2 hours after we left lol. But we got a lot of gorgeous pictures that ONE DAY i hope to be able to put on the internet. Sigh.
i also took some really cute video of her doing the 2 newest tricks. The first is learning to sit. She has been tripod sitting for a while now, but has now decided it's more fun to try to balance (and then fall over lol), but she can do a few seconds at a time unsupported. And the other is playing with one of her new favorite toys: a stand-up play table! It's not actually her toy; we gave it to our friend Jenny's son Jake when he was diagnosed with William's Syndrome. William's is a spontaneous genetic mutation that causes some pretty serious problems, including heart problems, joint problems, and reduced IQ (luckily Jenny and her husband Dave are super smart -- they even beat Alan and me at Trivia Pursuit once, so you know they're practically geniuses -- which is in Jake's favor). One of the things kids with WS often excel at is music, so we got him a musical play table. Jenny just loaned it back to us as Jake has outgrown it and D is growing into it. We thought we'd have to take the legs off and put it on the ground for a while, but nope! D is already standing at it and using it for support. i'm a little worried that my joke about her walking by Christmas isn't going to end up being much of a joke. Keep Jake in your thoughts and prayers since he just went through heart surgery last week. He was released from the hospital today and is recuperating in a hotel with Jenny and David until he can go back home later this week. Such a cute little trouper!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The bright side to days like this
Poor D! We had a medication malfunction today. Not really a big deal in the long run, but it sucks for her and she definitely paid the consequences.
D is currently on Zantac 2x a day (morning and night) and Prevacid once daily (night). i make up the bottles, including the medication bottles, each night, and usually i do something really obvious to differentiate the Zantac bottles from the Prevacid bottle. i'll put them in different types of bottle, or put rubber bands of different colors on the lids, or something like that Last night i put lids on 2 bottles and no lid on one bottle, specifically because we didn't have enough lids for the 5 daycare bottles and the 3 medication bottles. i put one Zantac bottle (lid) off to the left and the other 2 bottles together on the right, thinking it would be obvious that they were grouped morning and night. Plus the lid thing...
Alan gets up with D after i leave for work in the mornings, and gives her morning Zantac. But when i got home, both bottles in the fridge had lids. He'd given the Prevacid early, and no Zantac in the morning. i couldn't give her 2 doses of Zantac, so i just gave her one. And what a difference one dose makes!
All the issues we'd been having over the last couple of months that had gotten so much better in the last couple of weeks returned with a vengeance tonight. Poor D cried, screamed really, for over an hour tonight and just couldn't be comforted. She was hungry, but the bottle hurt her. i added so much cereal that she couldn't get it out of the nipple (even after changing to a big fat holed nipple), and it still didn't help. She just screamed and screamed, and i sang as loud as i could to try to calm her, calm myself, etc.
She's currently conked out on the changing pad. It's her bedtime, but i know that she's several ounces short of a full day's food and i risk having her fall wake multiple times in the middle of the night. i woke for the day this morning with her at 4:30 am, and i really don't want a repeat, nor do i want Alan to have to suffer. He probably already suffered enough at my rude text message (sorry, sweetie!). And my throat started hurting this afternoon and i'm afraid i'm going to get sick again. The problem with having a compromised immune system and an infant in daycare is that i'm going to get all of her sniffles, even the ones she never really gets. Sigh.
So, back to the subject of this blog post. The good news about this horrible evening is that i now am totally confident that those previous issues were, in fact, due to reflux and not just some baby "witching hour" or fighting bedtime or a preview of her teenage years lol. There may be some of that mixed in, but clearly the bulk of it is the reflux. Poor, poor baby D!
D is currently on Zantac 2x a day (morning and night) and Prevacid once daily (night). i make up the bottles, including the medication bottles, each night, and usually i do something really obvious to differentiate the Zantac bottles from the Prevacid bottle. i'll put them in different types of bottle, or put rubber bands of different colors on the lids, or something like that Last night i put lids on 2 bottles and no lid on one bottle, specifically because we didn't have enough lids for the 5 daycare bottles and the 3 medication bottles. i put one Zantac bottle (lid) off to the left and the other 2 bottles together on the right, thinking it would be obvious that they were grouped morning and night. Plus the lid thing...
Alan gets up with D after i leave for work in the mornings, and gives her morning Zantac. But when i got home, both bottles in the fridge had lids. He'd given the Prevacid early, and no Zantac in the morning. i couldn't give her 2 doses of Zantac, so i just gave her one. And what a difference one dose makes!
All the issues we'd been having over the last couple of months that had gotten so much better in the last couple of weeks returned with a vengeance tonight. Poor D cried, screamed really, for over an hour tonight and just couldn't be comforted. She was hungry, but the bottle hurt her. i added so much cereal that she couldn't get it out of the nipple (even after changing to a big fat holed nipple), and it still didn't help. She just screamed and screamed, and i sang as loud as i could to try to calm her, calm myself, etc.
She's currently conked out on the changing pad. It's her bedtime, but i know that she's several ounces short of a full day's food and i risk having her fall wake multiple times in the middle of the night. i woke for the day this morning with her at 4:30 am, and i really don't want a repeat, nor do i want Alan to have to suffer. He probably already suffered enough at my rude text message (sorry, sweetie!). And my throat started hurting this afternoon and i'm afraid i'm going to get sick again. The problem with having a compromised immune system and an infant in daycare is that i'm going to get all of her sniffles, even the ones she never really gets. Sigh.
So, back to the subject of this blog post. The good news about this horrible evening is that i now am totally confident that those previous issues were, in fact, due to reflux and not just some baby "witching hour" or fighting bedtime or a preview of her teenage years lol. There may be some of that mixed in, but clearly the bulk of it is the reflux. Poor, poor baby D!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Twelve little baby legs
Here's some more AW'ing for you: i made some really cute "baby legs." Baby legs are basically leggings, or legwarmers, for babies. They're kind of silly and trendy, but also cute. And they make pee pee diaper changes easier. The idea is that they are like pants without the part around the butt or crotch, just thigh high legwarmers. If the baby is wearing a onesie, they are covered. And as they are learning to crawl, they're helpful. And did i mention they're cute?
Someone on an internet group i go to posted this site on how to make babylegs out of women's knee high socks. And Alan and i went shopping for D (details on our shopping trip to come), and happened past the women's socks, and i saw these. i got two 3-packs of socks (hence some of the plain Jane ones), and one extra pair of black and white Halloween-ish socks. i only ruined one pair in learning so we now have 6 pairs of Baby Legs.
Now for the pathetic details. My in-laws came into town again this weekend and offered to babysit for us. Which was actually sad because there was nothing we really wanted to do, and we both enjoy hanging out together with D. The only thing we do regularly that we can't do with her is going to the movies (too loud for new ears). And there really weren't any great movies out that we wanted to see. We ended up going to a 2:30 matinee of "The Invention of Lying", which looked great but fell flat. Several feet short in my opinion.
After the movie, we didn't want to go right home, so we grabbed dinner. At 4:45. Yeah, i did say pathetic. And, we finished dinner before 5:00 (we just went to Baja Burrito which is like a made-to-order assembly-line taco stand, so no waiting for food to cook), and felt really dorky. So we went to our favorite place... Target. And we spent our first date in a month, second date since the baby, shopping for... the baby. But, we really did have fun and there's not much we'd rather do, so there you have it.
By the way, those Baby Leg things take seriously not even 10 minutes a pair. And they turned out great! i'm going to sew the seam up a wee bit more (bigger seam allowance) on one of the black-and-white legs so that one black thing at the seam isn't as fat. Otherwise, i'm extremely pleased, so if you have a sewing machine and a baby, you should totally go for it!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Just a post about nothing in particular
i'm pretty stupid tonight. Not sure why. i think my husband took "the brain" without asking. We always joke that we share a brain, and apparently he's a giant hog tonight.
i've made plenty of mistakes tonight, but the big ones are that i nearly gave myself a heart attack over formula, and i forgot to wash my pants. First, the formula. D eats formula, obviously, and she seems to do better on Ready-to-Feed formula versus powder. But RTF is very expensive, so we found we can mix them. i make her formula up in a big jug at night, and normally do 2 cups powder and 2 1/4 cup RTF. Lately, she's been eating more, and she's doing better on her reflux meds, so i decided to try 2 1/4 cups powder and 2 cups RTF. That worked yesterday, and today i upped it all the way to 2 1/2 cups powder and 2 cups RTF (so there's a little extra since she eats more).
When you make formula from powder, you measure the water out, and then you add the powder. 1 scoop of powder for 2 oz of water. There are 8 ounces in a cup, so 2 cups of water is 16 ounces so you'd use 8 scoops of powder. Which i have been doing. Tonight i was measuring 1/2 cup extra, and for some reason i totally forgot 8 oz in a cup and thought it was 16. Which means i should have been giving her twice as much powder scops as i have been. Unbelievable! So i nearly had a complete heart attack. i literally almost fell over. And when i realized i hadn't been seriously undernourishing my girl, i cried a little.
The other stupid me story is that i need to wash my jeans. D Vesuvius'd all over me tonight. So i did a load of laundry and meant to remove my pants and throw them in. Nope. So now i have to do another load just for the jeans. Ugh! Okay, that's not as bad but i still don't like it.
Sleep well everybody!
i've made plenty of mistakes tonight, but the big ones are that i nearly gave myself a heart attack over formula, and i forgot to wash my pants. First, the formula. D eats formula, obviously, and she seems to do better on Ready-to-Feed formula versus powder. But RTF is very expensive, so we found we can mix them. i make her formula up in a big jug at night, and normally do 2 cups powder and 2 1/4 cup RTF. Lately, she's been eating more, and she's doing better on her reflux meds, so i decided to try 2 1/4 cups powder and 2 cups RTF. That worked yesterday, and today i upped it all the way to 2 1/2 cups powder and 2 cups RTF (so there's a little extra since she eats more).
When you make formula from powder, you measure the water out, and then you add the powder. 1 scoop of powder for 2 oz of water. There are 8 ounces in a cup, so 2 cups of water is 16 ounces so you'd use 8 scoops of powder. Which i have been doing. Tonight i was measuring 1/2 cup extra, and for some reason i totally forgot 8 oz in a cup and thought it was 16. Which means i should have been giving her twice as much powder scops as i have been. Unbelievable! So i nearly had a complete heart attack. i literally almost fell over. And when i realized i hadn't been seriously undernourishing my girl, i cried a little.
The other stupid me story is that i need to wash my jeans. D Vesuvius'd all over me tonight. So i did a load of laundry and meant to remove my pants and throw them in. Nope. So now i have to do another load just for the jeans. Ugh! Okay, that's not as bad but i still don't like it.
Sleep well everybody!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
OH! And her breathing is improved!
It's hard to tell for sure when i live with her every day, but the pedi noticed immediately that her breathing is doing a lot better. More evidence that the reflux really is improving :).
In sad news, D's brother was just diagnosed with asthma :(. Hopefully that won't happen with D, but it's very common in premature kids (and D most likely was slightly premature, though there was no prenatal care so who knows, right) and drug-exposed kids, so we're pretty much expecting it sooner or later. Hopefully later.
In sad news, D's brother was just diagnosed with asthma :(. Hopefully that won't happen with D, but it's very common in premature kids (and D most likely was slightly premature, though there was no prenatal care so who knows, right) and drug-exposed kids, so we're pretty much expecting it sooner or later. Hopefully later.
4 month appointment
D had her 4 month appointment today (shots included, bah). She took the shots like a champ, only a bit of crying, and was in a good mood the rest of the day and evening.
The pedi was really happy with her development, especially her milestones. Her weight is now 12 pounds, 3 ounces, and her length is 23 inches. That puts her almost to 25% in weight but still only around 5% in length (kind of reversed from previously where she was longer than tall by % standards). i forget her head circumference number, but she was in the 75% there. Her brother has a ginormous head, but he's totally healthy. So it's not surprising, but the good news is she doesn't LOOK disproportionate lol.
Pedi said we did the right thing switching back from the Alimentum to the Similac Sensitive RS. And she's been eating way more the last several days, too. Not just more than she was during the ill-fated switch, but more than she did before we tried giving her Alimentum. She's probably eating the 32 oz that most kids her age are eating, which is incredible since she's always eaten so little. In the last week or so, i'm really starting to think the Prevacid is helping more than i used to think, so that's awesome.
Pedi also said to start solids. Start slowly, with cereal (which she'd previously suggested we start by spoon), and start veggies in a few weeks. Said kids with reflux do so much better once they start solids, so we'll take the risk of starting solids earlier than the 6 months currently recommended by the AAP. Her brother didn't have any allergies to solids so we'll take that as a positive sign. And, D does like cereal by a spoon, but she only likes it warm (whereas she actually prefers her bottle chilled).
The pedi was really happy with her development, especially her milestones. Her weight is now 12 pounds, 3 ounces, and her length is 23 inches. That puts her almost to 25% in weight but still only around 5% in length (kind of reversed from previously where she was longer than tall by % standards). i forget her head circumference number, but she was in the 75% there. Her brother has a ginormous head, but he's totally healthy. So it's not surprising, but the good news is she doesn't LOOK disproportionate lol.
Pedi said we did the right thing switching back from the Alimentum to the Similac Sensitive RS. And she's been eating way more the last several days, too. Not just more than she was during the ill-fated switch, but more than she did before we tried giving her Alimentum. She's probably eating the 32 oz that most kids her age are eating, which is incredible since she's always eaten so little. In the last week or so, i'm really starting to think the Prevacid is helping more than i used to think, so that's awesome.
Pedi also said to start solids. Start slowly, with cereal (which she'd previously suggested we start by spoon), and start veggies in a few weeks. Said kids with reflux do so much better once they start solids, so we'll take the risk of starting solids earlier than the 6 months currently recommended by the AAP. Her brother didn't have any allergies to solids so we'll take that as a positive sign. And, D does like cereal by a spoon, but she only likes it warm (whereas she actually prefers her bottle chilled).
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