No cyst

No cyst. On the surface, that sounds good, but really it just indicates that the endo is so bad now that I’m likely to have pain both mid-cycle and during my period most cycles for the rest of my life. Because the endo is so severe, it has adhered my left ovary to my uterus, and my ute to my bowel, which means that another laparoscopic surgery is not likely to be successful. Most likely it actually bowel pain I am feeling. So my options are: 1) Go on hormonal birth control, which will prevent ovulation and only allow the endo to spread a little bit at a time instead of a lot. I’m past the idea of being pregnant, so this is okay, except I hate the side effects. 2) Have a laparotomy (cut open surgery) to remove the endo around my bowel, but there’s significant risks. 3) Have a hysterectomy, but again because it’s so bad, it couldn’t be done laparoscopically and would be the same as 2, just taking everything but my right ovary.

I didn’t know that about the hysterectomy being an open surgery for me. This scares me shitless because my mom’s best friend had some surgery in the 80’s (not sure which one) that punctured her bowel and it was really awful. Many dozens of surgeries, many lawyers and lawsuits and settlements and awards, even a cheating husband, divorce, and financial ruin, and a colostomy later, she passed away after 20-odd years of severe pain. Not my idea of a Sunday at the park. This sucks. Furthermore, she said that hysterectomies are always optional, but that she’s certain at some point I will elect to have one because the pain will be too unbearable. The only thing that *might* change that is if I get pregnant, because the slow expansion of my uterus would stretch out all the scar tissue and endo and possibly free some of the adhesions. If I were to get pregnant (and carry the baby/s to term), I would have at least a chance of avoiding open surgery. Which is really freaking appealing to me.

The problem: Obviously I can’t get pregnant with my insides being the way they are. So, I could have in vitro fertilization, which I’ve pretty much fought against since it was first mentioned a year ago (by a different doctor). I haven’t even explored how I feel about the ethical implications yet, but that will have to be done. Also, some people I’ve talked to who’ve had it did not enjoy the process one bit. The drugs make you nuts. And I have been told I have an increased risk of miscarriage because of my autoimmune issues (Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis as well as a lupus-like illness called Mixed Connective Tissue Disorder, which is currently in remission – yay). So, to spend our life savings to put all our eggs in one basket, and then have a higher risk of dropping the basket, well…

So, here’s what we decided at the moment. I know there are some blood tests and titers that can determine if I carry the particular autoimmune antibodies that increase risk of miscarriage, so I had the doctor pull literally 12 vials of blood on me today to run those. If that comes back normal, meaning I have an average chance of conception through IVF and an average chance of carrying to term, we will open the door back up for DISCUSSING in vitro as a viable option. Which kind of sucks because I was *all* excited about adoption and this would put that on hold, at least for now. But, man, to have less pain and less risk of open surgery and reliving my mom’s best friend’s nightmare, and of course a child or maybe twins to boot…