i wouldn' tcall it an all-out obsession by any means, but i've been thinking a lot about another baby, specifically a younger biological sibling to D. She's 7 months old now, so it's entirely possible that her birthmom is pregnant again. Or, it's entirely possible that she's not and will never be, or won't be for a long time. Who knows? D's older brother T is about 17 months older than D. Back down 9 months (if she wasn't very early) and you have pregnancy with D when T was about 8 months old.
D's birthmom will never be allowed to parent again. That's almost 100% guaranteed because she's sustained so much brain damage from the drug overdose that got older brother S removed at age 3 several years ago. Her birthfather conceivably could parent with a HUGE life change, but as long as he's with birthmom, that won't happen, and thusfar he hasn't really fought for custody, just stood by his girlfriend's side.
If another baby with the same birthdad were born in my county, even after the adoption, we should get called right away or within days at least. If a baby were born in another county in the state, if we haven't completed the adoption of D, we should get the call quickly. But post-adoption and it could take weeks or even months. If they left the state, it could take a while to get the call. Would we take the baby from another family? i don't know. We're SO grateful that T's parents didn't take D from us, and we'd lean toward paying it forward, but that's such a HUGE leap of faith! i don't know, i just don't know.
i don't know if i'm thinking about this so much right now because of D's age and it being somewhat normal to start thinking about future kids now (i've always wanted my kids to be close together in age), or because i'm nearing my next surgery and again dealing with some of the IF issues that go with it and the general lack of control of when we'll be parents again, or because it's come up twice in the last few weeks on an adoption forum i go to where people who've adopted have gotten the call very quickly about another sibling (one is foster/adopt and one is private agency adoption -- both have said "no", by the way), or what it is exactly.
Alan and i are in agreement, conceptually, that we will say "yes" if the baby is a newborn and we're called right away. It won't be easy, but we'll make it happen somehow. But will it happen? When will it happen? Am i crazy for thinking about this? i don't know... and i hate not knowing.
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It is totally normal for you to be thinking about this! It would surprise me if you weren't. I think it must be tough to know that someone else is in control of whether or not your child has another biological sibling, and that other people are in control over whether or not you get notified right away. Usually (but not always) you get to choose when to have another child, and it's not as though you don't have that choice, but it is more complicated for you because of the birth mom issues. *hugs* Everything worked out the way it did with baby D for a reason, and it will work out the way it is supposed to for the sibling situation, too. I hope that doesn't sound like a pat answer! *hugs* (ps, this is calinsbride)
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