My fears

i'll be honest. i don't know if i am feeling this genuinely, or if it's my overall selfish desire to keep these kids talking.

i believe that the kids would be fine with their grandmother. They would probably be better off, since kids do better (statistically) with family. But suppose grandmother takes them back and then changes her mind again. Takes a turn for the worse medically, or Little Sister enters the terrible twos and Big Brother never exits them and they're just too much to deal with. My fear is that grandmother, who has now turned them over to DCS once and is learning very quickly what a pain in the butt THAT is, is having to deal with court and immigration fears and all of that. Why would she turn them over to DCS again if she changes her mind again? i think if i were in her shoes, i wouldn't. i would hand them over to another relative or a family friend instead of going the "official" route. Which *could* be very dangerous for the kids.

i also fear that this week is my only week to be a mother. For reasons i can't really go into, or don't want to right now. So naturally that freaks me out.

Kids are up, better go.