First off, let me shout out to my one sister, and to my MIL and her husband. They have been very supportive of us and of D. i really appreciate that, especially considering.
So, let's see. My dad told me very early after D came that i was going to kill her, and has said as much 3 more times. Now my brother has told me that she's going to go to "juvie" in 12 or 13 years because of my parenting.
(The long story is that i was saying how i am a little disappointed that we won't be finalizing until May or June most likely -- definitely not before then -- because i want to be the mom, i want to be able to make decisions, etc. Brother said, "Yeah, you need to be able to spank her soon!" Now, i'm not a spanker by nature. i have grandiose ideas about "gentle discipline" and not even using time outs if we can be effective that way. Obviously not let her do whatever she wants and get away with everything, but a different kind of effective discipline. But i don't judge those who do spank, because i don't think spanking as an institution equals abuse. Sure, there are some who take it there, but there are some who make tickling abuse. i digress...
So because i'm a non-confrontational type person and i don't want to get into a whole big discipline debate, i just say (which is true) that we'll have to sign a piece of paper saying that we won't spank her before they'll let us adopt. Now, i'm not really sure how legally binding that document will actually be because the adoption will be finalized and we'll be the legal parents, and things like visitation agreements signed before adoption aren't enforceable, but it doesn't matter because we don't plan to spank. So i telll him this, and he says it's a bunch of crap and i can just ignore it, etc. i say, "No, it's fine because we don't have plans to spank anyway." "Oh, well be prepared for her to end up in juvie in 12 or 13 years." Crickets. Seriously, how do you respond to that? That's MY KID he's talking about being a criminal here. That's MY PARENTING he's dogging to my face before i even get a chance to use it! Grrrr... mama tiger's claws come out, so silence is my best way to keep from attacking.
A few seconds pass, and he says, "You gotta admit that was a good one, huh huh huh." i say (stone cold), "No, brother, it wasn't. i have never been anything but supportive about your parenting, i never said anything about people who spank, and i don't appreciate you saying that about my daughter or my parenting." So then he goes on to say, "Well, i haven't spanked the older boys in a while, and i don't think i've ever given the young one (age 6) a spanking." i couldn't resist: "Well, they've each got one foot in the prison yard then, don't they?")
So, yeah, i think that telling me i'm going to kill her or at least put her in prison equals a lack of support. i mean, my in-laws have made some small comments like we shouldn't use a fan in the baby's room (which we do because it reduces risk of SIDS) or we shouldn't swaddle because it looks cruel. Normal in-law annoying comments. But dead or in prison? Ugh!
My other sister (the one not mentioned in the top paragraph) has shown ZERO interest in D whatsoever. She's never called, never asked for pictures, never asked how the baby is, nothing. No Christmas present (or even card or even a call to thank me for the gifts i sent her kids). Nothing. My brother didn't send a gift either (he just claimed he didn't have my address and would send it later, but over a month later and clearly that's not happening), but at least he thanked me for it. My brother-in-law is not a baby person, i have to say, so it's not surprising, but at least his wife wants pictures and things.
Okay, vent over. i wonder how many of these people will actually come celebrate her adoption and birthday party...
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Biopsy Results
The polyp was an adenoma, which is benign and common, but in 10-15 years they have a tendency to turn malignant so i have to have colonoscopies every 5 years now. Bah that.
Now my surgery can be scheduled. The GI doc said he spoke with the GYN who said they would schedule my surgery for a Monday so the GI doc can be available. Even though there's no endo in the bowels, it still could be protruding pretty deeply into the wall of the colon and possibly (not likely) require a section of the colon to be removed. i really hope this can be scheduled sooooon! i hurt so much on a daily basis now.
Now my surgery can be scheduled. The GI doc said he spoke with the GYN who said they would schedule my surgery for a Monday so the GI doc can be available. Even though there's no endo in the bowels, it still could be protruding pretty deeply into the wall of the colon and possibly (not likely) require a section of the colon to be removed. i really hope this can be scheduled sooooon! i hurt so much on a daily basis now.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Colonoscopy
i was supposed to have a flexible sigmoidoscopy today, which is like a colonoscopy but only 1/3 of the way up the tuckas. Supposedly the bowel prep isn't as bad with the flex sig, but i can tell you it was horrible. It involved a liquid diet all day yesterday, then drinking 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate (which tasted like chewing an Airborne - ick!), and then 2 enemas this morning. Fun times i hope to never repeat.
At any rate, the doctor was a full hour late, so here i am doing my oh-so-favorite thing, making small talk with a nurse, a tech, and a resident. Effing teaching hospitals. i was sedated, drifted off to sleep, and was awakened with the worst imaginable pain in my lower left side as someone was pushing and pulling all over my abdomen and the endo is SO PAINFUL right now anyway, so it was awful. i remember trying so hard not to scream, biting my hand (i still had a mark hours later), groaning, and saying, "That really really hurts!" They were apparently trying to turn a corner. Then i watched the rest of it, drifting in and out.
Apparently they found one polyp and decided to extend to a full colonoscopy. They only found the one polyp and no endo, so that's good. Hopefully the polyp will be benign and not pre-cancerous and i won't have to have another for another 10-15 years. i hope.
The point of sedation was that i shouldn't have been awake during any of it, and if i did wake up, i shouldn't have remembered it. The same thing happened when i had sedation dentistry; i woke up in pain and was told i wouldn't remember it. i still remember it over a year later. i must be defective.
Anyway, results from the polyp biopsy will be ready in a few days. i'm thrilled not to have to have a bowel resection when i have the next surgery, though. So, all things considered, i'll begrudgingly call it a success.
At any rate, the doctor was a full hour late, so here i am doing my oh-so-favorite thing, making small talk with a nurse, a tech, and a resident. Effing teaching hospitals. i was sedated, drifted off to sleep, and was awakened with the worst imaginable pain in my lower left side as someone was pushing and pulling all over my abdomen and the endo is SO PAINFUL right now anyway, so it was awful. i remember trying so hard not to scream, biting my hand (i still had a mark hours later), groaning, and saying, "That really really hurts!" They were apparently trying to turn a corner. Then i watched the rest of it, drifting in and out.
Apparently they found one polyp and decided to extend to a full colonoscopy. They only found the one polyp and no endo, so that's good. Hopefully the polyp will be benign and not pre-cancerous and i won't have to have another for another 10-15 years. i hope.
The point of sedation was that i shouldn't have been awake during any of it, and if i did wake up, i shouldn't have remembered it. The same thing happened when i had sedation dentistry; i woke up in pain and was told i wouldn't remember it. i still remember it over a year later. i must be defective.
Anyway, results from the polyp biopsy will be ready in a few days. i'm thrilled not to have to have a bowel resection when i have the next surgery, though. So, all things considered, i'll begrudgingly call it a success.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Holy cow, another AW post tonight!
So the bedtime routine used to be to take her upstairs, run the bath, potty her while reading a bedtime story, then put her in the tub. Normally she doesn't go in the potty, though, so i decided to do "traditional" story time with her in my lap in the rocker.
But for the last 2 nights, she peed on the diaper pad as soon as i took her diaper off. So i decided to go back to the old routine again, and did tonight. She didn't pee during story time, so i signed for Potty and said, "Okay, sweetie, can you try to go potty?"
She got this concentrated look in her eye and looked like she was straining, and POOPED! Normally she only ever poops once a day, and she'd already pooped today. i feel like she really did it in response to me saying/signing potty. She may have been trying to pee (but didn't).
But for the last 2 nights, she peed on the diaper pad as soon as i took her diaper off. So i decided to go back to the old routine again, and did tonight. She didn't pee during story time, so i signed for Potty and said, "Okay, sweetie, can you try to go potty?"
She got this concentrated look in her eye and looked like she was straining, and POOPED! Normally she only ever poops once a day, and she'd already pooped today. i feel like she really did it in response to me saying/signing potty. She may have been trying to pee (but didn't).
You'd think she won an Olympic medal
That's how proud i am right now!
i was fooling around on the laptop while D played nearby. She was standing holding the sofa, and then i realized she wasn't holding the sofa anymore but was holding onto nothing but the computer cable.
So... i tenderly unplugged the cable (watching to make sure she didn't eat it or anything), and she held onto it with both hands for about 2 minutes. When she tried to put it to her mouth, she fell. But she had no idea that she wasn't holding onto anything for support.
i KNEW she could do it! She's just chicken!
i was fooling around on the laptop while D played nearby. She was standing holding the sofa, and then i realized she wasn't holding the sofa anymore but was holding onto nothing but the computer cable.
So... i tenderly unplugged the cable (watching to make sure she didn't eat it or anything), and she held onto it with both hands for about 2 minutes. When she tried to put it to her mouth, she fell. But she had no idea that she wasn't holding onto anything for support.
i KNEW she could do it! She's just chicken!
The secret to a happy baby
Full fat Greek yogurt from Trader Joe's plus homemade organic blueberry puree equals about 30 seconds of baby bliss. 30 seconds because she WOLFED it down.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Apologies
i've been a very bad blogger person. i have so much to update and no idea how to get started, and therefore i've sort of been putting it off, but the longer i put it off, the more there is to say. Argh!
First and most importantly, we have a court date. Actually, we have 2 court dates. They are March 9, 2010 and March 29, 2010. If i understand this correctly, the first date will be the TPR trial for both birthparents. Right now the birthparents' whereabouts are unknown, so the state has to publish in the local newspaper(s) for 4 consecutive weeks before the court date. Apparently this is happening now. If the birthparents don't attend the trial, or if they do and don't have a really good explanation as to why they haven't contacted DCS about the baby and a really good reason why the state should give them yet another second chance, the judge should find in favor of Termination of Parental Rights. There is then an appeal period before the judgment actually becomes official. i thought it was a 30 day appeal period, but perhaps it is 20. If not, no one seems to know why the second court date is March 29...
Anyway, that's the big news. Once the TPR is official in the court record, we can file a petition to adopt, get a court date, and then officially adopt our baby girl! Theoretically this could happen in April, but i am a bit more realistically guessing May or even June. We have an appointment set up with an attorney for this Saturday morning at 10 am. This attorney was the one who handled the adoption of D's birth brother by his parents, and they highly recommend him. Alan did some "research", found a personal website, and discovered that he likes the White Stripes and Foo Fighters, so something tells me this will be our attorney. Tee hee. It really is pretty exciting to be this far along (though it still feels like it should have happened 3-4 months ago).
As far as D goes, she's finally over the reflux relapse she dealt with during the antibiotics. Hooray! And she's making up for lost time as far as food goes. Holy moly, she can really pack it in when she feels like it. Which seems to be the middle of the night. The other night she woke at 2 and ate 5.5 oz, then woke at 3 and ate another 5.5 oz!
As for me, my endo has been a real mess this month. It started up again already yesterday after maybe 2 days of not hurting like mad. My flexible sigmoidoscopy procedure (similar to a colonoscopy but only the last 1/3 of the colon) is scheduled for one week from today. Ick! Ick! But it's the first step toward the next surgery, so that's good i guess. They're looking for whether the endo is inside the bowel, which is very rare, or if it's more likely that it's just all over the outside of the bowel and irritating it. And since my mom died of colon cancer, they'll also look for polyps and whatnot, so let's keep our fingers crossed for the all-clear there.
And in totally frivolous news, Alan has been on the lookout lately for a band or artist that i would really enjoy. It's been a long time since i found any new music that i LOVE, and i've been in a major music rut for probably 2-3, maybe more, years. Well, i'm pleased to say he really succeeded this weekend. His name is Frank Turner, and he's witty, and Britty, and nice! Actually he's a heartless bastard mother-f*cker. But close enough.
First and most importantly, we have a court date. Actually, we have 2 court dates. They are March 9, 2010 and March 29, 2010. If i understand this correctly, the first date will be the TPR trial for both birthparents. Right now the birthparents' whereabouts are unknown, so the state has to publish in the local newspaper(s) for 4 consecutive weeks before the court date. Apparently this is happening now. If the birthparents don't attend the trial, or if they do and don't have a really good explanation as to why they haven't contacted DCS about the baby and a really good reason why the state should give them yet another second chance, the judge should find in favor of Termination of Parental Rights. There is then an appeal period before the judgment actually becomes official. i thought it was a 30 day appeal period, but perhaps it is 20. If not, no one seems to know why the second court date is March 29...
Anyway, that's the big news. Once the TPR is official in the court record, we can file a petition to adopt, get a court date, and then officially adopt our baby girl! Theoretically this could happen in April, but i am a bit more realistically guessing May or even June. We have an appointment set up with an attorney for this Saturday morning at 10 am. This attorney was the one who handled the adoption of D's birth brother by his parents, and they highly recommend him. Alan did some "research", found a personal website, and discovered that he likes the White Stripes and Foo Fighters, so something tells me this will be our attorney. Tee hee. It really is pretty exciting to be this far along (though it still feels like it should have happened 3-4 months ago).
As far as D goes, she's finally over the reflux relapse she dealt with during the antibiotics. Hooray! And she's making up for lost time as far as food goes. Holy moly, she can really pack it in when she feels like it. Which seems to be the middle of the night. The other night she woke at 2 and ate 5.5 oz, then woke at 3 and ate another 5.5 oz!
As for me, my endo has been a real mess this month. It started up again already yesterday after maybe 2 days of not hurting like mad. My flexible sigmoidoscopy procedure (similar to a colonoscopy but only the last 1/3 of the colon) is scheduled for one week from today. Ick! Ick! But it's the first step toward the next surgery, so that's good i guess. They're looking for whether the endo is inside the bowel, which is very rare, or if it's more likely that it's just all over the outside of the bowel and irritating it. And since my mom died of colon cancer, they'll also look for polyps and whatnot, so let's keep our fingers crossed for the all-clear there.
And in totally frivolous news, Alan has been on the lookout lately for a band or artist that i would really enjoy. It's been a long time since i found any new music that i LOVE, and i've been in a major music rut for probably 2-3, maybe more, years. Well, i'm pleased to say he really succeeded this weekend. His name is Frank Turner, and he's witty, and Britty, and nice! Actually he's a heartless bastard mother-f*cker. But close enough.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Another first!
Sometimes i sing to D, especially when she's fussy and i can't get right to her. i usually sing loud, boisterous songs as she likes them best when she's fussy; i think they distract her. One of them i sing is the Italian song that goes "La la la la la la la". No idea why; it was probably in my head one day.
Anyway, i sung it for her tonight and i swear she said "La la la" in a sing song voice! She did it one more time about 30 minutes later (i spent the whole time trying to get her to repeat it lol). i can't believe how fast she's growing and how many new things she does seemingly every day.
She even spent about 20 minutes crawling around on the floor by herself, all over the living room, which she's never really done before. She'd crawl toward a toy or toward me or Alan, but not just go "exploring" like she did today. Usually she's too fussy to go for that long without someone interacting with her. That was a nice break (and what prompted the "la la la" song.
Anyway, i sung it for her tonight and i swear she said "La la la" in a sing song voice! She did it one more time about 30 minutes later (i spent the whole time trying to get her to repeat it lol). i can't believe how fast she's growing and how many new things she does seemingly every day.
She even spent about 20 minutes crawling around on the floor by herself, all over the living room, which she's never really done before. She'd crawl toward a toy or toward me or Alan, but not just go "exploring" like she did today. Usually she's too fussy to go for that long without someone interacting with her. That was a nice break (and what prompted the "la la la" song.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Bad day, sweet kid
So tonight i got home late because i went to the health clinic to get a Rx for antibiotics for this sinus/ear infection after a very nasty first day back at work (major computer issues... sigh). And i had to drop the Rx off and wait in line in the drive-through, which makes D very unhappy, so by the time we got home, she was fussy. And the dogs had gotten into the toiletries bag (for baby) and there were lotions and potions all over the living room floor.
Needless to say, this was not a great day. And D did NOT want to be put down. She fussed no matter where i put her, no matter if she could see me or not, or if i sang or talked to her or not. And she wouldn't let me wear her, which sucks because on a night like tonight, i need it more than ever.
So there i was feeling "touched out" (not wanting to constantly hold D), couldn't put her down, etc. Finally i got her settled on the floor next to the couch while i just sat on the couch, and she didn't fuss too much, so i just wanted to regroup for like 5 minutes before tackling the carpet cleanup and trying to feed a VERY refluxy D, etc. And she continued to thwart my best efforts not to be touched.
First she touched my left foot, so i moved it. Then she touched my right foot, so i put my feet on the coffee table. Then she started sitting tall and rubbing her head and hands on my calves, which i thought was pretty cute but still wasn't quite ready to touch her much, so i turned sideways with my whole body on the couch.
What does she do? She somehow managed to pull herself up on the sofa for the first time ever and rub my legs. LOL! That's a VERY determined baby!
Another thing she did tonight was let go of the coffee table (with both hands) for about 3 seconds. Wow!
Needless to say, this was not a great day. And D did NOT want to be put down. She fussed no matter where i put her, no matter if she could see me or not, or if i sang or talked to her or not. And she wouldn't let me wear her, which sucks because on a night like tonight, i need it more than ever.
So there i was feeling "touched out" (not wanting to constantly hold D), couldn't put her down, etc. Finally i got her settled on the floor next to the couch while i just sat on the couch, and she didn't fuss too much, so i just wanted to regroup for like 5 minutes before tackling the carpet cleanup and trying to feed a VERY refluxy D, etc. And she continued to thwart my best efforts not to be touched.
First she touched my left foot, so i moved it. Then she touched my right foot, so i put my feet on the coffee table. Then she started sitting tall and rubbing her head and hands on my calves, which i thought was pretty cute but still wasn't quite ready to touch her much, so i turned sideways with my whole body on the couch.
What does she do? She somehow managed to pull herself up on the sofa for the first time ever and rub my legs. LOL! That's a VERY determined baby!
Another thing she did tonight was let go of the coffee table (with both hands) for about 3 seconds. Wow!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
This is the last day of my time off
i've had 12/24 until today off, and it's been AWESOME! Actually, Alan has been off, too, so double yay. And yet somehow we managed to accomplish very little in the way of housework. i think we've just enjoyed family time too much, and taking turns so we can get more sleep and have some "me" time, etc. Plus of course being out of town for Christmas.
D has benefitted also. She went from belly crawling forward and belly-up (real) crawling backwards to real crawling forward. Yup, i have a real crawler as of Christmas morning. And she's pretty much been non-stop since then, which is good and bad. i'm hoping she'll be able to be a little more independent as a result (but she still fusses wanting you to go get her or give her a new toy rather than crawling to get you or the toy herself so far).
Unfortunately, our old enemy Reflux has returned. It started being bad again about last Wednesday, the day after we took her to the pedi for that sinus/ear infection. At that appointment, the pedi noticed her weight had gone up enough to increase her Zantac dosage, which usually takes about a week to really start working, and prescribed Amoxycillin. As of the next day, reflux started to return, and i don't know if it's because it would have anyway (from outgrowing the old dose of Zantac) and we just happened to go to the doc before the symptoms really started, or if the Amoxycillin is hurting her tummy as it tends to do and this is manifesting as reflux for her. IDK, but her breathing/laryngomalacia is bad again. We're trying to up her solids again and thicken her formula with cereal again in hopes it helps.
As far as solids, we tried beans yesterday at the Mexican place. Definitely a baby-led weaning (BLW) moment as she kept reaching for it. There were whole (soft) beans in the mush, so i must have given her 10 of them and she ate all of them. She's getting so good about chewing and swallowing, even though she still has no teeth lol.
Oh, and this week i've been able to do lots of toilet learning. i don't think i personally missed but one poop (and that's after 3 tries before and i didn't want to constipate her). She had a couple with Alan, but the rest were all in the toilet. Yay! One of these days she'll start signing for it, but it certainly isn't happening yet. She doesn't mind the potty at all, by the way, and has gotten where she can poop on the potty just as well as she can when she's playing in the jumperoo (ICK!) or while standing at the play table or furniture. Boy, if this can just continue for the next year, i will be beyond thrilled!
Oh, and we've retired the SnuggleNest Supreme :(. This is actually meant for cosleepers to keep the baby in bed, but we've used it in her crib for months (and a cheaper model prior to that), since she was dx with reflux and we've needed something to help with the crib angle and her sliding down. But alas, i found her flipped over the side the other day, and figured it would be safer to take it out and let her sleep on the crib itself, angle or no. She's doing very well with it, but has turned into a full-time tummy sleeper. Thankfully she's past the prime period for SIDS, but i can't say it doesn't make me nervous!
In 2 days is the motions hearing. 2 days! i don't know yet if i'll be able to go. She has this court date (which we're not required to be there but we're allowed to) and an ENT appointment where they'll test her hearing (reflux can cause hearing loss, hopefully not though), and i'd like to attend both. However, i only have 1 day off i think, which means i would have to take a half day off for each and would have zero cushion. Should the court date be in January (not likely), i wouldn't have any time for it, and i'd REALLY like to be present then. i also have a doctor's appointment in Chattanooga on the 19th that i haven't decided if i'll keep or not, and will have to have the colonoscopy at some point probably in January. i don't technically have to take vacation time for the 19th but probably would because that's the kind of person i am. But i'll probably need a whole day off for the colonoscopy which doesn't count as a doctor's appointment and i'll need the whole day off. i'll get a little comp time for some work done over the break, but there were massive computer issues and i didn't work as much as i'd hoped to be able to, so... bottom line i'll probably only be able to go to either court or the ENT. Sigh. i hate being vacation poor. (This time off isn't vacation for me; the whole company is closed).
D has benefitted also. She went from belly crawling forward and belly-up (real) crawling backwards to real crawling forward. Yup, i have a real crawler as of Christmas morning. And she's pretty much been non-stop since then, which is good and bad. i'm hoping she'll be able to be a little more independent as a result (but she still fusses wanting you to go get her or give her a new toy rather than crawling to get you or the toy herself so far).
Unfortunately, our old enemy Reflux has returned. It started being bad again about last Wednesday, the day after we took her to the pedi for that sinus/ear infection. At that appointment, the pedi noticed her weight had gone up enough to increase her Zantac dosage, which usually takes about a week to really start working, and prescribed Amoxycillin. As of the next day, reflux started to return, and i don't know if it's because it would have anyway (from outgrowing the old dose of Zantac) and we just happened to go to the doc before the symptoms really started, or if the Amoxycillin is hurting her tummy as it tends to do and this is manifesting as reflux for her. IDK, but her breathing/laryngomalacia is bad again. We're trying to up her solids again and thicken her formula with cereal again in hopes it helps.
As far as solids, we tried beans yesterday at the Mexican place. Definitely a baby-led weaning (BLW) moment as she kept reaching for it. There were whole (soft) beans in the mush, so i must have given her 10 of them and she ate all of them. She's getting so good about chewing and swallowing, even though she still has no teeth lol.
Oh, and this week i've been able to do lots of toilet learning. i don't think i personally missed but one poop (and that's after 3 tries before and i didn't want to constipate her). She had a couple with Alan, but the rest were all in the toilet. Yay! One of these days she'll start signing for it, but it certainly isn't happening yet. She doesn't mind the potty at all, by the way, and has gotten where she can poop on the potty just as well as she can when she's playing in the jumperoo (ICK!) or while standing at the play table or furniture. Boy, if this can just continue for the next year, i will be beyond thrilled!
Oh, and we've retired the SnuggleNest Supreme :(. This is actually meant for cosleepers to keep the baby in bed, but we've used it in her crib for months (and a cheaper model prior to that), since she was dx with reflux and we've needed something to help with the crib angle and her sliding down. But alas, i found her flipped over the side the other day, and figured it would be safer to take it out and let her sleep on the crib itself, angle or no. She's doing very well with it, but has turned into a full-time tummy sleeper. Thankfully she's past the prime period for SIDS, but i can't say it doesn't make me nervous!
In 2 days is the motions hearing. 2 days! i don't know yet if i'll be able to go. She has this court date (which we're not required to be there but we're allowed to) and an ENT appointment where they'll test her hearing (reflux can cause hearing loss, hopefully not though), and i'd like to attend both. However, i only have 1 day off i think, which means i would have to take a half day off for each and would have zero cushion. Should the court date be in January (not likely), i wouldn't have any time for it, and i'd REALLY like to be present then. i also have a doctor's appointment in Chattanooga on the 19th that i haven't decided if i'll keep or not, and will have to have the colonoscopy at some point probably in January. i don't technically have to take vacation time for the 19th but probably would because that's the kind of person i am. But i'll probably need a whole day off for the colonoscopy which doesn't count as a doctor's appointment and i'll need the whole day off. i'll get a little comp time for some work done over the break, but there were massive computer issues and i didn't work as much as i'd hoped to be able to, so... bottom line i'll probably only be able to go to either court or the ENT. Sigh. i hate being vacation poor. (This time off isn't vacation for me; the whole company is closed).
Friday, January 1, 2010
Something that's been on my mind lately
i wouldn' tcall it an all-out obsession by any means, but i've been thinking a lot about another baby, specifically a younger biological sibling to D. She's 7 months old now, so it's entirely possible that her birthmom is pregnant again. Or, it's entirely possible that she's not and will never be, or won't be for a long time. Who knows? D's older brother T is about 17 months older than D. Back down 9 months (if she wasn't very early) and you have pregnancy with D when T was about 8 months old.
D's birthmom will never be allowed to parent again. That's almost 100% guaranteed because she's sustained so much brain damage from the drug overdose that got older brother S removed at age 3 several years ago. Her birthfather conceivably could parent with a HUGE life change, but as long as he's with birthmom, that won't happen, and thusfar he hasn't really fought for custody, just stood by his girlfriend's side.
If another baby with the same birthdad were born in my county, even after the adoption, we should get called right away or within days at least. If a baby were born in another county in the state, if we haven't completed the adoption of D, we should get the call quickly. But post-adoption and it could take weeks or even months. If they left the state, it could take a while to get the call. Would we take the baby from another family? i don't know. We're SO grateful that T's parents didn't take D from us, and we'd lean toward paying it forward, but that's such a HUGE leap of faith! i don't know, i just don't know.
i don't know if i'm thinking about this so much right now because of D's age and it being somewhat normal to start thinking about future kids now (i've always wanted my kids to be close together in age), or because i'm nearing my next surgery and again dealing with some of the IF issues that go with it and the general lack of control of when we'll be parents again, or because it's come up twice in the last few weeks on an adoption forum i go to where people who've adopted have gotten the call very quickly about another sibling (one is foster/adopt and one is private agency adoption -- both have said "no", by the way), or what it is exactly.
Alan and i are in agreement, conceptually, that we will say "yes" if the baby is a newborn and we're called right away. It won't be easy, but we'll make it happen somehow. But will it happen? When will it happen? Am i crazy for thinking about this? i don't know... and i hate not knowing.
D's birthmom will never be allowed to parent again. That's almost 100% guaranteed because she's sustained so much brain damage from the drug overdose that got older brother S removed at age 3 several years ago. Her birthfather conceivably could parent with a HUGE life change, but as long as he's with birthmom, that won't happen, and thusfar he hasn't really fought for custody, just stood by his girlfriend's side.
If another baby with the same birthdad were born in my county, even after the adoption, we should get called right away or within days at least. If a baby were born in another county in the state, if we haven't completed the adoption of D, we should get the call quickly. But post-adoption and it could take weeks or even months. If they left the state, it could take a while to get the call. Would we take the baby from another family? i don't know. We're SO grateful that T's parents didn't take D from us, and we'd lean toward paying it forward, but that's such a HUGE leap of faith! i don't know, i just don't know.
i don't know if i'm thinking about this so much right now because of D's age and it being somewhat normal to start thinking about future kids now (i've always wanted my kids to be close together in age), or because i'm nearing my next surgery and again dealing with some of the IF issues that go with it and the general lack of control of when we'll be parents again, or because it's come up twice in the last few weeks on an adoption forum i go to where people who've adopted have gotten the call very quickly about another sibling (one is foster/adopt and one is private agency adoption -- both have said "no", by the way), or what it is exactly.
Alan and i are in agreement, conceptually, that we will say "yes" if the baby is a newborn and we're called right away. It won't be easy, but we'll make it happen somehow. But will it happen? When will it happen? Am i crazy for thinking about this? i don't know... and i hate not knowing.
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