Knock wood, it seems like Char is starting to sleep better and longer. Still about an hour short of her previous norm, but she's not so cranky/overtired the last few days and that helps a LOT.
If i didn't mention it before, i'm now reading a book called "Unconditional Parenting", which is just blowing my mind. It's about rewards AND punishment, praise AND shame being equally bad, and not "withdrawing" love when a child misbehaves (i.e. withholding regular bedtime routine if a child misbehaves and calling it a "privilege" or even time outs being "love withdrawal"). i'm about halfway through and so far the book is about research proving why those things are bad, but he hasn't put any alternatives in yet. i can't wait until i get there! i'm sure i will be blogging about it a bit because it's seriously exciting.
At the same time, it's scary. It's scary because i was raised with love withdrawals (i.e. silent treatments and lectures) and punishments (i.e. groundings, shame, and spankings), and most of the parenting books i've read and what i've been trying to put into practice involve positive discipline, natural/logical consequences, and rewards. In other words, the book so far attacks not just what i've known is the type of parenting i DON'T want to do, but also the type of parenting i've been striving toward.
Of course, i may not agree with the book, and i may not change my parenting style or try to comingle to two styles. But it sure is making me think. And that, alone, is pretty scary!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Toddler Bed Hell
Well, i spoke too soon when i said that things were going okay with the toddler bed. Char is having a pretty sizable regression when it comes to sleep. She cries and gets out of bed (if we don't lock the door, she comes downstairs) if i don't sing "You Are My Sunshine" to her over and over (and over and over) until she's asleep, and that's all that will (sometimes) get her back to sleep. She's gotten up between 4:30-5 am for the last 3 or 4 mornings, also, and not going to sleep again at all. Naps are also not so great, 30-45 minutes if she takes one.
This is also coming in conjunction with (obviously) the toddler bed transition, which is a big one, the last 2 canine teeth coming in, and she's getting a cold as well. So, while i am not 100% opposed to sleep training at this age, i wouldn't do it with a sick, scared child who's also in pain. So, deep breath, this too shall pass.
The good news is that she's not in a super terrible mood, considering. DH and i are, LOL, but thank goodness she's in an average to good mood.
This is also coming in conjunction with (obviously) the toddler bed transition, which is a big one, the last 2 canine teeth coming in, and she's getting a cold as well. So, while i am not 100% opposed to sleep training at this age, i wouldn't do it with a sick, scared child who's also in pain. So, deep breath, this too shall pass.
The good news is that she's not in a super terrible mood, considering. DH and i are, LOL, but thank goodness she's in an average to good mood.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
A Letter to my Best Buddy
Dear Charlotte,
i've never wanted anything more than to be your mommy. Thank you for being you. You astound me every day!
Love, Mommy
i've never wanted anything more than to be your mommy. Thank you for being you. You astound me every day!
Love, Mommy
Monday, March 21, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The Purpose of Discipline
The other day I did something stupid. I misled my boss. Some would argue that I lied to him. I asked him for advice, and I knew better than to ask him for parenting advice. He’s not the kind of parent I want to be.
My boss has 5 kids, ranging from 16 to mid-30’s, all girls. And they’re all good girls, too; he’s never had any real discipline problems from them. They’ve all gotten good grades in school, gone to private Christian colleges (well, the older 4 so far), and the older three have married good Christian men. They volunteer their time and money, and they are truly wonderful people. So why would I not want to parent like him? Mostly because he parents like my parents did. He is a strong advocate for spanking.
Now, before anyone reads too much into my words, let me say that I am not 100% anti-spanking. Honestly, I’m not. I don’t consider spanking to be abuse (certainly it CAN be abuse, but so can tickling or even kissing if you do it excessively and beyond the point of pleasure for the recipient. I can see the headline now “’Turkish Kissing Torture’ to be discontinued, per Pentagon”). I don’t even necessarily consider it bad parenting. It’s just not *my* parenting.
I ask myself some questions, starting with “What is the purpose of disciplining my child?” The answer is not “to control her behavior to make the next 16 ½ years easier for myself”, but “to help her grow up to be a kind, respectful, empathetic, self-assured, and independent young woman”. Spanking her for normal toddler (or whatever age) behaviors does not seem like it would teach her self-confidence, independence, or kindness, or even true respect (fear =/= respect). My primary purpose is not to curb annoying behaviors (though the urge is strong at times, certainly, and I’ve given in to it more than a few times), but rather to help her to just grow up and be a good person. And I don’t see spanking as a requirement to that.
I am, in my opinion, a prime example of why “I was spanked and I turned out fine” is not a good answer. I was spanked, and quite honestly I do not think I turned out fine. Sure, I never really misbehaved. Even through teen years, my rebellions were minimal. As an adult I am still afraid of letting my deceased mother down and feel guilt when I do things I know she wouldn’t approve of. I work, I contribute more to society through my paid and unpaid acts than I take from it, but I do not have confidence. I do not feel useful, or appreciated outside of my wonderful husband. I don’t have much to be proud of, and I do not feel pride. Instead I feel embarrassed that I have so few friends, that I don’t have any hobbies or talents that I am really good at, or passionate about. I feel worthless at work.
I do not, ever, want my daughter to feel these things. And yet I know that I cannot prevent most of those feelings at some point. I just hope that I can help her build a foundation of self-confidence now and throughout her childhood so she can deal with them better than I have.
My boss has 5 kids, ranging from 16 to mid-30’s, all girls. And they’re all good girls, too; he’s never had any real discipline problems from them. They’ve all gotten good grades in school, gone to private Christian colleges (well, the older 4 so far), and the older three have married good Christian men. They volunteer their time and money, and they are truly wonderful people. So why would I not want to parent like him? Mostly because he parents like my parents did. He is a strong advocate for spanking.
Now, before anyone reads too much into my words, let me say that I am not 100% anti-spanking. Honestly, I’m not. I don’t consider spanking to be abuse (certainly it CAN be abuse, but so can tickling or even kissing if you do it excessively and beyond the point of pleasure for the recipient. I can see the headline now “’Turkish Kissing Torture’ to be discontinued, per Pentagon”). I don’t even necessarily consider it bad parenting. It’s just not *my* parenting.
I ask myself some questions, starting with “What is the purpose of disciplining my child?” The answer is not “to control her behavior to make the next 16 ½ years easier for myself”, but “to help her grow up to be a kind, respectful, empathetic, self-assured, and independent young woman”. Spanking her for normal toddler (or whatever age) behaviors does not seem like it would teach her self-confidence, independence, or kindness, or even true respect (fear =/= respect). My primary purpose is not to curb annoying behaviors (though the urge is strong at times, certainly, and I’ve given in to it more than a few times), but rather to help her to just grow up and be a good person. And I don’t see spanking as a requirement to that.
I am, in my opinion, a prime example of why “I was spanked and I turned out fine” is not a good answer. I was spanked, and quite honestly I do not think I turned out fine. Sure, I never really misbehaved. Even through teen years, my rebellions were minimal. As an adult I am still afraid of letting my deceased mother down and feel guilt when I do things I know she wouldn’t approve of. I work, I contribute more to society through my paid and unpaid acts than I take from it, but I do not have confidence. I do not feel useful, or appreciated outside of my wonderful husband. I don’t have much to be proud of, and I do not feel pride. Instead I feel embarrassed that I have so few friends, that I don’t have any hobbies or talents that I am really good at, or passionate about. I feel worthless at work.
I do not, ever, want my daughter to feel these things. And yet I know that I cannot prevent most of those feelings at some point. I just hope that I can help her build a foundation of self-confidence now and throughout her childhood so she can deal with them better than I have.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Toddler bed
It had to happen sometime. Charlotte, my little spider-girl, finally climbed out of her crib.
It started 2 weekends ago when i took her to Knoxville and had her sleep in the PnP and she climbed right out. It took 90 minutes to get her to sleep the first night because she made it a game. If she sat up and i did nothing, she would climb out. If she sat up and i said, "Lie down" or whatever, or if i put my hand on her to guide her back to a lying down position, she would giggle and flop down, and a few seconds later she'd sit back up again. In a hotel, i didn't really have much choice. i just put her back down 40,000 times until she finally fell asleep. The second night wasn't as bad; she fell asleep after 30 minutes, but it was still a game.
Then last Thursday, the nanny put her in the crib so she could go to the restroom, and Char climbed right out. Uh-oh, danger Will Robinson! So we put the toddler bed together on Saturday and tried to get her used to the idea, but had no luck getting her to nap on it during the weekend or so far this week. i was still using the crib at night, until last night.
Last night she wanted an owl spreader (like a dull knife; butter spreader type thing with an owl on the handle) that somehow made its way into her room. That's not such a safe thing to have in a crib, even if it is blunt, so i didn't let her have it. Commence tantrum. This child doesn't forget things! So... when i put her to bed, she climbed out and came downstairs. Nice. (Or not). Three times she got out of bed, and i tried rocking her, i tried sitting nearby and essentially repeating the pack and play shenanigans, and when it was obviously becoming a game, i put her in her crib, sternly told her to stay there, and went downstairs. (Part of the reason is by then it was 8:45 and i hadn't eaten since an early lunch at 11 so i was starving). As far as i know, she didn't get out of bed, though when Alan went to her this morning, she was sitting up in her rocking chair.
So, obviously tonight had to be the night to start the toddler bed transition. We started by buying a video monitor (which unfortunately keeps losing signal -- bah!!!), and some babyproofing supplies to help keep the door shut (which unfortunately don't work on our doors -- bah!!! - but luckily her door actually won't open from the inside even if locked from the inside, so i did this until she was asleep and used the skeleton key once she was out, just in case of fire or something). i put her to bed a few minutes early, after making sure she was nice and tired today but had a calm evening.
She, of course, followed me to the door, crying. So i told her i would sing to her as long as she stayed lying down and didn't get out of bed or sit up. She, of course, sat up pretty quickly, so i said, "Oh, i guess you don't want me to sing. Good night." and left, and of course she cried, but i didn't let her cry more than a couple of minutes, came back and repeated the "deal" about singing to her as long as she lies down. She did better, but after about 5 minutes she sat up. i warned her once, then left. She cried but didn't get out of bed this time, and again i went to her in about 2 minutes. She let me sing to her for at least 20 minutes this time, never sitting up. After a while i told her that i was going to sing the song 2 more times (one time is all 4 verses of "You Are My Sunshine" plus a couple of humming verses so it's not short) and then 1 more time, and then i went downstairs. She only protested with a little grunt, never got out of bed, and went to sleep.
Thank goodness!!!!! Let's hope every day goes a little bit better and she can put herself to sleep 100% again in a week.
It started 2 weekends ago when i took her to Knoxville and had her sleep in the PnP and she climbed right out. It took 90 minutes to get her to sleep the first night because she made it a game. If she sat up and i did nothing, she would climb out. If she sat up and i said, "Lie down" or whatever, or if i put my hand on her to guide her back to a lying down position, she would giggle and flop down, and a few seconds later she'd sit back up again. In a hotel, i didn't really have much choice. i just put her back down 40,000 times until she finally fell asleep. The second night wasn't as bad; she fell asleep after 30 minutes, but it was still a game.
Then last Thursday, the nanny put her in the crib so she could go to the restroom, and Char climbed right out. Uh-oh, danger Will Robinson! So we put the toddler bed together on Saturday and tried to get her used to the idea, but had no luck getting her to nap on it during the weekend or so far this week. i was still using the crib at night, until last night.
Last night she wanted an owl spreader (like a dull knife; butter spreader type thing with an owl on the handle) that somehow made its way into her room. That's not such a safe thing to have in a crib, even if it is blunt, so i didn't let her have it. Commence tantrum. This child doesn't forget things! So... when i put her to bed, she climbed out and came downstairs. Nice. (Or not). Three times she got out of bed, and i tried rocking her, i tried sitting nearby and essentially repeating the pack and play shenanigans, and when it was obviously becoming a game, i put her in her crib, sternly told her to stay there, and went downstairs. (Part of the reason is by then it was 8:45 and i hadn't eaten since an early lunch at 11 so i was starving). As far as i know, she didn't get out of bed, though when Alan went to her this morning, she was sitting up in her rocking chair.
So, obviously tonight had to be the night to start the toddler bed transition. We started by buying a video monitor (which unfortunately keeps losing signal -- bah!!!), and some babyproofing supplies to help keep the door shut (which unfortunately don't work on our doors -- bah!!! - but luckily her door actually won't open from the inside even if locked from the inside, so i did this until she was asleep and used the skeleton key once she was out, just in case of fire or something). i put her to bed a few minutes early, after making sure she was nice and tired today but had a calm evening.
She, of course, followed me to the door, crying. So i told her i would sing to her as long as she stayed lying down and didn't get out of bed or sit up. She, of course, sat up pretty quickly, so i said, "Oh, i guess you don't want me to sing. Good night." and left, and of course she cried, but i didn't let her cry more than a couple of minutes, came back and repeated the "deal" about singing to her as long as she lies down. She did better, but after about 5 minutes she sat up. i warned her once, then left. She cried but didn't get out of bed this time, and again i went to her in about 2 minutes. She let me sing to her for at least 20 minutes this time, never sitting up. After a while i told her that i was going to sing the song 2 more times (one time is all 4 verses of "You Are My Sunshine" plus a couple of humming verses so it's not short) and then 1 more time, and then i went downstairs. She only protested with a little grunt, never got out of bed, and went to sleep.
Thank goodness!!!!! Let's hope every day goes a little bit better and she can put herself to sleep 100% again in a week.
Awesome
Char is just awesome! She's such a great kiddo. If you're in a happy marriage, you know how you always love your husband or wife, like a lot, but then there are times when you feel just especially close to them and loving toward them? Apparently it's like that with parenthood as well.
These new communication skills of Char's have brought with them a lot more understanding, and wonder (on my part) at just how smart she is. And, i mean, i've always known she was smart, but wow!
Another cool thing she's doing lately is starting to see and express emotions verbally. "Ohhhh noooo! Baby sad! Baby crying!" at a picture in a book. Or "Ohhhhh nooooo! Mommy sad!" if she does something "bad" like throw a toy. And she tries to make the sad person happy again, which usually involves hugs and kisses (is it any wonder i'm enjoying this phase?).
Last night we went swimming, and it took 30 minutes to get out of the YMCA parking lot (i think the traffic signal is broken and it's not registering cars that want to turn left, so you have to wait at a red light for 5 minutes with no cars coming). It was 7:40 when we left the Y, so by the time we got out of the parking lot, it was past 8 (Char's bedtime). She was fussy and whiny in the car, and i talked her through it.
When we finally got out of the parking lot, a block or two down the road, Char said, "Mommy sad." "Oh, no, Charlotte, Mommy's not sad anymore. Mommy's happy because we got out of the traffic!" She said, "No, mommy, i sad." i just melted. Totally. i've been working with her to use words to express when she's sad instead of whiny voice, and she totally did it. And yet, i couldn't fix it!!!
It does have its negatives, though. She gets kind of obsessive if someone is sad and she can't fix it. She'll go back to the same photo in the book dozens of times, turning straight to that page over and over. Tonight i let her play with the free Roby the Talking Robot app on my Droid, and she became extremely upset when she had her finger on the little airhorn button and it blared and blared at her. She was crying, and ran to me with the Droid outstretched saying, "Doby sad! Doby sad! Hep! Hep!" i tried showing her how to turn the airhorn on and off, tried telling her to give him a hug and a kiss and make him happy, etc, but she just kept talking about how sad "Doby" was. Even through her bath and all the way to bedtime she kept talking about poor sad Roby. i finally had to tell her she Roby went to sleep and she can see him in the morning.
i hope this empathy stuff sticks! LOL but MAN do i love my baby. Thank God for her!
These new communication skills of Char's have brought with them a lot more understanding, and wonder (on my part) at just how smart she is. And, i mean, i've always known she was smart, but wow!
Another cool thing she's doing lately is starting to see and express emotions verbally. "Ohhhh noooo! Baby sad! Baby crying!" at a picture in a book. Or "Ohhhhh nooooo! Mommy sad!" if she does something "bad" like throw a toy. And she tries to make the sad person happy again, which usually involves hugs and kisses (is it any wonder i'm enjoying this phase?).
Last night we went swimming, and it took 30 minutes to get out of the YMCA parking lot (i think the traffic signal is broken and it's not registering cars that want to turn left, so you have to wait at a red light for 5 minutes with no cars coming). It was 7:40 when we left the Y, so by the time we got out of the parking lot, it was past 8 (Char's bedtime). She was fussy and whiny in the car, and i talked her through it.
When we finally got out of the parking lot, a block or two down the road, Char said, "Mommy sad." "Oh, no, Charlotte, Mommy's not sad anymore. Mommy's happy because we got out of the traffic!" She said, "No, mommy, i sad." i just melted. Totally. i've been working with her to use words to express when she's sad instead of whiny voice, and she totally did it. And yet, i couldn't fix it!!!
It does have its negatives, though. She gets kind of obsessive if someone is sad and she can't fix it. She'll go back to the same photo in the book dozens of times, turning straight to that page over and over. Tonight i let her play with the free Roby the Talking Robot app on my Droid, and she became extremely upset when she had her finger on the little airhorn button and it blared and blared at her. She was crying, and ran to me with the Droid outstretched saying, "Doby sad! Doby sad! Hep! Hep!" i tried showing her how to turn the airhorn on and off, tried telling her to give him a hug and a kiss and make him happy, etc, but she just kept talking about how sad "Doby" was. Even through her bath and all the way to bedtime she kept talking about poor sad Roby. i finally had to tell her she Roby went to sleep and she can see him in the morning.
i hope this empathy stuff sticks! LOL but MAN do i love my baby. Thank God for her!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Talking up a storm!
This week I'm really noticing a change in Charms language skills. She's been stringing words together for several months now, but for every one sentence she has been saying 20 single words. That seems to be turning around this week, more like 50/50.
Last night she even said, "Daddy no work! Daddy HOME!" i hear a lot of, "Ohhhhhh noooooo! i broke it!"s and "Help please pants" when she wants to go potty. i am so excited for this phase!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Birthday party planning
i was thinking it was super early to plan, but now i realize it's only a few months away. OK, that's not real soon, but it's time to start planning.
Char is so very into swimming right now that we decided to book this pool:
It's a 2' deep toddler pool with a little playground and water slide, fountains and waterfalls and sheer awesomeness!
So, i'm going to do an aquatic theme, specifically fish. For food, i was thinking of little sandwiches on this bread:
That's right! Goldfish bread!
i will also get regular bread and big angelfish-shaped cookie cutter and make more sandwiches. And cookies. Of course there must be cookies!
Char is so very into swimming right now that we decided to book this pool:
It's a 2' deep toddler pool with a little playground and water slide, fountains and waterfalls and sheer awesomeness!
So, i'm going to do an aquatic theme, specifically fish. For food, i was thinking of little sandwiches on this bread:
That's right! Goldfish bread!
i will also get regular bread and big angelfish-shaped cookie cutter and make more sandwiches. And cookies. Of course there must be cookies!
And, of course, we must have:
And
And, just for fun:
YES!!! That IS candy sushi!
As for cake, well, i was thinking of cupcakes with white chocolate fish suckers sticking through them, but i'm not sure now if i won't just use the sushi above (the top ones are cupcakes with dried fruit and candy inside to look like maki). But probably i'll do both.
And, um, if i'm going just a wee bit overboard, why not go WAY overboard?
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
2 Cutenesses i MUST share
i had to work late tonight (month end close) and couldn't go swimming, and Char didn't nap today and was fussy/clingy, so i decided we should watch Sesame Street together. Plus she asked for it ("Melmo?"). Toward the end, i told her when Elmo is over, it will be time for her bath. She climbed the tv stand and turned the tv off and ran upstairs. i guess she was tired!
After her bath, when she was all dressed in her jammies, we read her 2 favorite books, which are "Please, Baby, Please" and "Llama Llama Red Pajama". We read these 2 almost every night.
About halfway through "Please, Baby, Please" (which has the words "please" and "baby" repeat periodically), Char asked what certain objects on the page were. She asked what the word "baby" was, so i said, "It's the word 'baby'." She pointed at other versions of the word and said "baby" on every page to the end. Then the last page it replaces "baby" with "mama" and she asked what it was, so i told her.
Then we read "Llama Llama Red Pajama", and she pointed out (and said) the words "baby" and "mama" all the way through the book. Now, i'm sure she'll forget those words tomorrow, but i'm really pretty amazed (and a little scared) by how smart she is!
After her bath, when she was all dressed in her jammies, we read her 2 favorite books, which are "Please, Baby, Please" and "Llama Llama Red Pajama". We read these 2 almost every night.
About halfway through "Please, Baby, Please" (which has the words "please" and "baby" repeat periodically), Char asked what certain objects on the page were. She asked what the word "baby" was, so i said, "It's the word 'baby'." She pointed at other versions of the word and said "baby" on every page to the end. Then the last page it replaces "baby" with "mama" and she asked what it was, so i told her.
Then we read "Llama Llama Red Pajama", and she pointed out (and said) the words "baby" and "mama" all the way through the book. Now, i'm sure she'll forget those words tomorrow, but i'm really pretty amazed (and a little scared) by how smart she is!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)