This is the last day of my time off

i've had 12/24 until today off, and it's been AWESOME! Actually, Alan has been off, too, so double yay. And yet somehow we managed to accomplish very little in the way of housework. i think we've just enjoyed family time too much, and taking turns so we can get more sleep and have some "me" time, etc. Plus of course being out of town for Christmas.

D has benefitted also. She went from belly crawling forward and belly-up (real) crawling backwards to real crawling forward. Yup, i have a real crawler as of Christmas morning. And she's pretty much been non-stop since then, which is good and bad. i'm hoping she'll be able to be a little more independent as a result (but she still fusses wanting you to go get her or give her a new toy rather than crawling to get you or the toy herself so far).

Unfortunately, our old enemy Reflux has returned. It started being bad again about last Wednesday, the day after we took her to the pedi for that sinus/ear infection. At that appointment, the pedi noticed her weight had gone up enough to increase her Zantac dosage, which usually takes about a week to really start working, and prescribed Amoxycillin. As of the next day, reflux started to return, and i don't know if it's because it would have anyway (from outgrowing the old dose of Zantac) and we just happened to go to the doc before the symptoms really started, or if the Amoxycillin is hurting her tummy as it tends to do and this is manifesting as reflux for her. IDK, but her breathing/laryngomalacia is bad again. We're trying to up her solids again and thicken her formula with cereal again in hopes it helps.

As far as solids, we tried beans yesterday at the Mexican place. Definitely a baby-led weaning (BLW) moment as she kept reaching for it. There were whole (soft) beans in the mush, so i must have given her 10 of them and she ate all of them. She's getting so good about chewing and swallowing, even though she still has no teeth lol.

Oh, and this week i've been able to do lots of toilet learning. i don't think i personally missed but one poop (and that's after 3 tries before and i didn't want to constipate her). She had a couple with Alan, but the rest were all in the toilet. Yay! One of these days she'll start signing for it, but it certainly isn't happening yet. She doesn't mind the potty at all, by the way, and has gotten where she can poop on the potty just as well as she can when she's playing in the jumperoo (ICK!) or while standing at the play table or furniture. Boy, if this can just continue for the next year, i will be beyond thrilled!

Oh, and we've retired the SnuggleNest Supreme :(. This is actually meant for cosleepers to keep the baby in bed, but we've used it in her crib for months (and a cheaper model prior to that), since she was dx with reflux and we've needed something to help with the crib angle and her sliding down. But alas, i found her flipped over the side the other day, and figured it would be safer to take it out and let her sleep on the crib itself, angle or no. She's doing very well with it, but has turned into a full-time tummy sleeper. Thankfully she's past the prime period for SIDS, but i can't say it doesn't make me nervous!

In 2 days is the motions hearing. 2 days! i don't know yet if i'll be able to go. She has this court date (which we're not required to be there but we're allowed to) and an ENT appointment where they'll test her hearing (reflux can cause hearing loss, hopefully not though), and i'd like to attend both. However, i only have 1 day off i think, which means i would have to take a half day off for each and would have zero cushion. Should the court date be in January (not likely), i wouldn't have any time for it, and i'd REALLY like to be present then. i also have a doctor's appointment in Chattanooga on the 19th that i haven't decided if i'll keep or not, and will have to have the colonoscopy at some point probably in January. i don't technically have to take vacation time for the 19th but probably would because that's the kind of person i am. But i'll probably need a whole day off for the colonoscopy which doesn't count as a doctor's appointment and i'll need the whole day off. i'll get a little comp time for some work done over the break, but there were massive computer issues and i didn't work as much as i'd hoped to be able to, so... bottom line i'll probably only be able to go to either court or the ENT. Sigh. i hate being vacation poor. (This time off isn't vacation for me; the whole company is closed).

Today's food experiment

So, let me just say that i hate scheduling D's food. i'd prefer to feed on demand; and i did, until she stopped demanding except when VERY hungry, and even then she usually doesn't cry but just sucks on my thumb and fusses a little. So, we've had to more or less schedule when we and daycare offer her bottles and solids. Of course, if she ever shows hunger before time, we feed her. That's non-negotiable (except if she's hungry much before 8 -- typical bedtime -- i do try to stretch it, sometimes feeding some more solids, or it's really hard to get her to sleep).

Anyway, she's typically eaten about:
7 am - bottle
8:30 am - solids
10 am - bottle at daycare
1 pm - bottle at daycare
4 pm - bottle at daycare
5:15 pm - very small bottle at home with medicine
6:45 pm - solids
8:00 pm - bottle
Then she usually wakes around 3 am and eats a few ounces.

Each bottle we usually offer 6 oz, but she doesn't always/usually eat it all. The morning bottle she doesn't usually finish because of the night waking/feeding. Then at daycare she usually drains the 1 pm bottle but leaves 1-2 oz in the 10 am and 4 pm bottle, and then eats a ton at 8 pm. Her total before bedtime lately has been about 24 oz and during a 24 hour period usually 28-30 oz.

Today i took the risk and sent solids to daycare and told them only to feed her twice during the day at daycare. So her feedings today have been:
3 am - couple of ounces
7 am - 4.5 oz
no solids because caseworker was here then
10 am - 6 oz
12 pm - 1/2 oz solids maybe (she doesn't love green beans)
2 pm - 6 oz
5:15 pm - 6 oz (took 30 minutes to eat it all though)
6:45 pm - some baby-led solids (carrots, green beans, cheerios, and cranberries); didn't eat a lot but that's okay
8 pm - 6.5 oz

Her total for the day is 29 oz plus some, but not a lot of, solids. So far, so good, as they say! (Let's see how much she eats tonight).

i really hope this blog doesn't become a baby food blog though lol. Sorry, gentle readers, i tend to be boring sometimes. But yay for some progress. Right now it also seems that the reflux is under control with the meds and the solids :). At least until she grows some more.

i've decided i hate food as much as D does

Because it's such an issue in our house constantly lol. A month ago she was eating 42 oz in a day (Perhaps a growth spurt? Prior to that she was around 34), and these days she's dropped down to maybe 26ish since Thursday or so. i'm starting to think that she's not just "off" for a few days, but is truly regulating down in intake, which i think happens, it just seems sudden.

Anyway, today i decided to try 5 oz bottles at daycare in hopes she would eat all of them. Alas. She ate 4.5 oz for breakfast, then finished 2 bottles at daycare but only ate 1 oz of the third. At home she ate 2 more. Needless to say, when it was time for her solids dinner, she was READY. To the point of melting into tears when i put her on the high chair (also not unusual these days). i quickly spread some carrots and pears on a piece of toast, tore it into bits, and handed it over.

The toast? Well, not as popular as the pancakes with sweet potatoes yesterday, but she ate some and seemed happy enough to be feeding herself. Just not enough to fill herself up enough to last another hour plus before her last bottle before bedtime (and i learned last weekend NOT to feed that last bottle early or it will be super hard to get her to sleep).

Sooooo... i broke the rules and fed her yogurt a wee bit early (pedi said start around 7 months). We didn't have a lot of options i thought she might eat, and i had some i was about ready to toss, so i figured why not. i mixed some plain greek yogurt with what was left of the sweet potatoes dipped a spoon in it, and handed it over to her. Her coordination with a spoon is quite impressive, and these days she's been so fussy in the evenings that she doesn't want me to feed her, and she was about to have a bath. The result:

Oh, my gosh! If you could see a full-face picture, you'd see some over her eye, a little on her brow, but really she did quite well feeding herself. She couldn't dip the spoon in the bowl to get more (just wanted to use her hands lol), but all i did is put the spoon in the food and let her feed herself. And she did, over and over and over again. i have never seen that kid eat that much solid food in one sitting EVER!

Can you tell i'm super proud of my girl? i can't believe she's only 6 1/2 months and already cruising and feeding herself. i think i'm going to have to get creative with finger foods that she can eat since she doesn't like to eat chunky food yet (she'll chew on a banana or soft-cooked carrot but she'll spit the chunks out so that does no good yet). About all i've been able to do so far is the yogurt, pancakes spread with puree, and toast spread with puree. Age-appropriate suggestions are welcome!

Hopefully we'll both be enjoying dinner time more soon!

Update

Two doctor appointments this week, a whole lot of endo pain, a sweet husband with an eye problem. There; you're all caught up. No?

Tuesday was met with horrible endo pain and an appointment at the GI doc for D. GI doc increased Zantac slightly for D's weight gain (15 pounds, 12 oz, yo) and promised to send a note to the feeding specialist to have them call me about starting therapy sessions. She watched me feed D a bottle and saw how she fights and fusses, and said that this plus her eating almost half of her formula at night are typical of a baby with severe reflux that's starting to get better but who still has the food aversion. She said that at night the baby is so sleepy that the hunger instinct just takes over and overrides the desire to push the bottle away, so they eat more. She did feel that D needs some therapy and didn't seem pleased that the specialist sent us away without therapy and also that the specialist hadn't sent her any reports back.

Unfortunately on Thursday the feeding specialist called Alan instead of me, and apparently he was kind of rude and told her that no, we didn't want to do any therapy. So i'm not really sure what to do at this point :(. Poor kid. i can tell you that i'm not going to put formula in the sippy cup as the therapist suggested because i don't want her to associate sippy cups with pain. Sigh.

Thursday we had D's 6 month appointment. 12 pounds 13 oz lol. Also nearly 25 inches. We had asked the pedi about a letter that discusses D's medical history, issues, and potential issues moving forward to submit to the "adoption assistance" people. We don't know yet if D will qualify as "special needs", which means she'll continue to get some benefits from the state (actually from a block grant from the feds). She would get slightly less than her current board stipend, continue on Medicaid, qualify for something like $5k for college (not sure if annually or whatever) in-state down the road, some preferential treatment for some schools like magnet schools, and would qualify for the full $12k federal tax credit at the time of finalization. Of course, we view this as HER money, not ours, and while it makes us really uncomfortable to have to fight for it, we also feel like it's her benefit and we have to be her advocate and get what she deserves if she does, and we would invest this for her future.

Anyway, we asked the pedi to please write a letter that outlines laryngomalacia, reflux, whether or not they may have been caused by either the lack of prenatal care or the drugs/cigarettes/etc, and any future complications that could happen. She said she began the letter but it was really hard to write. One thing she wanted us to ask the caseworker (we did) is whether or not a Barrett score was done on D. This is a test to estimate gestational age based on factors like skin, hair, position, muscle tone, etc. Anyway it wasn't in the medical history the pedi has, and could make a huge difference. Apparently there was notice that the birthmom said that she thought she was in the 7th month, but D was pretty big for that so it's kind of suspect info.

Otherwise everything went fine with the appointments and all, other than D getting a fever from all the shots :(.

Developmentally she's still amazing me on a daily basis. The other day she pulled herself up on my fingers and then walked 9 steps while holding my fingers. That was Tuesday i think. Then Wednesday she balanced herself standing for about 3 seconds. And then today she was cruising (which means walking while holding onto furniture) at the coffee table and decided that she apparently does not like walking sideways, and instead she turned so that her right arm was draped over the coffee table like some kind of frat boy, and took a few steps walking forward. Then she tried to reach for something on the table with her right hand, and couldn't balance and fell backwards on her tushie. She's such a sweet little clown!

Titles are hard to think of!

This will just cover a few things.

1) Still no sign that the state has filed TPR. They were supposed to do it by October 15, but as of November 6 (i think) they had not. The review board set up another review meeting for December 1, and as of then it STILL had not been done! And the review board set up a court date for January 7, so we'll see if the state files by then or gets chewed out by the state.

2) Tonight i got a call from the state about a newborn, but didn't have to say no because they asked if D was still in the home and i said yes, and they said that wouldn't work. Someone will get a good call :).

3) D is really coming along in the milestones, at least the physical ones. Tonight she pulled herself up using my fingers (i didn't move them so she had to adjust herself to them) and then took NINE steps holding onto my fingers. She's cruising furniture (somewhat), but still only belly crawling backwards. i'm thinking she's going to skip crawling and walk instead.

This week we have a GI appointment tomorrow and her 6 month exam on Thursday. The only thing i'm a little worried about is that verbally she's not ahead. Not that she's behind, but everything else she's ahead, so... Okay that sounds silly. But she doesn't repeat sounds.

She also seems to have more of an issue with reflux right now, so hopefully tomorrow's appointment will help with that.

6 months old!

i am absolutely flummoxed that this little girl is actually six whole months old! Six months ago i didn't know she existed, i didn't know she would soon become the next love of my life, i had no idea what a change my world was going to go through just 2 days later. Wow, it's pretty overwhelming!

i guess you can say things are a little better. At any rate i discovered that DH is having issues getting her to eat, too, lol. i'm starting to think that she may be trying to drop a feeding in the evening, which i'm not sure what to do about exactly. If she liked cereal, i'd give her a big meal in the evenings, but i don't know how much veggies and fruits she'll eat and she hates cereal. She's already eating about 1 Tbsp of veggies and fruit in the evening and then most days another 2 tsp of something in the morning with Alan (when he has time). Maybe if we were to drop this meal, she could eat more in her other bottles, stretch them out just a wee bit, eat more solids, etc. i think i'll mention it to the pedi at her 6 month appointment. For those curious, here's her typical food schedule these days:

6:30 am (all times are give-or-take some) - about 4.5 oz
8:30 am (when Alan has time) - 2 tsp fruit and/or veggie
9:30 am (daycare) - about 5 oz
12:30 pm (daycare) - about 4.5 oz
3:30 pm (daycare) - about 4.5 oz
5:15 pm (home) - 1.5 oz with her meds; she falls asleep while eating
6:00 pm (home) - 2 tsp one veggie plus 1 tsp another veggie or fruit
6:30 pm (home) - usually only about 2-3 oz
8:00 pm (home/bedtime) - about 6-7 oz

Then she usually wakes around 3:30 am and wants about 6 oz, for a grand total of about 34-36 oz per day.

D's balance is getting so good! She now stands and holds onto furniture (and this silly contraption Alan made with a box and a length of PVC pipe) with one hand, and has even taken a few steps. She's slow, she's deliberate, but she's a cruiser!

We had a meeting yesterday with D's caseworker and the county adoption specialist. We talked a bit about whether D would qualify for adoption assistance (the answer is maybe; we won't know for a while yet for sure), and that's about it. Not much else to report except that the petition for TPR *still* has not yet been filed with the state. It was supposed to be done by October 15. Grrrr!

Small update

Alan came home early because he knew i was having a crappy night. He's truly the best. He fixed the steam cleaner and is finishing up the mess now. i'm *almost* starting to feel sorry for the dog, who has been outside the last 5 1/2 hours.

Pumpkin pie is in the oven with about 20 minutes left to bake, and it looks *good*. We shall see, er, taste, tomorrow night. i also chopped up the nuts for the nut-stuffed squash for tomorrow. The baby food machine is really a handy little food processor lol. Better than the other 2 i have.

And finally, i looked back at the daycare sheet and what did i see? Not only did they feed her at 4 (we'd asked them to feed around 3:30 to give her a chance to get hungry in time for her dinner around 6 when she wakes from her 5:15ish nap), but it looks like they fed her twice. (The way they used to do where she wouldn't finish a bottle and they'd come back and feed it later). i had asked them not to do that anymore, just throw out whatever was left from a bottle and mark how much was left. Normally now it will say "All" or "1/2 " and on the next line "left" in the "how much" spot, to mean she left 1/2 oz in the bottle. It looked like she'd left 1 1/2 oz from both the first and third bottles, but upon looking back, the 4:00 bottle says "1 1/2" and on the next line it says "all." i don't know for sure obviously, but i think that means that they fed her around 4 and she ate 1 1/2, then they tried again later and she finished the bottle. If that's the case, it's no wonder she wasn't hungry for me at 6:00!

i still feel very discouraged when i feed her and she gets fussy super fast, but at least now i know why she was so fussy tonight and why i was so discouraged tonight.

i hate today

Yeah, yeah, it's the day before Thanksgiving and, as a "friend" said, i should just STFU and be grateful for what i have. But this day sucks sucks sucks.

First (and minorly) they told us on Monday that we would be leaving around 1 or 2 today. We left at 3:45 (our usual end time is 4:15). i thought i'd have time to do the grocery shopping so i didn't make Alan go, so i was really rushed leaving work to pick D up.

She didn't eat too well at daycare today. So... added pressure. Yippee. And of course, as always, she wouldn't eat for me. i don't know what the deal is, but it's so beyond discouraging. To the point where i was reduced to a sobbing mess by 6:30. Vented to the above "friend" and that just made me feel so good.

Got home from work to find one of my dogs had peed on the corner of his elevated dog bed. For the second time in 2 weeks. He was a rescue and was super hard to house train, but he has been reliable for probably 2 solid years. i don't know what's doing it now. He's getting as much, if not more, attention now than he was pre-D.

So, after i got D to bed, but before i made tomorrow's bottles or the pumpkin pie or homemade rolls for tomorrow that i should really be making tonight (AT LEAST one of them), i set about cleaning said dog piss. It didn't seem to be coming up, and i discovered that the f*ing steam cleaner isn't working right. The brushes aren't spinning.

i am seriously beyond despondent right now. i just want to cry myself to sleep, but there's too much to do still and instead i'm here venting on this blog because at least i know the blog won't tell me to shut up. (And if you feel like leaving an ugly comment, i don't blame you, but just don't, okay? Not today.)

And for the record, i appreciate the hell out of what i have. It brings me to tears every single day. i am so incredibly lucky to have Alan and D and even the full-of-piss dogs. But i really wish i were better for them, especially D. She deserves the best and gets stuck with me. i can't even feed her. Everyone else can feed her but me. i don't know what i'm doing wrong. i seem to be doing what they're doing, but she fights me. And babywearing worked for a few days but no longer. Now instead of fighting after 3 ounces and eating 1-2 more when worn, she fights after 1 ounce and eats 1-2 more when worn. And i'm scared about what happens on Friday. i mean, most days i only feed 2 bottles, and i know she gets enough to eat in her other bottles that it isn't the end of the world (even if it feels like it sometimes). But Friday i'll be feeding her all of her bottles except maybe 1. It will probably be okay, but it feels really scary and frustrating.

And i hate myself for showing my frustration in front of D. (No, i don't yell at her or anything, but i do cry, and i know she's starting to notice.) And i don't know how not to. And i wish i did because i could be such a better mom than i am. And yeah, i go through this every day. It sucks.

Both amazed and discouraged

Amazed: D has decided that now is a good time to start pulling up. Actually, she decided that last night in the bathtub. Um... not so mcuh. So tonight i decided to encourage her with an overturned laundry basket. i don't think she gets the concept, or maybe she can't grip well, so i helped her the first time. And then she was leaning on it so much that it moved a couple of inches. AND THEN she took a step toward it! i've spent the last few minutes working with her on repeating it. She is something else! (But is now more apprehensive about the step and does more of a shuffle). Once she figures out how to pull herself up on furniture, this girl will definitely be cruising soon!

Discouraged: Feeding. i still suck at it. Tonight she fought after 1.5 oz. So i popped her in the Beco and went for a walk, which the last few nights has worked like a charm. Nope, not so much tonight. Sigh. i could only get her to eat 3.5 oz total. Hopefully that's because of the solids she ate plenty of and not because i suck, but i fear that i do suck. Feeling very "bad mommy" tonight.

The feeding therapist called yesterday and talked to Alan, who told her it was going moderately well but she needed to talk to me. i told her i can't get her to eat. That i feed her 2 bottles a day every day, but on weekends it's mornings instead of evenings so it's not just time of day, and she basically said she had no help for me. The only thing she said is maybe she's looking for comfort when i hold her. i told her that i hold D all the time. When i'm not holding her, i spend a lot of time on the floor with her playing with her, rubbing her back, encouraging her, etc. Right now she's in my lap while i type this. Well, okay, RIGHT NOW she's on my shoulders lol. But the point is i don't think she's starved for comfort. Basically she just said, "i'm sorry you're having problems. i'm going to send this paperwork off to your doctor now. Goodbye."

i feel like a total failure as a mom sometimes, and tonight is definitely one of those times. But at least she's gaining weight and thriving, even if every feeding is a challenge. It's all worth it if she gets better over time. Hopefully soon, right?

Weekend Update

i SUCK at this feeding stuff. D doesn't want to take more than 3-3.5 oz per bottle for me before she starts fighting, and i don't know how much to fight back or just give up. The good news is i've discovered that she will take more after fussing (and stop fussing) if i wear her in front and feed her walking around the neighborhood. i wish it wouldn't get cold and dark so early though!

In other news, D and i were both sick this weekend. Just a cold, but it makes for a fussy baby and a fussy mommy lol. Thank goodness for sweet DH and all his patience.

Also, on Saturday morning, i was getting D some clothes from her closet and jammed a 1.5" spike (carpet spike maybe?) into my foot about 3/4". Somehow i managed not to drop the baby, hobbled to a chair to see it was sizeable, and carried D downstairs. Woke Alan up and made him get it out, which i think took 3 tries it was in so far!

So, yeah, could have been a better weekend, but we did take D to the ICE! exhibit at Opryland. It was fun. Overpriced, but fun. Got a few good pics, too. (Not necessarily these here lol).


And today's bad news is Alan's car got a hole in the exhaust (LOUD!!!), but it was fixed today for $108; definitely could have been worse.

The exciting and scary news from today is D chose tonight in the infant tub as the perfect place to try to pull herself up for the first time ever! And the redirection begins!

Day 4 Update

Yesterday D ate about 28 oz during the day and very little solids. She went to bed about 8:30, and woke at 10:45 pm wanting 4 more ounces. Then she slept until 6:00 am! Another STTN! She did wake around 2-something i think, but by the time i got upstairs with a bottle, she was sound asleep again.

i asked daycare to change her 12:30 feeding (which she usually doesn't eat all of, it seems) to more like 1:00. That way if her 3:30 feeding is not so great, she'll be hungrier in the evening and maybe fuller at bedtime. Maybe; we'll see.

This morning she ate 7 1/2 oz in the morning! That is a record! (But then she only ate 12 1/2 oz of her 16 1/2 oz at daycare). She ate 3 1/2 oz for dinner, and we'll see how that bedtime bottle goes in a few minutes. Right now she's trying to crawl. And eat the coffee table.

Day 3 Update

Yesterday D ate around 28 ounces before bed, and woke once at 3:45, but i think she woke because she was cold rather than hungry. Her hands were freezing! This is despite a long-sleeved onesie, a cotton footed PJ, and a fleece sleep sack. The weather took a turn and it got COLD upstairs. i feel bad about that :(. She ate about 3 ounces at that time though.

Aside from the 3 oz at 3:45, she's eaten just short of 28 today. She ate a little less for Alan this morning (just maybe 1/2 oz less), and an ounce less at daycare, and only slightly more for me. We'll see how tonight works out, but i have somewhat more confidence and will make sure it's nice and toasty upstairs.

Day 2 Update

You may have guessed that yesterday i was pretty... flustered would be a good word. i was so afraid of being awakened 4 or 5 times overnight for D to eat about 2 ounces each time and then fall asleep.

Well, i'm happy to say that she slept through the night! She woke once around 8:45 and just needed me to rub her back to fall back asleep. Then she didn't wake again (at least not when she didn't fall right back asleep on her own) until 5:15. She ate a 6 oz bottle (maybe could have had more...?), then slept again until 7:45. Dude! That has never, ever happened!

So now i'm left with the conclusion that A) i'm a douchebag for trying to put more food down her gullet than she actually needs, and B) she actually does better without it (eats more and sleeps more!). So yeah, i'm not feeling really confident as a mommy at this point.

So far today, she's eaten more than she used to with the old strategy, so that's a good sign. She has, however, slept a grand total of 35 minutes during naps since the 7:45 waking. 15 minutes at daycare and 20 at home.

Yay for Pre-Toddler D and getting back into her regular rhythms!

Feeding Therapy

We had a feeding evaluation with a food therapist today. i'd love to say it went great, but i have to admit that i have some amount of skepticism. Basically D has had so much food aversion and we've been reacting so much to it that we've started feeding her very frequently, smaller amounts of food at a time. And this is bad.

We were instructed to let her get hungry, really hungry, between feedings, in the hopes that she eats bigger bottles. We hope, hope, hope that it works, but my pessimistic side predicts that we will end up feeding her 5 ounce bottles (if she even takes that much at a time) every 3 hours round-the-clock (except at night she'll probably only eat 3 oz before falling back to sleep; if only it were so easy for the adults in the family lol). In other words, back to a newborn feeding schedule, but with larger amounts obviously.

And somehow i'm supposed to fit in two solids feedings a day when she's hungry. Ummmm... i did ask her whom we're supposed to call in the middle of the night when we've already been awakened 3 times, and she just brushed me off. i wasn't kidding. Sigh. (i sincerely hope i'm wrong).

P.S. It might be worth mentioning that i'm feeling a bit negative because i've missed a few thyroid pills... or a few more than a few. And i have to wait for the doctor to refill, which she probably won't without a blood test, and i don't have the time off available at work, and it just sucks. OK, i'm done.

This day can suck it

i was supposed to go to the doctor's appointment today with Alan and D. Originally it was scheduled for 1:30, so i took 1/2 day off to be there. Then yesterday (i think; could have been Wednesday), the doctor's office called and asked to push it back to 12:00. 12:00 is not a great time. To get 1/2 day in, i have to work until 11:30, and it's 45 minutes from work to the doctor. Plus Alan has to be at work at 1:00, so he couldn't really do a 12:00 appointment alone, but we decided that since we'd really like to get her diagnosed and treated sooner rather than later, we went with it. And yes, we know that the doctor is just trying to leave early and are not amused.

So i got to work an hour early this morning just to make sure i got a full 1/2 day in (and i had a lot to get done). Around 9:30, the doctor called to change the time of the appointment again, this time to 11:15. The doctor apparently had a very important tee time, er, meeting. This made it easier for Alan to go, but harder for me to, since i'd have to leave work at 10:30 to make it and i had way too much to get done, would have to come back in, blah blah.

So we decided to keep the appointment and Alan would go without me, and this would free up 1/2 day vacation for me to go to the Food Therapy appointment on Monday (it never ends!). The doctor, naturally, was running late and didn't actually enter the exam room until 11:55. Grumble grumble grumble. Which put Alan in a rush because he would have to drive all the way back past our house to drop her off at daycare and then back almost to the same place by 1:00, 1:15 at the latest. Yeah.

So they did the scope procedure, putting a tube down D's nose, and Alan says she did really well, just fussing a little bit. They did, indeed, confirm that D has Laryngomalacia, or soft larynx. Alan told me hours later (after the doctor was on the golf course, i'm sure) that they asked him if she's ever turned blue. So now i'm entirely freaked out that this could cause her to stop breathing! They say it's not that bad, probably won't need surgery, etc. But still, not exactly a good thing to hear without the ability to ask follow-up questions. Eeep!

The afternoon, otherwise, was okay, but i ended up having to stay late. Which is normally fine, but i got there early, so that's no fun. And of course the doctor's appointment put D behind on her food thing, so here i am, waiting for her to wake from her nap so i can stuff as much food down her gullet as possible.

Aaaaannnddd, when i got home, one of the dogs had peed on the carpet, for the first time in years. Little snot!

But, there is cake. Oh, yes, there is cake.

i just can't stop hugging this kid!

She's just so squeezable!

Yesterday was Alan's and my third anniversary! Yay! We celebrated with some cake that i made on my gift -- my new range with cooktop and double oven! This is my anni and Christmas gift all rolled into one, and man do i love it! It heats sooooo fast and cooks evenly and i can bake 2 things at once if i want to! Neaner neaner neaner.

The last few days D has been eating more again, and that's a welcome change. Either it's an early growth spurt or we're seeing some benefit from the meds. They keep saying that reflux peaks about now, so hopefully this will last through the hump. It seems that every time the meds help, it gets worse a couple of weeks later, but i'm trying to stay optimistic. At any rate, we have an ENT appointment tomorrow about the probable laryngomalacia. Wish us luck!

Every time i go to type a post title

It comes out something like "Just another update." Can you say BO-ring?

Anyway, we had a foster care review board meeting on Tuesday to go over the status of the case. The only thing that really should have happened is for the petition for termination of parental rights to have been filed. The magistrate had said way back on July 31 that the state had until October 15 to file. Guess what... no file yet. The case worker turned it in to Legal on Oct 7, bu Legal never filed. They're going to reconvene the review board on December 1. Sigh.

The food aversion is just getting worse and worse. i called the doc today and hope to hear soon.

As far as my health problems, i'm still trying to figure out the insurance. Alan's insurance for 2010 will SUCK if he wants out of network coverage, which it will have to be for my surgery. My company's option is actually better, but it could cost $6500 for the out-of-pocket maximums for both in and out of network. The insurance guy from work is going to try to talk to the insurance company but i'm not really that confient. We'll see... sigh.

Some more updates on the reflux

D had a pediatric gastroenterologist appointment on Tuesday. We had some paperwork issues that set us back about an hour (because we're foster parents -- ugh!), but otherwise it went fine. The GI ordered a LOT of new stuff to happen:
* A swallow study - this is another barium X-ray deal but studies her throat and upper esophagus, not her lower esophagus, stomach, and small intestines like before. This will be tomorrow.
* A food therapy appointment. No, not psychotherapy, more like physical therapy. Supposedly the therapists work "magic" to get the kids over their food aversion issues. And her food aversion issues are getting TERRIBLE! We used to feed on demand until she stopped demanding. Now it's so bad that we have to really push her to eat even a little bit at a time. One day at daycare this week she at 3.75 ounces the entire day! So we very much look forward to that, but it's about 2 1/2 weeks away.
* A referral to an ENT. She thinks the squeaking is not tracheomalacia, but laryngomalacia. They're very similar. In tracheomalacia, the trachea is "soft" and collapses on inhale. In laryngomalacia, it's the larynx instead. In order to diagnose, they'll have to do a nasal scope, so we're trying to prepare ourselves for this lol.
* And meds: She increased the dosage of Zantac slightly from 1.8 mL 2x daily to 1.9 mL 2x daily. She also increased the dosage of Prevacid from 1x daily to 2x daily, but we're still waiting for that to really start helping. It took 3 weeks for Prevacid to help the first time, but hopefully it won't take that long this time.

Say it with me, folks: Reflux sucks! It even rhymes! Seriously, the food aversion problems are the pits. The poor kid physically pushes the bottle away, turns her head, fusses, cries, even screams. It feels like we're force feeding her sometimes! But the doctors say we're doing the right thing and to keep it up. She's certainly gaining weight anyway! She is up almost to 14 pounds, which is near the 50th percentile for her age, which is awesome considering she used to be <5%.

Developmentally she's still doing great. She's a master unassisted sitter, and has started going from sitting to a belly crawl (on purpose). Yes, she's belly crawling. Like, a few feet at a time, to chase a toy. She's mobile! i am so not ready for a mobile baby! Thankfully she's also very, very slow right now lol.

Pediatric GI appointment

D had her pedi GI appointment today. i guess you could say it went well, once we actually got in (they required our foster parent paperwork, which surprised us as we've never needed it before, and we didn't have it with us, so we had to place an emergency call to the caseworker to have it faxed... and we waited about an hour for it. i can't complain, though, since she did do us a favor.).

They are increasing her Zantac dose slightly per weight gain, and increasing her Prevacid from once daily to twice daily. i expect that to help a lot. They're also going to do a swallow study to see if there's any physiological problem causing this, referring her to an Ear, Nose, and Throat for a scope to check for laryngomalacia, and referring her to a food therapist who will work with her on the food aversion problems.

Laryngomalacia = similar to the tracheomalacia that was ruled out a month or two ago when she had the big upper GI study (and other X-rays), but instead of the trachea collapsing upon inhale, it's the larynx. Why it wasn't ruled out, too (or ruled in), i cannot say, perhaps it needs different tests? At any rate, apparently it's very common with reflux and again they almost never do surgery or any treatment other than treat the reflux.

Just say no (to the swine flu)

So, we (well, really Alan since he's the only one who can care for her currently) were braced for a long, hard night of a baby who would wake a lot. She was up kind of late and not very tired, and we were stressed. Guess what? She STTN! i'm sure it was because she was in her swing, but we'll take it!



This morning she didn't have a fever, but Alan took her to the doctor, who said she does not have the flu. Yay! She has bronchialitis (basically a chest cold) and yesterday was probably the worst day. So that's very good news! Sadly, i still can't love on her, but maybe i won't be contagious much longer. i think not anyway :).



The other good news is that D was weighed and is still growing, despite her fighting EVERY SINGLE BOTTLE we (or daycare) give her. Poor thing! Reflux is torture, i tell you (when it's severe anyway). She's gained a little over a pound and a half in 3 weeks, and is now between 25 and 50 percentile on the growth chart. She started out off the charts below 5%! Yay!