Days like today

make me want to just curl up and die.

So i'm in a ton of pain from the endo. Thank you, evil migraine-inducing birth control pills, for absofreakinglutely NOTHING. So i called my OB/GYN to ask her if i should have an HSG because the RE last week thought he saw a hydrosalpinx on sonogram, and to ask if i should take the pills some more. Answer about the pills: Maybe. Answer about the HSG: No, but it's never that simple, is it?

The bottom line is this:

1. i'm pursuing IVF because it's my only way of conceiving, and if i conceive, it will perhaps postpone or eliminate the need for major (open) surgery (hysterectomy).
2. i have bilateral hydrosalpinx, which given my particularly bad case of endo, cannot be fixed without major surgery.
3. If i have ivf with the bilateral hydrosalpinx, my chances at conception are reduced from about 50% (normal IVF success rates) to about 25-35%.

So, what are we going to do about it? i wish i knew! Right now i think we're going to set up an appointment with an endometriosis expert in Chattanooga, and ask about surgery for the hydrosalpinges, or hysterectomy.

i was on the verge of tears all day. i may not be just "on the verge" for long.