This one has me kicking myself because i think made a mistake. It was a call for a 6 month old biracial baby girl who was removed from her birthmom due to mom's drug use, and placed with relatives who aren't able to care for her, so she's coming into foster care.
i called Alan first, then called the daycare i had set up for the toddlers, but they don't have any infant openings until September. Since i used all my vacation time with the toddlers, i had to turn it down. i could have taken FMLA, but i don't want to push it at this point (what if i need it for other reasons later? Like other kids, this one getting sick, or IVF being successful...). Plus i already had one unpaid day off this month.
What i didn't realize until later is that it's the last day of the month. Making tomorrow the first day of the month. Which means as of tomorrow, i have a full vacation day because i had a fraction left over before. Now, whether i could have found daycare for an infant in only one day is questionable, perhaps even laughable, so it still may have been the best thing. But i could perhaps have worked it out, meaning right now i wish i hadn't said no.
The only good news is i'm within 5.5 pounds of my weight loss goal. Well, the "i have to weigh less than this much to do IVF" goal. i still have a LONG way to go to be beautiful, or even healthy. But anyway... that's exciting. i think i can call and set up a consult at the clinic now as it's hopefully a good bet that by the 3-4 weeks it will take to get us an appointment, i will have the rest off, plus perhaps the buffer for the difference in doctor's office scales and such.
The funny part of it is that i set my Wii Fit goal up wrong last week. i usually set them up for 5 pounds weight loss every 2 weeks. Last week i (ugh) didn't make my goal. So i had to set up a new one. And apparently i set it up wrong and set it up as 5 pounds weight GAIN in 2 weeks. So now every time i get on the scale it says "You have 7.5 pounds to gain before your goal," "You have 8.5 pounds to gain before your goal," etc. Cracks me up!
Well, i'd better go work out so i'm not tempted to wallow in my stupidity.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Long time, no blog
Sorry i haven't blogged lately. i haven't had much nice to say, so i've been living the old adage lol.
Not much happened this week except for me starting BCP on Sunday and having a migraine just about ever since. i don't know if it's the hormones or the diuretic component of Yasmin, but i do think it's the pill. Which means i may have to choose between endo pain and migraines. Not exactly a good decision to make.
On the good side, sort of: i didn't make my weight loss goal for last week. i basically plateau'ed over the last 2 weeks, which is no good. Not that i have anyone but myself to blame. i lost focus i think. Which sucks. BUT, despite me eating way too much this weekend (partially because of the headaches -- and oh my gosh it was so good!), i apparently lost 2.5 pounds between Friday and Monday. Or so sayeth the faulty Wii Fit anyway. Perhaps the BCP have been helping with the weight loss after all, as they're supposed to. Which means i have 6.5 pounds more to lose, or 10 pounds to be safe. i'm hoping to get 5 more in by my birthday, May 10. It's going to be a really tough 2 weeks though!
Heheheh i do think i'm getting a blowtorch for my birthday though :).
Not much happened this week except for me starting BCP on Sunday and having a migraine just about ever since. i don't know if it's the hormones or the diuretic component of Yasmin, but i do think it's the pill. Which means i may have to choose between endo pain and migraines. Not exactly a good decision to make.
On the good side, sort of: i didn't make my weight loss goal for last week. i basically plateau'ed over the last 2 weeks, which is no good. Not that i have anyone but myself to blame. i lost focus i think. Which sucks. BUT, despite me eating way too much this weekend (partially because of the headaches -- and oh my gosh it was so good!), i apparently lost 2.5 pounds between Friday and Monday. Or so sayeth the faulty Wii Fit anyway. Perhaps the BCP have been helping with the weight loss after all, as they're supposed to. Which means i have 6.5 pounds more to lose, or 10 pounds to be safe. i'm hoping to get 5 more in by my birthday, May 10. It's going to be a really tough 2 weeks though!
Heheheh i do think i'm getting a blowtorch for my birthday though :).
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
New obsession
i'm seriously considering lifting the ban on birthday presents this year. Why? Because i want a blowtorch. Just a little one lol.
i'm waaaaaay behind the times, but i recently found out that they make a type of clay made out of 90% silver or gold particles, and 10% binders that make it pliable like clay. In fact it's called "Precious Metal Clay". Once you shape something like a pendant or a ring, etc, you heat it up to a really really high temp (close to 2000 degrees Fahrenheit), and the binder stuff burns off, and the silver or gold particles melt and bind together. So it's pretty much just like you cast sterline silver, except it's actually more pure than sterling. It's 99% pure. You can heat the object in a kiln, or with a torch.
i have a lot of ideas for pendants, charms, etc, especially ones specific to infertility and adoption, and motherhood. i would love to be able to make and sell these for my adoption fundraiser, or just for myself. And to know i can.
In fact, i am so obsessed that i actually tossed and turned all last night thinking and dreaming about it. i'm such a dork.
i'm waaaaaay behind the times, but i recently found out that they make a type of clay made out of 90% silver or gold particles, and 10% binders that make it pliable like clay. In fact it's called "Precious Metal Clay". Once you shape something like a pendant or a ring, etc, you heat it up to a really really high temp (close to 2000 degrees Fahrenheit), and the binder stuff burns off, and the silver or gold particles melt and bind together. So it's pretty much just like you cast sterline silver, except it's actually more pure than sterling. It's 99% pure. You can heat the object in a kiln, or with a torch.
i have a lot of ideas for pendants, charms, etc, especially ones specific to infertility and adoption, and motherhood. i would love to be able to make and sell these for my adoption fundraiser, or just for myself. And to know i can.
In fact, i am so obsessed that i actually tossed and turned all last night thinking and dreaming about it. i'm such a dork.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
An Inane Post About My Weekend
Friday night i gave myself to just wallow. Saturday i got up and got the kids' stuff together, and Alan and i drove it to their house and dropped it off. They happen to live nearish my favorite bead shop, so we went there, and then headed to SATCO for lunch. After lunch we came home and i made a necklace and several pairs of earrings and such and listed them on Etsy. Then we watched "Legend of the Seeker", a terrible and wonderful show from the people who brought you Hercules and Xena, but it's not as good (but -- hooray -- it's every bit as bad).
Today we watched "State of Play", which was quite good, before going to Home Depot and buying some plants for my herb garden (Basil, Greek Oregano, Flat Parsley, Marjoram, as well as a tomato plant, a yellow squash plant, and a red bell pepper plant). i have a black thumb so i'm sure it will all be dead soon. We also got a honeysuckle plant, and are trying to figure out where to plant it lol.
i still feel pretty dead inside. i don't know whether i can ever be a mommy again :(.
Today we watched "State of Play", which was quite good, before going to Home Depot and buying some plants for my herb garden (Basil, Greek Oregano, Flat Parsley, Marjoram, as well as a tomato plant, a yellow squash plant, and a red bell pepper plant). i have a black thumb so i'm sure it will all be dead soon. We also got a honeysuckle plant, and are trying to figure out where to plant it lol.
i still feel pretty dead inside. i don't know whether i can ever be a mommy again :(.
Friday, April 17, 2009
The kids went home
The kids went home after court with their grandmother. She was awarded temporary custody until the birthmother can be located (or until a real attempt can be made). i'm really happy for the kids, and sad for me. i already miss them so much. i just feel empty inside.
My fears
i'll be honest. i don't know if i am feeling this genuinely, or if it's my overall selfish desire to keep these kids talking.
i believe that the kids would be fine with their grandmother. They would probably be better off, since kids do better (statistically) with family. But suppose grandmother takes them back and then changes her mind again. Takes a turn for the worse medically, or Little Sister enters the terrible twos and Big Brother never exits them and they're just too much to deal with. My fear is that grandmother, who has now turned them over to DCS once and is learning very quickly what a pain in the butt THAT is, is having to deal with court and immigration fears and all of that. Why would she turn them over to DCS again if she changes her mind again? i think if i were in her shoes, i wouldn't. i would hand them over to another relative or a family friend instead of going the "official" route. Which *could* be very dangerous for the kids.
i also fear that this week is my only week to be a mother. For reasons i can't really go into, or don't want to right now. So naturally that freaks me out.
Kids are up, better go.
i believe that the kids would be fine with their grandmother. They would probably be better off, since kids do better (statistically) with family. But suppose grandmother takes them back and then changes her mind again. Takes a turn for the worse medically, or Little Sister enters the terrible twos and Big Brother never exits them and they're just too much to deal with. My fear is that grandmother, who has now turned them over to DCS once and is learning very quickly what a pain in the butt THAT is, is having to deal with court and immigration fears and all of that. Why would she turn them over to DCS again if she changes her mind again? i think if i were in her shoes, i wouldn't. i would hand them over to another relative or a family friend instead of going the "official" route. Which *could* be very dangerous for the kids.
i also fear that this week is my only week to be a mother. For reasons i can't really go into, or don't want to right now. So naturally that freaks me out.
Kids are up, better go.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
To be continued
Court was continued until tomorrow because there wasn't a court-appointed interpreter. i have a gut feeling the kids will be going home tomorrow or at least soon. :(
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Busy couple of days
i talked to the kids' caseworker today, and he said that the grandmother has changed her mind about giving up the kids. She misses them a lot and thinks she can care for them. So there's a court case tomorrow at 1:00 Central Time. The caseworker says it's not likely the kids will go home tomorrow because they (the state) will not recommend for it given that the grandmother is an illegal alien, but the judge could still order it to happen.
Today we had our first visit with the grandmother. It started out interesting when i signed in and asked for the caseworker, and the lady at the desk said he doesn't work in this office. But that's where he said to go! i knew i was in the right place when the family turned up there, too, but it was another 20 minutes before we got the caseworker to come get us and take us into the visitation room. So there we were in the front waiting room trying to wrangle all the kids (grandmother brought an aunt and a cousin who's a few months younger than Lil Sister!) with no toys. Sounds about typical to me.
The grandmother cried when she saw them. She clearly loves them very much. But it sure was hectic with her trying to care for all 3 toddlers, so i can see why she made the initial call! i don't know if she was watching all 3 of them all day, but wow. And the little cousin has a personality more like Big Brother (meaning more of a hitter, more of a screamer, etc), so it was pretty wild. i brought them some pictures of the kids that i took on Easter (not from behind lol), and they seemed thankful.
The sad part was when Big Brother cried when it was time to go. And kept calling for Mama' and it wasn't me lol.
Please say a prayer or two that tomorrow's court case brings out the best possible outcome for these kids. Whether that means going home, or staying with us, or something else entirely, i really just want the best for the babies.
Today we had our first visit with the grandmother. It started out interesting when i signed in and asked for the caseworker, and the lady at the desk said he doesn't work in this office. But that's where he said to go! i knew i was in the right place when the family turned up there, too, but it was another 20 minutes before we got the caseworker to come get us and take us into the visitation room. So there we were in the front waiting room trying to wrangle all the kids (grandmother brought an aunt and a cousin who's a few months younger than Lil Sister!) with no toys. Sounds about typical to me.
The grandmother cried when she saw them. She clearly loves them very much. But it sure was hectic with her trying to care for all 3 toddlers, so i can see why she made the initial call! i don't know if she was watching all 3 of them all day, but wow. And the little cousin has a personality more like Big Brother (meaning more of a hitter, more of a screamer, etc), so it was pretty wild. i brought them some pictures of the kids that i took on Easter (not from behind lol), and they seemed thankful.
The sad part was when Big Brother cried when it was time to go. And kept calling for Mama' and it wasn't me lol.
Please say a prayer or two that tomorrow's court case brings out the best possible outcome for these kids. Whether that means going home, or staying with us, or something else entirely, i really just want the best for the babies.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Some cuteness from today
We got up and toured the new daycare (still no vax so i can't go back to work yet, bah), and i was very happy with it. It's within a few miles of home, is new, clean, and well-run. i was very impressed.
Then we went to the park, but it was a little too cold and cloudy to do much. Big Brother loves to swing, Lil Sister isn't so sure. They both love to slide. A pair of twins who are just a few months older than Lil Sis came and they were bigger than Big Brother! i wonder what the doctor will say about their size; they're obviously small. Big Bro was pretty obsessed with the twin girls.
Went home in time to see Alan off to work (our morning outing was to let him get some sleep), and an e-friend invited us to lunch with her and her toddler who is about Lil Sister's age. But, once again, much much bigger. Anyway, the kids did pretty well, so that was fun.
But the cutest was when Big Brother decided he really wanted to give me lots of hugs and kisses. Right before he smacked me in the eye (and got time out lol). And i was holding him and he saw some wedding and other various pics of Alan and me on the mantle and all evening he pointed at the mantle and said "Papa'!" So sweet!
Then we went to the park, but it was a little too cold and cloudy to do much. Big Brother loves to swing, Lil Sister isn't so sure. They both love to slide. A pair of twins who are just a few months older than Lil Sis came and they were bigger than Big Brother! i wonder what the doctor will say about their size; they're obviously small. Big Bro was pretty obsessed with the twin girls.
Went home in time to see Alan off to work (our morning outing was to let him get some sleep), and an e-friend invited us to lunch with her and her toddler who is about Lil Sister's age. But, once again, much much bigger. Anyway, the kids did pretty well, so that was fun.
But the cutest was when Big Brother decided he really wanted to give me lots of hugs and kisses. Right before he smacked me in the eye (and got time out lol). And i was holding him and he saw some wedding and other various pics of Alan and me on the mantle and all evening he pointed at the mantle and said "Papa'!" So sweet!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Some Pictures
Okay, good, i got some i can (i hope) post publicly. Sorry they don't actually show faces, but that's part of the privacy rules. Hopefully you can still get an idea of how cute they are!
Happy Easter!
i hope to be able to post some cute pics of the kids on their Easter egg hunt (from behind, of course). We'll see!
Thought i'd leave an entry about how yesterday went. Over all, it went really well. It was Alan's first day with the kiddies, and he did terrific. And i know it's hard for him, because he's afraid of little ones, and the lack of understanding English doesn't help at all. At all. But really the kids are figuring it out pretty well from tone of voice and body language. And Big Brother is *so sensitive* (read: if you say "No" too loudly, he hides and cries -- tears my heart UP inside) that he really tries to please.
First we took the kids out for Mexican food for lunch. i'd actually already fed them recently, so Big Bro just munched on a tortilla and some chips and Lil Sister didn't really want anything. We've been going to this restaurant since we moved to this part of town 2 1/2 years ago, so the waiters and waitresses know us. There's this one waitress who is as nice as can be, and she stopped by to ask if the family was bigger now. She congratulated us many time. Unfortunately, she told me there is no common nickname for Big Brother's name. Sigh. This is horrible, because i know it's his name, but i am SO unfamiliar with it, and it's SO, um, not appealing to me on an "ooh, that's a pretty name" level that i can't remember his name half the time. i want to call him a completely different Hispanic name that starts with the same letter. Or change the leading U to an O and the trailing O to a U. Poor kid is going to start having an identity crisis. i'm going to have to find out his middle name, or if they had a nickname for him, or something. i never thought if i adopted a foster child that i would change their name, because they came with it and are familiar with it, but i'm starting to see why now. Yes, i suck, but (and this is not his name, i'm totally making it up) you follow a toddler around trying to remember the name Yobieldo or something and see if you still feel like Judgey McJudgerson lol. Boy i hope he never reads this lol.
After lunch, we went home so the kids could take a nap, then we went to the horse farm, stopping at Sam's on the way to pick up some oil for Sunny. The kids were, of course, great (i never would have thought it would be almost easy to take two toddlers to the store, but the hardest part is getting them out of and into their carseats) at Sam's, and the horse farm went far better than i expected actually. Big Brother was, of course, very scared, but he settled into a routine of bringing me treats. Sunny is going to get fat! Lil Sister was less scared, and was the first to let Alan pick her up and pet him. The first "mishap" was when Big Brother got a little braver and stood near me near Sunny's head while he grazed. He was brave and happy until Sunny sniffed the top of his head lol. Then he screamed and ran away. BUT he did let Alan pick him up and let him pet him, nowhere near his head of course lol.
The only other mishaps also involved animals. The farm owner has a little dog. i can't remember if he's an oversized Min Pin or a Manchester Terrier, but one of those little black and tan dogs. His name is Fenton, and he barks ferociously at people. Of course he ended up being loose, and Big Brother was petrified. Which, the way Fenton barks, is understandable. But then again, he was petrified at an extremely friendly cat named Pumpkin, so i think he is just petrified of animals in general. It makes me wonder if he was taught that, or if it came naturally. Lil Sister is not nearly so frightened of animals.
The good news is they've gotten to the point where they can see the dogs through the glass doors and not freak out. They even approach the doors and say "Gua gua" (thanks Sweet Spikette for telling me what that means: It sounds like "wah wah" kind of and is kind of like "woof woof") and wave at the "bueno wah wahs" as i say in my Spanglish. i'm sure it should be "gua guas buenos", but hey. i'm trying.
My friend will be over with her 10 year old at about 11, so i'd better get the kids up and fed breakfast and dressed in their Easter duds by then. i hope i'll have some non-identifying pictures to post soon. Be warned: i do NOT have the mommy/daughter dance down yet. Translation: i can't do her hair for the life of me! Later.
Thought i'd leave an entry about how yesterday went. Over all, it went really well. It was Alan's first day with the kiddies, and he did terrific. And i know it's hard for him, because he's afraid of little ones, and the lack of understanding English doesn't help at all. At all. But really the kids are figuring it out pretty well from tone of voice and body language. And Big Brother is *so sensitive* (read: if you say "No" too loudly, he hides and cries -- tears my heart UP inside) that he really tries to please.
First we took the kids out for Mexican food for lunch. i'd actually already fed them recently, so Big Bro just munched on a tortilla and some chips and Lil Sister didn't really want anything. We've been going to this restaurant since we moved to this part of town 2 1/2 years ago, so the waiters and waitresses know us. There's this one waitress who is as nice as can be, and she stopped by to ask if the family was bigger now. She congratulated us many time. Unfortunately, she told me there is no common nickname for Big Brother's name. Sigh. This is horrible, because i know it's his name, but i am SO unfamiliar with it, and it's SO, um, not appealing to me on an "ooh, that's a pretty name" level that i can't remember his name half the time. i want to call him a completely different Hispanic name that starts with the same letter. Or change the leading U to an O and the trailing O to a U. Poor kid is going to start having an identity crisis. i'm going to have to find out his middle name, or if they had a nickname for him, or something. i never thought if i adopted a foster child that i would change their name, because they came with it and are familiar with it, but i'm starting to see why now. Yes, i suck, but (and this is not his name, i'm totally making it up) you follow a toddler around trying to remember the name Yobieldo or something and see if you still feel like Judgey McJudgerson lol. Boy i hope he never reads this lol.
After lunch, we went home so the kids could take a nap, then we went to the horse farm, stopping at Sam's on the way to pick up some oil for Sunny. The kids were, of course, great (i never would have thought it would be almost easy to take two toddlers to the store, but the hardest part is getting them out of and into their carseats) at Sam's, and the horse farm went far better than i expected actually. Big Brother was, of course, very scared, but he settled into a routine of bringing me treats. Sunny is going to get fat! Lil Sister was less scared, and was the first to let Alan pick her up and pet him. The first "mishap" was when Big Brother got a little braver and stood near me near Sunny's head while he grazed. He was brave and happy until Sunny sniffed the top of his head lol. Then he screamed and ran away. BUT he did let Alan pick him up and let him pet him, nowhere near his head of course lol.
The only other mishaps also involved animals. The farm owner has a little dog. i can't remember if he's an oversized Min Pin or a Manchester Terrier, but one of those little black and tan dogs. His name is Fenton, and he barks ferociously at people. Of course he ended up being loose, and Big Brother was petrified. Which, the way Fenton barks, is understandable. But then again, he was petrified at an extremely friendly cat named Pumpkin, so i think he is just petrified of animals in general. It makes me wonder if he was taught that, or if it came naturally. Lil Sister is not nearly so frightened of animals.
The good news is they've gotten to the point where they can see the dogs through the glass doors and not freak out. They even approach the doors and say "Gua gua" (thanks Sweet Spikette for telling me what that means: It sounds like "wah wah" kind of and is kind of like "woof woof") and wave at the "bueno wah wahs" as i say in my Spanglish. i'm sure it should be "gua guas buenos", but hey. i'm trying.
My friend will be over with her 10 year old at about 11, so i'd better get the kids up and fed breakfast and dressed in their Easter duds by then. i hope i'll have some non-identifying pictures to post soon. Be warned: i do NOT have the mommy/daughter dance down yet. Translation: i can't do her hair for the life of me! Later.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Wow. i'm a mommy!
That's right. Yesterday afternoon i got the call i've been waiting for from DCS. A placement of two (2!!!!) toddlers that they think (of course you know how those things go, could change in half a second) will go to adoption. A 2 1/2 year old boy and his 1 1/2 year old sister. Yikes! And (double-yikes), they told me they are bilingual but clearly they are not. But we're getting along okay with my pidgin Spanish that i remember from high school. i guess you'd call it Spanglish. Its sentences consist of about 3 or 4 English words (such as "Do you want") followed by a Spanish word (like "leche" or milk). But they have a LOT of English to learn lol.
i did manage to (sort of) teach an English word to Big Brother. i was spinning him and Lil Sister in an office chair (to peals of laughter lol) and they would say "Ma" when the chair would stop. Which i presume is toddler-speak for "mas" which is "more" in Spanish. So i taught Big Brother to say "more". Sounds more like a cross between bore and vore, but i'll take it lol.
Introducing them to the dogs is going to be the next big challenge. Big Brother is scared to death when he sees them through the glass doors. He keeps saying "Wa wa" (if anyone knows what that means, feel free to comment with it!). i tell him "Perro es amigo" but i don't think he's buying it. Finding day care by Tuesday will also be a big challenge.
But first, Easter! i got them the cutest outfits and a friend and her 10 year old are coming over to have an Easter egg hunt. i'm hoping for a lot of pictures, and if any come out where i can post them (no faces), i will definitely do so!
Oh, and in amusing news, i realized about 2:00 today that i hadn't eaten in about 28 hours. i ate too much for lunch yesterday (with some coworkers), so i decided to skip dinner. But i ended up skipping breakfast and almost lunch as well! So, for the fun of it, i got on the Wii Fit to weigh myself and it said i've lost 6 pounds in 2 days, which i highly doubt. i guess i haven't had enough water either. Uh oh! Better go chug some water now!
i did manage to (sort of) teach an English word to Big Brother. i was spinning him and Lil Sister in an office chair (to peals of laughter lol) and they would say "Ma" when the chair would stop. Which i presume is toddler-speak for "mas" which is "more" in Spanish. So i taught Big Brother to say "more". Sounds more like a cross between bore and vore, but i'll take it lol.
Introducing them to the dogs is going to be the next big challenge. Big Brother is scared to death when he sees them through the glass doors. He keeps saying "Wa wa" (if anyone knows what that means, feel free to comment with it!). i tell him "Perro es amigo" but i don't think he's buying it. Finding day care by Tuesday will also be a big challenge.
But first, Easter! i got them the cutest outfits and a friend and her 10 year old are coming over to have an Easter egg hunt. i'm hoping for a lot of pictures, and if any come out where i can post them (no faces), i will definitely do so!
Oh, and in amusing news, i realized about 2:00 today that i hadn't eaten in about 28 hours. i ate too much for lunch yesterday (with some coworkers), so i decided to skip dinner. But i ended up skipping breakfast and almost lunch as well! So, for the fun of it, i got on the Wii Fit to weigh myself and it said i've lost 6 pounds in 2 days, which i highly doubt. i guess i haven't had enough water either. Uh oh! Better go chug some water now!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Title IV-E
Is the federal statute that dictates state funding and things like discrimination in placing children in foster or adoptive homes. In other words, states that receive federal funding cannot discriminate based on race.
Apparently its mere mention gets attention. As of today we are approved for any race of child from ages 2-10 (if we get a crib, we can take infants), or a sibling group of 2 or possibly 3.
Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Apparently its mere mention gets attention. As of today we are approved for any race of child from ages 2-10 (if we get a crib, we can take infants), or a sibling group of 2 or possibly 3.
Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Whew, what a weekend!
My brother brought his 3 boys into town. They're ages 10, 8, and 5, and they're typical boys, that's for sure. i can tell you i got my exercise this weekend!
Saturday we met down at the barn, and the boys took turns riding my horse Sunny. First i taught them how to give treats:
Then my little 5 year old nephew took the first turn riding. First of all, may i please lament the fact that he wears the same size helmet as i do? Which isn't so bad since he has a giant head (and the rest of him is pretty supersized, too, for his age; that's him on the left as tall as his 8 year old brother), but still!
According to my nephew, Sunny tied with the DS for fun, so that's a pretty good compliment.
Then, the 10 year old took his turn:
He was doing so well, we let him go off on his own:
i'm telling you, we could have a future Olympian on our hands! Kid is a natural! Third time on a horse and he had Sunny cantering.
Then the 8 year old took his turn:
He got to ride on his own a little in the arena, too. Here's me showing him where to hold the reins:
Then on Sunday Alan and i went up to my dad's house and played football with the kids, and a little baseball, too. We're both wiped out and sore, but we had fun! Cannot wait to have kids in our house, hopefully soon!
Saturday we met down at the barn, and the boys took turns riding my horse Sunny. First i taught them how to give treats:
Then my little 5 year old nephew took the first turn riding. First of all, may i please lament the fact that he wears the same size helmet as i do? Which isn't so bad since he has a giant head (and the rest of him is pretty supersized, too, for his age; that's him on the left as tall as his 8 year old brother), but still!
According to my nephew, Sunny tied with the DS for fun, so that's a pretty good compliment.
Then, the 10 year old took his turn:
He was doing so well, we let him go off on his own:
i'm telling you, we could have a future Olympian on our hands! Kid is a natural! Third time on a horse and he had Sunny cantering.
Then the 8 year old took his turn:
He got to ride on his own a little in the arena, too. Here's me showing him where to hold the reins:
Then on Sunday Alan and i went up to my dad's house and played football with the kids, and a little baseball, too. We're both wiped out and sore, but we had fun! Cannot wait to have kids in our house, hopefully soon!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Hmmmm...
OK, so in addition to the "caucasian kids only" news from the other day, i found out today we're "adoption only", not foster or foster/adopt. The difference is that kids placed for in pre-adoptive homes have already had their parental rights terminated, or it's about to happen really soon, and their foster homes don't want to/can't adopt them for whatever reason. Foster kids come in, and most go back home with their birthparents or other relatives. Sometimes there are no other relatives who can take the kids, and the birthparents can't get their lives together again, so eventually the parental rights are terminated and they become available for adoption. We want either type of placement, but apparently something else went wrong and we became adoption only. Why???????
It could take a very, very long time to get a pre-adoptive, caucasian only placement. i'm hoping they can clear this up quickly, but i don't know how this sort of thing happens! It's so frustrating. So, so frustrating.
On the plus side, i found this out from the placement department, so at least we're theoretically *eligible* for a placement. Alan says we'll get the call when i'm in labor. One more thing to scream about lol.
It could take a very, very long time to get a pre-adoptive, caucasian only placement. i'm hoping they can clear this up quickly, but i don't know how this sort of thing happens! It's so frustrating. So, so frustrating.
On the plus side, i found this out from the placement department, so at least we're theoretically *eligible* for a placement. Alan says we'll get the call when i'm in labor. One more thing to scream about lol.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
On the subject of Infertility
National Infertility Awareness Week is coming up soon, April 25-May 2, 2009. What does this mean? I have absolutely no idea whatsoever. Which is part of the problem if you think about it.
I like the idea of infertility awareness. I think it’s very sad that most of us who go through IF suffer in silence. And we do suffer. Only our spouses, and if we’re very lucky a family member or best friend, have a hint of what we’re going through. Sometimes we tell people, but it’s virtually a given that they don’t really understand. I certainly didn’t understand until I started really going through it. There may be people reading this blog who don’t understand it, though this is a good start. I know there’s not one person aside from my husband who has a clue about what I’m going through, and what with the differences in gender, I’m sure we experience this completely differently, but no doubt it’s hard on us both just like it’s hard on our relationship.
I recently read an article in People online about Constance Marie, who starred as George’s wife in the George Lopez show. She and her husband recently had a beautiful little girl who was born to their third IVF attempt. Here’s the article if you’re interested: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20269221,00.html She touches on the difficulties she had in conceiving, and how she supports others who are going through infertility.
This is a great start. It’s not something celebrities talk about any more than the regular people. And of course celebrities have a right to keep their private lives private, too. But as long as infertility is looked at as not a serious problem, as long as the prevailing attitude is “Just adopt” (adoption is a beautiful thing and as you know we hope to adopt someday whether or not our IVF is successful), but it’s far from simple and it’s not a cure for infertility and the emotional baggage that goes with it), companies won’t have incentive to secure coverage for infertility in their insurance benefits unless the state requires that they do (and only a few states do, leaving the vast majority of men and women who may be very much suffering with this problem without any coverage at all).
When Alan and I first started trying to conceive, I had no concept of infertility. And I’d been TOLD I might be infertile before we started trying! It’s just that I knew of people who “tried for five years before getting pregnant”. It’s like it was a given that if you just kept trying, it would happen. And if it didn’t, you could “just adopt”. I had no understanding at all of the complexity of the problem, the physical and emotional pain that goes along with it, the financial struggle and psychological torment. I just thought it magically happened. And, I’m sad to say that I probably said many of the platitudes that annoy me so much now. Even a simple question like “Are you planning to have kids?” can be serious torture to someone who has wanted nothing more for month after month after month. And the asker usually has no idea that they said something inappropriate.
Sometimes the asker says something inappropriate, and sometimes the asked only feels that way because they are trapped by the lack of available answer. One is left with only a few choices: 1) Be rude and tell the asker it’s none of their business and hope they get a hint, 2) Be perceived as rude and open up to the asker and tell them more than they ever wanted to know, 3) Just say something like, “Some day”, and go home and cry on the inside – again. Sometimes the circumstances dictate the reaction (you probably won’t open up to someone at a job interview, or there may not be time to open up to someone in public), and sometimes it’s dictated by societal rules of keeping certain things (like the bedroom) private. Yet it seems to be okay to ask about things that are none of anyone’s business. Or to offer up inane (and completely unhelpful) suggestions like “just relax” or “once you adopt you’ll get pregnant”.
So what can we do about it? Sometimes making an effort to educate ignorant people seems like an effort in futility. Saying something about the fact that you cannot have biological children, or have been trying for x years, etc, only seems to invite inane comments like “You never know” or “That happened to a friend of mine”. And sometimes we become the rude one somehow, even though they are the ones who overstepped their bounds by a long shot.
But I do think awareness has a shot at success. It wasn’t that many years ago that no one (unless they were personally affected or a family member was) really had a clue what autism is, or that breast cancer was one of those things that should NEVER be discussed in polite company. Now probably 1 in 4 people can recite some statistic relating to autism and argue one side or other of the vaccine debate, and women remind each other openly to do monthly breast self-exams and get their yearly mammograms, and companies sponsor walk-a-thon teams for something that used to be extremely taboo to discuss. Why should infertility be any different? It will probably take a lot of work, and several celebrity pioneers like Cindy Margolis and Constance Marie to come out about their experiences and difficulties as well as the “regular people” before we see any real, meaningful changes in insurance policies, but it has a shot and would be a very positive change.
Meanwhile, if you’re a woman who is having difficulty conceiving but has not pursued testing because you think you don’t have coverage or you don’t know what coverage you have, call EMD Serono’s Fertility Lifelines at 1-866-LETS-TRY, a free service from the fertility drug manufacturer that offers confidential and thorough benefits analysis to tell you what exactly *is* covered. Because most of us, unlike some celebrities, can’t come up with the money for multiple IVF’s or even one adoption without turning our lives upside down. Perhaps there’s some help there after all. You never know until you call.
Please comment or contact me and let me know what you think about this topic. I want to know how we can change the general perception, perhaps through real suggestions. I’m thinking about getting some of those wallet cards that people hand out sometimes, that I can give out when someone says something stupid, with the basic facts about infertility.
I like the idea of infertility awareness. I think it’s very sad that most of us who go through IF suffer in silence. And we do suffer. Only our spouses, and if we’re very lucky a family member or best friend, have a hint of what we’re going through. Sometimes we tell people, but it’s virtually a given that they don’t really understand. I certainly didn’t understand until I started really going through it. There may be people reading this blog who don’t understand it, though this is a good start. I know there’s not one person aside from my husband who has a clue about what I’m going through, and what with the differences in gender, I’m sure we experience this completely differently, but no doubt it’s hard on us both just like it’s hard on our relationship.
I recently read an article in People online about Constance Marie, who starred as George’s wife in the George Lopez show. She and her husband recently had a beautiful little girl who was born to their third IVF attempt. Here’s the article if you’re interested: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20269221,00.html She touches on the difficulties she had in conceiving, and how she supports others who are going through infertility.
This is a great start. It’s not something celebrities talk about any more than the regular people. And of course celebrities have a right to keep their private lives private, too. But as long as infertility is looked at as not a serious problem, as long as the prevailing attitude is “Just adopt” (adoption is a beautiful thing and as you know we hope to adopt someday whether or not our IVF is successful), but it’s far from simple and it’s not a cure for infertility and the emotional baggage that goes with it), companies won’t have incentive to secure coverage for infertility in their insurance benefits unless the state requires that they do (and only a few states do, leaving the vast majority of men and women who may be very much suffering with this problem without any coverage at all).
When Alan and I first started trying to conceive, I had no concept of infertility. And I’d been TOLD I might be infertile before we started trying! It’s just that I knew of people who “tried for five years before getting pregnant”. It’s like it was a given that if you just kept trying, it would happen. And if it didn’t, you could “just adopt”. I had no understanding at all of the complexity of the problem, the physical and emotional pain that goes along with it, the financial struggle and psychological torment. I just thought it magically happened. And, I’m sad to say that I probably said many of the platitudes that annoy me so much now. Even a simple question like “Are you planning to have kids?” can be serious torture to someone who has wanted nothing more for month after month after month. And the asker usually has no idea that they said something inappropriate.
Sometimes the asker says something inappropriate, and sometimes the asked only feels that way because they are trapped by the lack of available answer. One is left with only a few choices: 1) Be rude and tell the asker it’s none of their business and hope they get a hint, 2) Be perceived as rude and open up to the asker and tell them more than they ever wanted to know, 3) Just say something like, “Some day”, and go home and cry on the inside – again. Sometimes the circumstances dictate the reaction (you probably won’t open up to someone at a job interview, or there may not be time to open up to someone in public), and sometimes it’s dictated by societal rules of keeping certain things (like the bedroom) private. Yet it seems to be okay to ask about things that are none of anyone’s business. Or to offer up inane (and completely unhelpful) suggestions like “just relax” or “once you adopt you’ll get pregnant”.
So what can we do about it? Sometimes making an effort to educate ignorant people seems like an effort in futility. Saying something about the fact that you cannot have biological children, or have been trying for x years, etc, only seems to invite inane comments like “You never know” or “That happened to a friend of mine”. And sometimes we become the rude one somehow, even though they are the ones who overstepped their bounds by a long shot.
But I do think awareness has a shot at success. It wasn’t that many years ago that no one (unless they were personally affected or a family member was) really had a clue what autism is, or that breast cancer was one of those things that should NEVER be discussed in polite company. Now probably 1 in 4 people can recite some statistic relating to autism and argue one side or other of the vaccine debate, and women remind each other openly to do monthly breast self-exams and get their yearly mammograms, and companies sponsor walk-a-thon teams for something that used to be extremely taboo to discuss. Why should infertility be any different? It will probably take a lot of work, and several celebrity pioneers like Cindy Margolis and Constance Marie to come out about their experiences and difficulties as well as the “regular people” before we see any real, meaningful changes in insurance policies, but it has a shot and would be a very positive change.
Meanwhile, if you’re a woman who is having difficulty conceiving but has not pursued testing because you think you don’t have coverage or you don’t know what coverage you have, call EMD Serono’s Fertility Lifelines at 1-866-LETS-TRY, a free service from the fertility drug manufacturer that offers confidential and thorough benefits analysis to tell you what exactly *is* covered. Because most of us, unlike some celebrities, can’t come up with the money for multiple IVF’s or even one adoption without turning our lives upside down. Perhaps there’s some help there after all. You never know until you call.
Please comment or contact me and let me know what you think about this topic. I want to know how we can change the general perception, perhaps through real suggestions. I’m thinking about getting some of those wallet cards that people hand out sometimes, that I can give out when someone says something stupid, with the basic facts about infertility.
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