Hmmm

i just reread my last post and it totally looks like i said i've been through death before. i promise i've never died, at least not that my surgeons shared with me ;). i have, however, grieved when OTHERS went through death. Just thought some folks might need clarification.

Alan and i went to the Inter-Agency Adoption Coalition Conference today (IAC or IAAC?). It was quite overwhelming actually. There were dozens of couples, and quite a few speeches. There was the opportunity to split up and go to different seminars, but most were kind of "International vs. Domestic" related (i.e. openness in adoption was held at the same time as international adoption 101), and since we know we don't want to go the international route, we didn't need to split up.

There was a speech on "special needs adoption", or supposedly, but really it was about adopting from foster care. The lady giving the speech recently quit from the Department of Children's Services specifically because she hated the beaurocrazy (not a typo), but she still gave the speech. Weird. This is really, really pathetic, but she had been the director of a nearby county's DCS office, and when she was ready to adopt, it took her EIGHTEEN MONTHS to get approved. And this was these people's freaking boss! We came away from that feeling particularly doomed.

At this point i just feel very overwhelmed and pretty helpless. i feel like i can't make any decisions without getting rocked to my core. i guess i need to feel more confidence before i can confidently move forward. And Alan's great, but sometimes i feel like we're never on the same page lately. That's not his fault, actually, i'm sure it's more mine. Mostly because i'm just so freaking confused!