Alas. We thought today we would find out for sure if the adoption date is still 7/6, but apparently the woman at the county clerk's office was too busy to look at our file today. And since today was the deadline, if it's not all there, then we don't have time to fix it and will have to wait until August.
It's probably irrational but i have this fear that it will be my fault we don't finalize. i remember the attorney saying he would need a copy of my divorce decree from the first marriage, and i said it should be in the file with the homestudy. He said something like, "Okay, we'll take care of it, and if we need anything, we'll let you know." Which no one let me know anything, but i put it out of my mind and only thought about it late last night. Needless to say i won't be sleeping much until i know that it's all done!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Benefits... or not.
So i'm kind of cracking up over the adoption benefits situation at work. First of all, i really didn't think there would be any benefits for our type of adoption. My company offers a $5k reimbursement for adoption-related expenses, but we haven't had any real adoption-related expenses. The state is paying for our attorney, our home study was free, and there won't be any other costs either. Outside of books, parking, time off from work, etc, but those aren't "qualified" expenses, which again is what i was expecting.
It's more the way it all went down that leaves me cracking up. Last week Alan found out that his company offers 3 paid days off for adoption. i know, it's just 3 days, but it's still 3 days, which is better than nothing. He can use one in July and the other 2 another time (July is ratings period, so they're stingy with time off during ratings for obvious reasons). So this is great news!
Like i said, i know my company offers $5k reimbursement for up to 2 adoptions, and the only other benefit i know of is a $75 reimbursement for a car seat (which is an adoption OR birth benefit), but for adoptions you have to buy the carseat within 30 days before the adoption or 45 days after the adoption finalization. Which means that we don't get even that benefit since we had to buy the infant seats over a year ago and the convertible carseats about 6 months ago (well, we didn't HAVE to but with her reflux we thought it might help the constant carseat crying, and she turned 20 pounds months ago so it still wouldn't have worked for us). i have to say that i think that timeframe is ludicrous for any type of adoption because in TN finalization is at least 6 months after the baby is placed in the home. i guess for some it would work for the convertible, but it's still stupid. But at this point i'd rather have 3 paid days off (or ONE lol since i have so little vacation time thanks to someone's court dates and doctor's appointments and sick days) than $75. So no biggie.
But, all that to say that when Alan found out about his 3 days off, i decided to just verify at work that there really aren't any benefits that we'll qualify for. i mean, anything is better than nothing. Weeeelll... First stop at my company is to call the HR "Help" Desk 1-800 number. If anyone remembers the trouble i had getting back to work after i had surgery, you'll see why the idea of calling that number makes me want to cry. But, i bit the bullet, and was not disappointed by the complete ineptitude. Now, the woman was very nice, and very uninformed. She told me to type in "Adoptions" in the search engine and there was all kinds of information. There is; lots and lots of information on how to find an agency, what is a home study, etc. Basic adoption information in article form. Not company adoption benefits. She then told me that "she didn't think" we would qualify for the carseat thing because of the 30/45 days deal, and that she had never heard of a reimbursement benefit. AND then she (stupid me) got my hopes up by saying that if i were to take FMLA, the company reimburses part of the pay. So it's not totally unpaid. She couldn't tell me what percentage, of course. She said "she thought" it was 60% unless you'd worked for the company for 25+ years (because i'm sure a ton of employees are giving birth or adopting at 46+ years of age. But i digress). She told me how to follow links to find the information about FMLA, and, i kid you not, the webiste actually says, "Call the HR Help Desk". Which at one point she was kind of rude to me and said, "Did you look at that website?" and i said, "i did, but did you? Because it just says to call HR." She then tells me that i have to request FMLA (complete with start and end dates, mind you) before i find out how much the company will reimburse me for.
OK, so after that i email a Sr. Manager i know in the Benefits department, asking him whom i can speak with. He tells me to call the HR Help Desk, and i tell him that i did but it was not informative. So he launches an investigation lol. Eventually i get to talk to a real person in person. The bottom line is there are no benefits i didn't know about, there IS the reimbursement, there IS the $75 car seat (which unless we get some sort of exception we will not qualify for), there is FMLA but it's completely unpaid. Which, again, is actually fine. But it shouldn't have taken a good chunk of a week and several false leads to find out lol.
The BAD news and what i actually think is completely ludicrous -- if it's true... As i said, the $5000 reimbursement is for up to 2 adoptions. i think they did this in 2007 when they did away with IVF coverage (they used to cover 2 IVF attempts or 2 adoptions or 1 of each, now it's just 2 adoptions). Fine, no biggie. The car seat benefit is for unlimited children, adopted or bio. So when i was speaking in-person with the HR rep and the subject of other benefits, like life insurance and health insurance and flex spending account for child care, came up, he told me that (he thinks) if we take ANY benefit from car seat to life insurance for D, but we don't submit anything for reimbursement, that it still counts as one adoption. These are benefits that every child is entitled to, whether bio or adopted. So we could have 12 biological kids who each get $75 per car seat and who each get optional life insurance and who each can be put on our health insurance plan, and then we could adopt children number 13 and 14 and get those benefits plus the $5k reimbursement each. But if we adopt D and take these same benefits that she's entitled to regardless of how she enters our family permanently, we cannot get the $5k for 2 more adoptions, only 1 more.
Now, it's probably a "moo" point anyway because chances are we will not adopt 2 more children through the type of adoption that costs money, or i won't work for the same company at the time, etc etc, but it's still pretty silly, no? What Alan and i have discussed loosely at this point is being available forever for any more of D's biological siblings who could be born at some point in the future, which could happen tomorrow or in 10 years or never. We're not preventing pregnancy but we know those chances are slim. And if D is still any only child at somewhere around 3 or 4 years old, we'll start the Domestic Adoption process to adopt a sibling for her. But chances are we won't adopt domestically more than once due to cost, time, etc. BUT i've been around adoption forums and such long enough to see several situations where adoptive parents have been faced with the possibility of adopting a full or half sibling to their child, and it happens in domestic adoption situations as well as foster/adopt. And, if that happened, we'd probably try to make it happen just like we would with a foster/adopt sibling of D's. And i would HATE to think that one of the factors in making that hypothetical decision that we'll probably never be faced with is this stupid policy at my company.
Anyway, thought you might enjoy my fun with HR lately.
It's more the way it all went down that leaves me cracking up. Last week Alan found out that his company offers 3 paid days off for adoption. i know, it's just 3 days, but it's still 3 days, which is better than nothing. He can use one in July and the other 2 another time (July is ratings period, so they're stingy with time off during ratings for obvious reasons). So this is great news!
Like i said, i know my company offers $5k reimbursement for up to 2 adoptions, and the only other benefit i know of is a $75 reimbursement for a car seat (which is an adoption OR birth benefit), but for adoptions you have to buy the carseat within 30 days before the adoption or 45 days after the adoption finalization. Which means that we don't get even that benefit since we had to buy the infant seats over a year ago and the convertible carseats about 6 months ago (well, we didn't HAVE to but with her reflux we thought it might help the constant carseat crying, and she turned 20 pounds months ago so it still wouldn't have worked for us). i have to say that i think that timeframe is ludicrous for any type of adoption because in TN finalization is at least 6 months after the baby is placed in the home. i guess for some it would work for the convertible, but it's still stupid. But at this point i'd rather have 3 paid days off (or ONE lol since i have so little vacation time thanks to someone's court dates and doctor's appointments and sick days) than $75. So no biggie.
But, all that to say that when Alan found out about his 3 days off, i decided to just verify at work that there really aren't any benefits that we'll qualify for. i mean, anything is better than nothing. Weeeelll... First stop at my company is to call the HR "Help" Desk 1-800 number. If anyone remembers the trouble i had getting back to work after i had surgery, you'll see why the idea of calling that number makes me want to cry. But, i bit the bullet, and was not disappointed by the complete ineptitude. Now, the woman was very nice, and very uninformed. She told me to type in "Adoptions" in the search engine and there was all kinds of information. There is; lots and lots of information on how to find an agency, what is a home study, etc. Basic adoption information in article form. Not company adoption benefits. She then told me that "she didn't think" we would qualify for the carseat thing because of the 30/45 days deal, and that she had never heard of a reimbursement benefit. AND then she (stupid me) got my hopes up by saying that if i were to take FMLA, the company reimburses part of the pay. So it's not totally unpaid. She couldn't tell me what percentage, of course. She said "she thought" it was 60% unless you'd worked for the company for 25+ years (because i'm sure a ton of employees are giving birth or adopting at 46+ years of age. But i digress). She told me how to follow links to find the information about FMLA, and, i kid you not, the webiste actually says, "Call the HR Help Desk". Which at one point she was kind of rude to me and said, "Did you look at that website?" and i said, "i did, but did you? Because it just says to call HR." She then tells me that i have to request FMLA (complete with start and end dates, mind you) before i find out how much the company will reimburse me for.
OK, so after that i email a Sr. Manager i know in the Benefits department, asking him whom i can speak with. He tells me to call the HR Help Desk, and i tell him that i did but it was not informative. So he launches an investigation lol. Eventually i get to talk to a real person in person. The bottom line is there are no benefits i didn't know about, there IS the reimbursement, there IS the $75 car seat (which unless we get some sort of exception we will not qualify for), there is FMLA but it's completely unpaid. Which, again, is actually fine. But it shouldn't have taken a good chunk of a week and several false leads to find out lol.
The BAD news and what i actually think is completely ludicrous -- if it's true... As i said, the $5000 reimbursement is for up to 2 adoptions. i think they did this in 2007 when they did away with IVF coverage (they used to cover 2 IVF attempts or 2 adoptions or 1 of each, now it's just 2 adoptions). Fine, no biggie. The car seat benefit is for unlimited children, adopted or bio. So when i was speaking in-person with the HR rep and the subject of other benefits, like life insurance and health insurance and flex spending account for child care, came up, he told me that (he thinks) if we take ANY benefit from car seat to life insurance for D, but we don't submit anything for reimbursement, that it still counts as one adoption. These are benefits that every child is entitled to, whether bio or adopted. So we could have 12 biological kids who each get $75 per car seat and who each get optional life insurance and who each can be put on our health insurance plan, and then we could adopt children number 13 and 14 and get those benefits plus the $5k reimbursement each. But if we adopt D and take these same benefits that she's entitled to regardless of how she enters our family permanently, we cannot get the $5k for 2 more adoptions, only 1 more.
Now, it's probably a "moo" point anyway because chances are we will not adopt 2 more children through the type of adoption that costs money, or i won't work for the same company at the time, etc etc, but it's still pretty silly, no? What Alan and i have discussed loosely at this point is being available forever for any more of D's biological siblings who could be born at some point in the future, which could happen tomorrow or in 10 years or never. We're not preventing pregnancy but we know those chances are slim. And if D is still any only child at somewhere around 3 or 4 years old, we'll start the Domestic Adoption process to adopt a sibling for her. But chances are we won't adopt domestically more than once due to cost, time, etc. BUT i've been around adoption forums and such long enough to see several situations where adoptive parents have been faced with the possibility of adopting a full or half sibling to their child, and it happens in domestic adoption situations as well as foster/adopt. And, if that happened, we'd probably try to make it happen just like we would with a foster/adopt sibling of D's. And i would HATE to think that one of the factors in making that hypothetical decision that we'll probably never be faced with is this stupid policy at my company.
Anyway, thought you might enjoy my fun with HR lately.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
New school - Day 3
i picked D up today and they were taking her temperature because she vomited and they assumed she was sick, especially when they heard her raspy breath. i did fill out a sheet about the reflux and laryngomalacia but i'm not sure it got shared with the teachers :(. Not only that, but she pinched her fingers in the little play kitchen, and when they were putting an ice pack on her fingers, she slipped and hit her head on the table. Poor kiddo!
Other than that, her day was great, though. i had a note that she had a huge smile on her face all through music time and that she even tried to do the Itsy Bitsy Spider :). That's right; my girl is a musical prodigy. LOL!
She also ate pretty well (REALLY well at snack time apparently) and napped for an hour and a half. She was still uber-fussy and overtired when i picked her up, though.
Other than that, her day was great, though. i had a note that she had a huge smile on her face all through music time and that she even tried to do the Itsy Bitsy Spider :). That's right; my girl is a musical prodigy. LOL!
She also ate pretty well (REALLY well at snack time apparently) and napped for an hour and a half. She was still uber-fussy and overtired when i picked her up, though.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
A quiet weekend... thank goodness!
Wow, i gotta say i am wiped out! Last weekend's festivities really wore me out, especially the relative lack of sleep. i'm still making up for 10 1/2 months of broken and poor sleep i guess. And every time i thought i would go to bed early last week, something would happen and i didn't. i did manage to go to sleep around 10 a couple of nights, but none earlier than that.
This weekend we went to the farmer's market on Saturday and went to the playground and then to the pool at the Y on Sunday. Somehow this is only the second time we've been to the pool since we became members a month ago, but once again D absolutely had a BLAST! i don't know if you can really say that a baby is a natural at swimming, but she certainly seems to be. She loves for me to put her in a "superman" position and she paddles with her hands some and, when prompted, kicks with her feet. She started dipping her face in the water, which i do NOT love, and doing raspberries into the water, which is utterly adorable! When we were leaving, we saw another young toddler in the locker room whose mother said she is 16 months old. She said, "i saw her out there. She was amazing! My little one didn't enjoy it as much, but it was only our first time." i told her we've been before and didn't mention it was only once and she was just as good ;).
i've just pulled no-sugar-added apple cinnamon muffins from the oven for a few of D's breakfasts and snacks this week. She really loved the blueberry ones i made last week, so i hope these go over just as well. i've been stressing lately about what to send to daycare for meals and snacks since she starts a new daycare and i don't know how much personal attention she'll get at feeding time. She may not eat at all! We'll see... Tomorrow i decided on a blueberry muffin for breakfast, black beans (tried and true) and grape tomatoes with goat cheese for lunch, mixed fruit for snack, and i'll send mini-crackers with sunflower seed spread for an extra snack just in case. i'm reasonably sure she'll eat all of this; she has in the past anyway.
So the plan is that Alan will take her in the morning around 8:30 and stay with her until she gets warmed up (maybe longer). This will be in the middle of "work cycles" which is kind of like free play, so hopefully the teachers will have some time to spare to get to know her. And then i'm going to take the afternoon off so someone is close to home all day in case she doesn't enjoy herself (we don't want her to associate the new place with something negative), and then i'll pick her up early. i'm going to have Alan ask what a good time would be for me to pick her up so i can spend a little time there playing with her and interacting with the teachers, etc.
This weekend we went to the farmer's market on Saturday and went to the playground and then to the pool at the Y on Sunday. Somehow this is only the second time we've been to the pool since we became members a month ago, but once again D absolutely had a BLAST! i don't know if you can really say that a baby is a natural at swimming, but she certainly seems to be. She loves for me to put her in a "superman" position and she paddles with her hands some and, when prompted, kicks with her feet. She started dipping her face in the water, which i do NOT love, and doing raspberries into the water, which is utterly adorable! When we were leaving, we saw another young toddler in the locker room whose mother said she is 16 months old. She said, "i saw her out there. She was amazing! My little one didn't enjoy it as much, but it was only our first time." i told her we've been before and didn't mention it was only once and she was just as good ;).
i've just pulled no-sugar-added apple cinnamon muffins from the oven for a few of D's breakfasts and snacks this week. She really loved the blueberry ones i made last week, so i hope these go over just as well. i've been stressing lately about what to send to daycare for meals and snacks since she starts a new daycare and i don't know how much personal attention she'll get at feeding time. She may not eat at all! We'll see... Tomorrow i decided on a blueberry muffin for breakfast, black beans (tried and true) and grape tomatoes with goat cheese for lunch, mixed fruit for snack, and i'll send mini-crackers with sunflower seed spread for an extra snack just in case. i'm reasonably sure she'll eat all of this; she has in the past anyway.
So the plan is that Alan will take her in the morning around 8:30 and stay with her until she gets warmed up (maybe longer). This will be in the middle of "work cycles" which is kind of like free play, so hopefully the teachers will have some time to spare to get to know her. And then i'm going to take the afternoon off so someone is close to home all day in case she doesn't enjoy herself (we don't want her to associate the new place with something negative), and then i'll pick her up early. i'm going to have Alan ask what a good time would be for me to pick her up so i can spend a little time there playing with her and interacting with the teachers, etc.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Smashy Smashy
Who doesn't love cake smash pictures? Still can't show her face, but that will change soon enough :).
The petition is filed!
First off, we had a tremendous weekend and a very nice party and i couldn't be happier with how it turned out. It was pretty laid back and we didn't go all out, but i'm glad. There was enough stress and preparation without it :). Thanks to all who came, some from very far away!
Now, for adoption news: Our attorney filed our Petition to Adopt today! Woot woot! The state has been in a hurry to get us finalized ever since our determination of active adoption assistance, so *hopefully* they will do what they need to do before court in time to get on the docket for July 6. Our county only does adoptions on the first Tuesday of every month, so it's July 6 or we wait a whole 'nother month. The attorney says (unofficially, of course) that the drop-dead date for the state to do their thing and still make July is probably June 29, so almost 3 weeks. We'll cross our fingers that they're really as motivated as they seem to be, and that they don't screw anything up (like fill out the papers without adoption assistance, which i wouldn't put past them lol).
In other good news, "Charlotte" to be starts at a Montessori preschool on Monday! Yay! i am thrilled that she will have this education that i'm a huge fan of, but i admit to being worried about the transition, that she will either not eat or not sleep or both, since they don't use high chairs or cribs but rather short tables and floor mattresses. Oooh, so much is happening so fast, finally!
Now, for adoption news: Our attorney filed our Petition to Adopt today! Woot woot! The state has been in a hurry to get us finalized ever since our determination of active adoption assistance, so *hopefully* they will do what they need to do before court in time to get on the docket for July 6. Our county only does adoptions on the first Tuesday of every month, so it's July 6 or we wait a whole 'nother month. The attorney says (unofficially, of course) that the drop-dead date for the state to do their thing and still make July is probably June 29, so almost 3 weeks. We'll cross our fingers that they're really as motivated as they seem to be, and that they don't screw anything up (like fill out the papers without adoption assistance, which i wouldn't put past them lol).
In other good news, "Charlotte" to be starts at a Montessori preschool on Monday! Yay! i am thrilled that she will have this education that i'm a huge fan of, but i admit to being worried about the transition, that she will either not eat or not sleep or both, since they don't use high chairs or cribs but rather short tables and floor mattresses. Oooh, so much is happening so fast, finally!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Who knew?
Who knew a year ago what today would bring? Right at 1 year ago exactly, the doorbell was ringing and CPS was dropping Baby D off. And i had NO IDEA what to do with her! She was so teeny tiny, just over 5 pounds of screaming, hurting little tiny delicate alien creature. And now, one year later, she walks, and talks (some), and is oh, so independent. i was, and still am still, utterly in awe of her, and just so humbled that God would entrust her well-being to us. i know there have been times when my patience has been short, and i regret those times, but overall i think i've done okay. And one thing i know for sure is that Alan is an incredible daddy and i'm so proud of him and thrilled to have him.
Today we learned that the state determined that D WILL qualify for adoption assistance. We won the battle! And now the state is suddenly in a huge hurry to finalize her adoption, i guess because assistance comes from a different budget. We have a call in to our attorney and the number 1 question will be "How soon can we finalize?" Meanwhile the state just has to get us the proper paperwork to sign.
i called some daycare centers today and found 2 good choices. One is an upscale traditional center that's a lot like a private school; i'll call tomorrow and set up a tour, hopefully also tomorrow. The other is... dah dah dah dah... a Montessori school! Yay! The other Mont. schools in town ask for a full school year's payment up front, but this one, and the other center, are weekly or monthly. Which is a huge relief in light of the furnace debacle. Speaking of which, i should sign off because someone is here to give an estimate. Thanks for reading!
Today we learned that the state determined that D WILL qualify for adoption assistance. We won the battle! And now the state is suddenly in a huge hurry to finalize her adoption, i guess because assistance comes from a different budget. We have a call in to our attorney and the number 1 question will be "How soon can we finalize?" Meanwhile the state just has to get us the proper paperwork to sign.
i called some daycare centers today and found 2 good choices. One is an upscale traditional center that's a lot like a private school; i'll call tomorrow and set up a tour, hopefully also tomorrow. The other is... dah dah dah dah... a Montessori school! Yay! The other Mont. schools in town ask for a full school year's payment up front, but this one, and the other center, are weekly or monthly. Which is a huge relief in light of the furnace debacle. Speaking of which, i should sign off because someone is here to give an estimate. Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
What a year!
i'm posting this on Tuesday, June 2, 2010. One year ago yesterday, D was born. And one year ago tomorrow, she came to live with us. It's crazy to think it's been a whole year. It's also crazy to think that we didn't know she existed for 2 days.
In honor of her birthday, Alan and i redid her room. Here are some pictures:
In honor of her birthday, Alan and i redid her room. Here are some pictures:
So that's how we've been spending the last few weekends. i'm THRILLED with how it turned out; it's even nicer than the photos show.
Tuesday we picked up the paperwork from the doctor and dropped it off today, so we're hoping to hear something very soon about the adoption assistance so we can get the adoption going FINALLY.
i'm sure i'll have more to say tomorrow :).
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