A story stolen from my husband:
Today Alan was playing with Charlotte in her room, and she was struggling to remove the back cushion from the big rocking chair that I rock her to sleep in nightly, grunting, pulling, etc. Alan said, "Why are you trying to move that cushion, Charlotte?"
She looked right at him and said, "It makes sense." Hmmm... do you think one of us uses that phrase a little too often? LMAO.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Adventures in Gardening
First let me say that i have a black thumb. Fortunately, my husband has better luck than i do, but i really love planting things and watching them grow, even if i suck at being their primary caretaker.
Anyway, this year we planted some herbs in the side bed which should get enough sun this year since the tree blocking it last year was trimmed down, veggies on the side of the front bed (we widened it a bit), and flowers in the 3 pots on the front porch. The veggies are watermelon, leeks, and of course tomatoes. We also planted a bonfire patio peach in the front yard and a trailing raspberry vine in the back so it can hopefully grow up the fence and look wild. Basically we planted Char's favorites lol.
But, the rest of the front bed is stil crazy wild and weedy, so a couple of nights this week i've been pulling them up a couple of feet wide at a time while Char drives me crazy, i mean explores our front yard and everyone else's. Tonight i got out the water pitchers and cups so she could practice pouring nearby. All was going well until i heard the fateful words: "i ride this."
No three words have struck more fear in the hearts of, well, me. Not even "i climb this." Sure enough, she came up behind me and climbed on my back. Then she said, "Horsey, horsey, hmm hmm hmmm" (the sound a horse makes, duh). So i played horsey in the front yard for a bit. Then i decided i could weed while she rode my back and i would wiggle a bit to keep her occupied. Um, well, it wasn't enough stimulation apparently so she decided to practice "vaulting". Vaulting, in the horse world, has a specific definition, and it goes something like this:
Also, my weeding displaced a worm, which Char found absolutely fascinating. She wanted me to touch it, over and over, but she wouldn't do it. Then i picked it up and put it in my hand, and she still didn't want to touch it. She put her finger out like she was going to touch it, but she stayed an inch away. Then she decided to hold it, and did. She did great with it, and even touched it with her other hand, and then it wiggled and she squealed and dropped it and yelled, "Ewwww!"
But she kept looking for the worm afterward. She even said, "Worm go night-night?" Awww, she made a friend! LOL
Anyway, this year we planted some herbs in the side bed which should get enough sun this year since the tree blocking it last year was trimmed down, veggies on the side of the front bed (we widened it a bit), and flowers in the 3 pots on the front porch. The veggies are watermelon, leeks, and of course tomatoes. We also planted a bonfire patio peach in the front yard and a trailing raspberry vine in the back so it can hopefully grow up the fence and look wild. Basically we planted Char's favorites lol.
But, the rest of the front bed is stil crazy wild and weedy, so a couple of nights this week i've been pulling them up a couple of feet wide at a time while Char drives me crazy, i mean explores our front yard and everyone else's. Tonight i got out the water pitchers and cups so she could practice pouring nearby. All was going well until i heard the fateful words: "i ride this."
No three words have struck more fear in the hearts of, well, me. Not even "i climb this." Sure enough, she came up behind me and climbed on my back. Then she said, "Horsey, horsey, hmm hmm hmmm" (the sound a horse makes, duh). So i played horsey in the front yard for a bit. Then i decided i could weed while she rode my back and i would wiggle a bit to keep her occupied. Um, well, it wasn't enough stimulation apparently so she decided to practice "vaulting". Vaulting, in the horse world, has a specific definition, and it goes something like this:
Also, my weeding displaced a worm, which Char found absolutely fascinating. She wanted me to touch it, over and over, but she wouldn't do it. Then i picked it up and put it in my hand, and she still didn't want to touch it. She put her finger out like she was going to touch it, but she stayed an inch away. Then she decided to hold it, and did. She did great with it, and even touched it with her other hand, and then it wiggled and she squealed and dropped it and yelled, "Ewwww!"
But she kept looking for the worm afterward. She even said, "Worm go night-night?" Awww, she made a friend! LOL
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
She doesn't need me anymore :(
Tonight, she opened the fridge, got out the yogurt, closed the fridge, opened the yogurt, opened the drawer, moved a chair to the drawer and climbed up, got out a spoon, got down, told me to "hold it", climbed up into her old high chair now turned counter-high stool, took the yogurt and ate it, threw the yogurt carton (and spoon, oops) in the trash, got a rag, wiped her face and the floor, and put the rag in the laundry.
i need a squishy baby, not this pre-teen creature! LOL!
i need a squishy baby, not this pre-teen creature! LOL!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
A little egg hunt
i thought i'd outsmart the ants and put the eggs out right before Char woke from her nap. Alas, they're too quick, so about half the eggs had ants in them along with bunny-shaped cookies and crackers. But she still had a fun time and half the cookies were spared (and 2 pieces of chocolate, too).
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
A visit with family
Yesterday we met Char's brother T at the park, along with his mom, dad, and one of his big sisters (the other is grown and couldn't make it). This is the first time we've been able to get together since Char's first birthday party, so it was definitely past time. But boy did the kids have fun!i don't want to post pics of someone else's kid on the internet, so i'll just post a behind shot. But let me tell you, these kids look alike! T's hair is a wee bit darker than Char's this year (hers may darken in a couple of years, too, who knows) and his lips are fuller than hers, but otherwise they're practically identical. In fact, T thinks Char's pictures are his baby pictures! LOL!
Char was her usual charming and CLIMBING self! She was all over the playground equipment like it was no taller than the sofa, including a challenging couple of climbers. Also, there was a tube slide that is SO fast! She went around and around to go down that one! It was funny because after Char had gone down a couple of times, T decided to try it, but he was really scared. He said, "Let me show Charlotte how!" So sweet!
After 2 hours, EVERYONE was exhausted but it was sooooo much fun! i think the next time we go will be to the zoo, which we'd better do before it gets too hot.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Um, take my last post subject and reverse it
Today i toured a preschool that the pod people from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" would be proud to send their kids to. Soulless, joyless drones. At 18 months old!!!
It was a Montessori school, which normally i love. i did like the 3-6 year old classrooms as the kids were very busy working on Montessori materials and learning. But those classrooms, and even the toddler room, were eerily quiet and orderly. Even the 2 kids who cried (one fell off a step up to a sink when trying to get herself a glass of water and i didn't see the other) cried quietly.
If my first goal were an orderly child, i would send her there in a heartbeat. But, since she's only 2 and i think 2 year olds should be able to laugh and play and have fun, i don't think it's the right fit for us.
When i think of Montessori, i usually have an avant-garde, hippyish feeling around the corners of my thoughts. Not at all that way today!
It was a Montessori school, which normally i love. i did like the 3-6 year old classrooms as the kids were very busy working on Montessori materials and learning. But those classrooms, and even the toddler room, were eerily quiet and orderly. Even the 2 kids who cried (one fell off a step up to a sink when trying to get herself a glass of water and i didn't see the other) cried quietly.
If my first goal were an orderly child, i would send her there in a heartbeat. But, since she's only 2 and i think 2 year olds should be able to laugh and play and have fun, i don't think it's the right fit for us.
When i think of Montessori, i usually have an avant-garde, hippyish feeling around the corners of my thoughts. Not at all that way today!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Wow! Daycare heaven!
The fam went together to check out a preschool this morning, and i think it's fair to say we were ALL blown away. The building is easily 2,000 square feet of basically open space (there is one foyer room and the rest is only subdivided by things like shelving and little stations. And the stations they have, too! Painting easels, dress up clothes, drawing with crayons, markers, scissors, oh my!
Outside they have a huge lot (not sure how many acres, but i'm guessing 5ish), with probably 1/2 acre fenced, with playground equipment, outdoor rustic buildings, even a chicken coop! Rain or shine, as long as it's above freezing and not thundering, the kids are free to go inside or outside in the fence. One teacher is outside while another is inside, and the third goes where the most kids are. They also have a creek outside the fence, and the kids keep rain boots so they can go explore the creek some days.
The school is inspired by the Reggio-Emilia style of learning, which is yet another Italian alternative education system similar to Montessori and Waldorf. In a two-dimensional explanation, Reggio is child-led, but more group-based than Montessori, and with more of the imaginative play that makes Waldorf fabulous, but without the crazy anthroposophic junk. They even had black crayons! LMAO! And zero gnomes in sight!
Another really neat thing about this particular school is the Green Circle program. Green Circle was started in the 60's to improve race relations, and they use it in this school. There's a green circle painted on a clear wall in the "foyer" area, and each child has photo of themselves that they can put inside the circle when they feel happy and included, and outside the circle when they feel excluded. It's a physical representation of inclusion, and it allows the other children to step in and help the child feel more included.
So, all that sounds great, right? Well, it was better than that! Unfortunately, there are some logistical problems. 1) The school is for kids ages 2 1/2 to 5. Which means theoretically she can't start until December, BUT they have a sometimes-bendable rule against kids starting mid-year prior to their third birthday, and 2) the school only goes to 2:30 pm, so we'd have to figure out after-school care. Sigh. We're going to write a letter to see if she can get in this December. And meanwhile we're going to try to find a mother's day out program for summer so that Alan can at least get a couple few mornings a week to get some yardwork, housework, chores, writing, or sleeping done!
Outside they have a huge lot (not sure how many acres, but i'm guessing 5ish), with probably 1/2 acre fenced, with playground equipment, outdoor rustic buildings, even a chicken coop! Rain or shine, as long as it's above freezing and not thundering, the kids are free to go inside or outside in the fence. One teacher is outside while another is inside, and the third goes where the most kids are. They also have a creek outside the fence, and the kids keep rain boots so they can go explore the creek some days.
The school is inspired by the Reggio-Emilia style of learning, which is yet another Italian alternative education system similar to Montessori and Waldorf. In a two-dimensional explanation, Reggio is child-led, but more group-based than Montessori, and with more of the imaginative play that makes Waldorf fabulous, but without the crazy anthroposophic junk. They even had black crayons! LMAO! And zero gnomes in sight!
Another really neat thing about this particular school is the Green Circle program. Green Circle was started in the 60's to improve race relations, and they use it in this school. There's a green circle painted on a clear wall in the "foyer" area, and each child has photo of themselves that they can put inside the circle when they feel happy and included, and outside the circle when they feel excluded. It's a physical representation of inclusion, and it allows the other children to step in and help the child feel more included.
So, all that sounds great, right? Well, it was better than that! Unfortunately, there are some logistical problems. 1) The school is for kids ages 2 1/2 to 5. Which means theoretically she can't start until December, BUT they have a sometimes-bendable rule against kids starting mid-year prior to their third birthday, and 2) the school only goes to 2:30 pm, so we'd have to figure out after-school care. Sigh. We're going to write a letter to see if she can get in this December. And meanwhile we're going to try to find a mother's day out program for summer so that Alan can at least get a couple few mornings a week to get some yardwork, housework, chores, writing, or sleeping done!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Positive Discipline/Unconditional Parenting
Friday night and Saturday morning i took a "Positive Discipline" seminar at Abintra Montessori in Nashville. This was a seminar based on the series of PD books by Jane Nelson; i've read "Positive Discipline: The First Three Years". i liked that book well enough, but once again it was mostly "distract and redirect", which just isn't effective for all kids, namely Char (or i'm ineffectual at it).
i liked the seminar a lot, because it helped really bridge the gap between the principles of Positive Discipline and the very thorough research in the book "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn. UP writes like a very long research paper, full of footnotes to support his hypotheses, but is really thought-provoking if nothing else. But it's more than that; it really lays the groundwork for PD.
Here's the basic idea: Traditional parenting styles consisting of punishments and rewards (which Kohn dubs as "love withdrawal" and "conditional parenting") -- even gentler punishments like time outs vs. spanking, and all types of rewards from sticker charts to everyday praise -- are "doing to" techniques. Unconditional Parenting (and Positive Discipline fits in here nicely) is "working with" techniques. To put it another way, if you punish kids for misbehavior or reward them for "good" behavior, they learn to behave how you want them to out of fear, or out of a desire to please the parent/teacher/etc. Positive Discipline techniques teach the kids about the effects of their actions on other people, and thus kids learn to "behave" from a moral pull to treat people well rather than fear of or desire to please the parents. i've always thought i'd rather my child say "thank you" 9 out of 10 times on their own than to say it 10 out of 10 times when i'm present only because i was right there ready to remind them if they forget ("What do you say?").
i think this philosophy dovetails beautifully with PD. What the seminar really did for me is to bring the two books/philosophies together, and to put perspective on some of the parts of "Unconditional Parenting" that i really struggled with. For example, the praise thing. The PD guide said to think of encouragement as the protein, carbs, and nutrients, and praise as like the sugar. You don't have to completely withhold all praise, but use it sparingly so they don't become addicted.
Praise vs. Encouragement: Praise:
i liked the seminar a lot, because it helped really bridge the gap between the principles of Positive Discipline and the very thorough research in the book "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn. UP writes like a very long research paper, full of footnotes to support his hypotheses, but is really thought-provoking if nothing else. But it's more than that; it really lays the groundwork for PD.
Here's the basic idea: Traditional parenting styles consisting of punishments and rewards (which Kohn dubs as "love withdrawal" and "conditional parenting") -- even gentler punishments like time outs vs. spanking, and all types of rewards from sticker charts to everyday praise -- are "doing to" techniques. Unconditional Parenting (and Positive Discipline fits in here nicely) is "working with" techniques. To put it another way, if you punish kids for misbehavior or reward them for "good" behavior, they learn to behave how you want them to out of fear, or out of a desire to please the parent/teacher/etc. Positive Discipline techniques teach the kids about the effects of their actions on other people, and thus kids learn to "behave" from a moral pull to treat people well rather than fear of or desire to please the parents. i've always thought i'd rather my child say "thank you" 9 out of 10 times on their own than to say it 10 out of 10 times when i'm present only because i was right there ready to remind them if they forget ("What do you say?").
i think this philosophy dovetails beautifully with PD. What the seminar really did for me is to bring the two books/philosophies together, and to put perspective on some of the parts of "Unconditional Parenting" that i really struggled with. For example, the praise thing. The PD guide said to think of encouragement as the protein, carbs, and nutrients, and praise as like the sugar. You don't have to completely withhold all praise, but use it sparingly so they don't become addicted.
Praise vs. Encouragement: Praise:
- Good job!
- Pretty drawing!
- Good girl!
- You're so smart!
- I'm proud of you!
Encouragement:
- You did it by yourself! (best to specify what the child accomplished more specifically)
- How did you decide to use blue for the hair?
- When you set the table, it makes it easier for me to get dinner ready.
- See how far you've come? Keep trying! I know you can do it!
- You should be proud of yourself!
The big difference is that praise usually includes a value judgment of what the parent expects the child to do. Kohn suggests that if the child is used to a steady diet of praise, they may become discouraged if they don't live up to the parent's praise standards. Also, studies have shown that children who are praised for something lose interest in that activity (i.e. kids who are frequently told that they are good at art tend to lose interest in art faster than those whose parents show interest without judgment), which is one of the bases of Montessori education.
And thus, it all comes full circle for me :).
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Exploring Our Little World
Today was a fun (and exhausting!) day!!!! We went out for lunch, then we went to Home Depot and bought flowers, herbs, and vegetables to plant, ran by Target to buy Char some little water shoes, got her down for a nap and Alan weedeated quite a bit in back, and then we got her dressed in her new shoes and headed for the back 40. Our little yard has a "creek" running through it. There are a couple of fish and tadpoles but basically it's just rainwater runoff, and actually runs dry much of the year. The property line has an underground spring that pours into it, so the neighbors have water year round. Luckily it's been wet this year so we have lots of water :).
i can't say Char was quite as curious about the creek as i had envisioned, but she still had fun walking through the very cold water, checking out the rocks, climbing over tree roots, etc. It was lovely!
Then we headed out front and planted flowers in pots on the porch, trimmed shrubs so the flowers will get some light, and hoed a little veggie garden in front to the side. Hopefully we can actually grow veggies (i think i've tried for the last 4 years but no luck actually getting much more than a couple of pathetic tomatoes and a 1" long carrot). Not many, just some okra, a watermelon plant, a tomato plant, and some leeks. We also got some herbs for the side garden but haven't planted them yet. We were all so filthy! So exhausted! But we had so much fun!
Actually the first time she climbed this tree this way, she actually said, "I careful!" i just shake my head. A lot.
(i didn't actually fall all the way down; i caught myself on some rocks, but it was still embarrassing).
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The Great Daycare Debate
The ever-dreaded process of finding daycare/preschool for Char has begun again. Luckily her nanny is still here and i think pretty happy (and we're pretty happy, too), but the whole "nanny plan" was to pull her out of school for about 6 months and then transition her back in. At this point, she hasn't been biting at home (or playdates, or the occasional Parent's Night Out or other group child powow) or even hitting much, and is showing lots of empathy. She SEEMS ready, but the only way to know is to try. Here's my wishlist:
- Part-time this summer (either mornings or a couple of days a week)
- Full-time next fall
- Keep the nanny happy through the summer in case it doesn't work out (i'd surely hate to let the nanny go on to another job and then have Char get kicked out of another school)
- A school curriculum that fits Char and fits my preferences (i.e. Montessori or Reggio-Emilia are preferred over fancy private pre-schools at this point)
- Get something in place for at least a couple of mornings a week soon just to give some relief to poor DH!
Here's the problem: I don't think we can actually find all of the above! Well, maybe we can get Char in a school mornings a couple of days a week and have the nanny in the afternoons, but is that affordable? Aaaah!
i toured a nice school the other day. Actually, it's where Char's biological brother goes to school (i got to see him through the little window on his classroom, squee!). It's pretty close to where i work but it is very expensive and VERY hoity-toity. The curriculum is very structured, and i would so much rather have a child-led curriculum or program. So, i just don't know if it's for us.
i called a Reggio-Emilia school yesterday and spoke to a teacher, and OH BOY do i love the sound of that school! Sometimes you can just *tell* things by talking to someone. The problem is that it's a program for 30 months to 5 years of age, which means Char wouldn't be eligible until December 1 (IF they have mid-year openings, which i don't know if they do or not very often since i bet most kids stay in the program until Kindergarten). It's also a 9-3:30pm program, so there would still be the issue of after school care. i'm not sure this one will work out in the end, but i'm touring it on Tuesday anyway. i'm a glutton for punishment that way.
i have a tour set up with a Montessori school next Thursday, which goes way up through middle school. It's a very nice-looking school, but it's a wee bit out of the way. i'm really hopeful this one pans out.
i've called 2 inclusive preschools (meaning they take "typical" kids as well as those with special needs like Down's Syndrome, Williams Syndrome, Autism, etc), but i haven't received any calls back.
i'm also looking for a Vacation Bible School for a couple of weeks in the summer possibly (maybe more than 1 program?), but of course most are age 3+. And since we should have a little more spendable income this summer (hopefully i'll get a raise, and also my car will be paid off, both in June), another option is to get her into a 2-day mornings-only program (Mother's Day Out maybe?) this summer and then start full-time at a different school in fall (or in winter if the Reggio school is the winner).
2 wrinkles: 1) i'd like to keep open the possibility of getting Char into the public Montessori school at age 3 (pay for ages 3-4 and then public school for age 5+), and 2) there's always a possibility of another baby entering the picture at some point, and the idea of getting Char into a school far from home and finding traditional daycare for new baby near home and dropping off and picking up both at once is a little more daunting than if they were both pretty close together, but that's just a back-of-the-mind thing really.
::pants heavily:: Yup, it's pretty tiring just to type it out, much less live it!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
A Sunny Saturday
Ahh, Spring!!! i love April just a tiny bit more than i love March, and the weather yesterday was splendiferous. We woke at 8 to get ready for our first official swim lesson. Actually, Char had less fun than she usually does swimming, probably because she had less freedom. There were a TON of babies in the pool, most of them actually younger (i'm told this is unusual), and there were specific "lessons" to do right near your little area, like reaching for a toy, putting your chin in the water, etc. Oh, well, i learned a thing or two. Unfortunately next week i will not make it because i'll be at a parenting seminar in the morning. Can't wait for that! In the late morning, we decided to go to SATCO for lunch (love warm outdoor lunches!) and then feed the ducks at Centennial Park. Weeeellll, we were half right. Char fell asleep in the car so we went home and let her nap in the car. Twenty minutes later, she was awake (ugh) so we ended up driving back to the city to see the ducks. The ducks and (mostly) geese, by the way, are spoiled rotten. Some kids were throwing Sun Chips, but the fowl turned their beaks up at our whole wheat healthy bread. Alas, it was still amusing and we got some cute pictures of Char in her bonnet. Yes, bonnet! i KNOW! i'm about 75% sold on it, but what i love about it is she actually keeps it on, and this is the first hat she's ever kept on. It makes picture taking "interesting", but she's still totally adorable! 
This cute little guy came up and just started pushing Char's swing. Appropriately, not too hard, not too soft, just right. He had such a cool guy attitude, too. Such a fun little character! 
This cute little guy came up and just started pushing Char's swing. Appropriately, not too hard, not too soft, just right. He had such a cool guy attitude, too. Such a fun little character! 
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