This weekend was indeed very nice. The Y took great care of our girl and we didn't even make her cry when we left. We saw "Inception " which started off slow but picked up pretty well, and when we picked her up at 9:45, someone was walking around holding her and Char was clutching a sippy cup full of milk and would not let go LOL. She then slept until 8:45 am which is totally unheard of. I have a sneaking suspicion they may have given her Chik-Fil-A despite us saying not to, but I.do.not.want.to.know.
Sunday was nice, sleeping in until 8:45. The in-laws came early though so we had to rush LOL. We went out to see Eclipse which was better than I expected actually.
I had a couple of run-ins with SFIL but nothing too extreme. He had a conniption over Char playing with a drink spoon from Sonic and I got a lecture about why Char hasn't had her 1 year appt yet (2 colds And a pedi on vacation for 2 weeks) and how she should be on a multu-vitamin. I exacted my revenge by holding Char upside down over my back saying, "Where's Charlotte? Have you seen Charlotte?" Sadly the heart attack was metaphorical.
More pictures soon, I promise!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Apology
i apologize for my little meltdown on Monday. i guess that happens to everyone once in a while. At least i hope i'm not insane :). i'm feeling a lot better today after a couple of better days. Charlotte pulled a child's hair today but nothing like on Monday (not malicious, they said), and no further biting, no hitting. Yay!
She's also eating a crapton! Tonight she shoveled BROCCOLI of all things into her mouth. i offered her steamed broccoli, steamed carrots (these 2 were a pre-processed organic meal since outside of adding ranch dressing i'm not much of a veggie seasoner), a plum, and about 1/2 a banana, and she actually preferred the broccoli! Very little spitting food out or dropping it on the floor. She ate all the fruit, almost all the broccoli (which was a cup of broccoli/carrots total!), and about 1/2 the carrots. This is a LOT of food, and no fussing or fighting, which is a huge relief. She ate a huge breakfast, too, of a veggie patty, blueberries, organic cheerios (Publix brand lol), and some yogurt. She didn't get a morning snack because of the size of breakfast plus she slept late. Lunch was spaghetti at school and she ate it ALL. Then for a snack she had veggie dog and some cheddar cheese cubes PLUS a few cracker sandwiches with sunbutter and pumpkin puree. Holy wow! This is great; maybe she's growing or even over the hump of the texture issues.
This weekend should be nice. We're taking Char to the Y's Parents Night Out which is monthly i think, and from 5-11 pm, which should give us time to go to dinner and a movie. Of course we won't stay out until 11 but it will still be fun :). AND my mother-in-law asked to babysit on Sunday so we may go out to another movie again. Yes, i will feel tremendous guilt, but since we haven't been out since Christmas, i'll just tell myself that we may not get to go out until Christmas again lol, so we'd better take advantage of it. She'll live, and we'll just go to a matinee on Sunday so she should only have 1 night of jacked up sleep because of it... hopefully. i would bet we'll see the Twilight movie one time, but not sure about the other. Suggestions?
So, like i said last time, i really don't know what to write about anymore and i feel pretty lame about it. Sorry if i check in less frequently...
She's also eating a crapton! Tonight she shoveled BROCCOLI of all things into her mouth. i offered her steamed broccoli, steamed carrots (these 2 were a pre-processed organic meal since outside of adding ranch dressing i'm not much of a veggie seasoner), a plum, and about 1/2 a banana, and she actually preferred the broccoli! Very little spitting food out or dropping it on the floor. She ate all the fruit, almost all the broccoli (which was a cup of broccoli/carrots total!), and about 1/2 the carrots. This is a LOT of food, and no fussing or fighting, which is a huge relief. She ate a huge breakfast, too, of a veggie patty, blueberries, organic cheerios (Publix brand lol), and some yogurt. She didn't get a morning snack because of the size of breakfast plus she slept late. Lunch was spaghetti at school and she ate it ALL. Then for a snack she had veggie dog and some cheddar cheese cubes PLUS a few cracker sandwiches with sunbutter and pumpkin puree. Holy wow! This is great; maybe she's growing or even over the hump of the texture issues.
This weekend should be nice. We're taking Char to the Y's Parents Night Out which is monthly i think, and from 5-11 pm, which should give us time to go to dinner and a movie. Of course we won't stay out until 11 but it will still be fun :). AND my mother-in-law asked to babysit on Sunday so we may go out to another movie again. Yes, i will feel tremendous guilt, but since we haven't been out since Christmas, i'll just tell myself that we may not get to go out until Christmas again lol, so we'd better take advantage of it. She'll live, and we'll just go to a matinee on Sunday so she should only have 1 night of jacked up sleep because of it... hopefully. i would bet we'll see the Twilight movie one time, but not sure about the other. Suggestions?
So, like i said last time, i really don't know what to write about anymore and i feel pretty lame about it. Sorry if i check in less frequently...
Monday, July 12, 2010
A vent post
Trust me, i feel guilt over the fact that it's been less than a week and i should still be posting happy posts about the adoption and our family, etc etc, but the truth is, today i just can't. Today is just one of those super sucky days where i feel like the worst parent in the world and the fact that i'm posting this instead of something happy makes me feel that much worse. But i desperately need to vent.
i've had a headache for over 2 weeks straight. Some days it's full-on migraine, and some days it's not quite as bad. For 2 days it's been pretty bad. It was also 80 degrees (literally) at my desk at work today, which does not help a headache. And luckily i wasn't too busy but i wasn't busy enough. Char was up 5 times last night, so i fear that she's about to start teething again. The last bout was hell.
i go to pick her up, and the teacher tells me that she was absolutely rotten today. She bit a teacher, pulled 2 little kids' hair, including pulling out a big chunk of one kid's hair while they were sleeping!!!, and was messing with everyone's snack. In short, rotten. And she spent some time in time out during lunch and only napped 30 minutes and didn't eat super well. So i feel like a crappy parent for sure.
So we leave and of course she falls asleep about 1/2 a block from home. So i went home and ran in to let the dogs out and grab my computer. i HATE it when she falls asleep in the car because it messes with my schedule, and when my schedule is messed with is when my autism shows :(. i get prone to meltdowns, so i started to hear my shark music already. Duh-nuh, duh-nuh, duh-nuh duh-nuh. Sigh. Then i get my computer started up to find that the battery is dead. Duh-nuh duh-nuh. Shoot me. i went and got gas and she woke up while i was pumping, so about 25 minutes total.
So i took her upstairs with a bottle and rocked her back to "sleep". Only of course as soon as i put her down in her crib, her head pops up and she opens her little beady eyes. i gently laid her down and patted her back 4 times. The fifth time she started to look like a whack-a-mole game, so i left and let her talk to herself in her crib for 10 minutes. When she didn't wake up but rather started heavy fussing, i went and got her. Oh, and did i mention i cried? A lot.
So, we cuddled on the couch a while. Well, honestly my heart wasn't in it. It just wasn't. But "fake it til you make it", right? i tried anyway. i admit i put a "Dora the Explorer" DVD in, which is the first time she's seen a cartoon, and it interested her for exactly 90 seconds. Sigh.
We made it through dinner and after dinner to bedtime, but with a lot of crying. From both of us. i hate feeling like a failure and i hate feeling like a bad mom. It's all i've ever wanted to be and i'm not very good at it. And what's really getting to me today is that i/we have absolutely no support system. My mom is dead, the last time i asked my dad for help (to just let me stay in one of his spare rooms for the afternoon when i had a very high fever and the a/c was being replaced that day) he said no, my MIL lives 100 miles away (and more importantly is married to someone who has NO problem criticizing everything i do as a parent), and i don't feel like we can call the few friends we have for help with day to day stuff. They all have family in the area who watch their kids, but we don't. And with them having their own kids, i don't know. i just don't know. i just know i really miss my mommy and i feel like i'm letting her down every single day of my life as a parent and that sucks so bad!
Oh, and MIL/sFIL are coming on Sunday to tell me how sucky i am. It should be a blessing to have them visit Charlotte but it's always overshadowed by all the criticism. And i just don't know how to address it. It's always small things that seem silly to make a huge fuss about. (And yet HE does, i just don't feel like i should.) Example: Char has a little wagon that she used to push around when learning to walk, and we still take her for rides on it. She knows how to hold the edges and sometimes she zooms fairly quickly, but sFIL saw us pushing her not even near top speed and kept saying, "Not so fast! She'll put her foot down and get it caught under the wagon and break her leg!" We said, "No, she's had this for months and she knows how to ride it. She's fine." Ten seconds later he was saying, "Guys, slow down. She's going to break her foot!" Seriously, every time. Short of literally telling him to STFU, i don't know how to get him to STFU!
i actually feel a bit better having gotten that off my chest. i know you're thinking we need to get out more, but seriously we don't have any support. i know it's true as i realized the other day that we haven't been on a date since Christmas!!!! But we don't have a sitter, and i don't know if i want to hire a stranger. This Saturday we're going to use the YMCA's night out service (it's monthly i think, which should be enough), so that's good. And this past Saturday i got a therapeutic massage and that was really nice, but then i feel guilty for leaving Char with Alan all alone when he wasn't feeling great (and it was compounded by me taking a nap after the massage, so the guilt was doubled). But that's not even the big thing. The big thing is days like this. i don't even have anyone "in real life" to talk over the hair pulling/biting/etc issue that happened at school today. If i did call someone i would seriously think they would make me feel worse. That's usually what happens when i talk to my sister anyway. That's about the only person i have. (And she, too, is 100 miles away). i already know my brother would say it's because i don't spank. My dad would say "i don't know anything about that." And that's all i have.
By the way, this brings up a good question. What should i do with this blog? It was a foster/adopt blog with some parenting stuff thrown in. Aside from rants and rambles like today, i really don't think i can mommy blog. And no way would anyone want to read this repetitively! Eek! i'm open to suggestions, as long as you don't call me a sucky mom.
i've had a headache for over 2 weeks straight. Some days it's full-on migraine, and some days it's not quite as bad. For 2 days it's been pretty bad. It was also 80 degrees (literally) at my desk at work today, which does not help a headache. And luckily i wasn't too busy but i wasn't busy enough. Char was up 5 times last night, so i fear that she's about to start teething again. The last bout was hell.
i go to pick her up, and the teacher tells me that she was absolutely rotten today. She bit a teacher, pulled 2 little kids' hair, including pulling out a big chunk of one kid's hair while they were sleeping!!!, and was messing with everyone's snack. In short, rotten. And she spent some time in time out during lunch and only napped 30 minutes and didn't eat super well. So i feel like a crappy parent for sure.
So we leave and of course she falls asleep about 1/2 a block from home. So i went home and ran in to let the dogs out and grab my computer. i HATE it when she falls asleep in the car because it messes with my schedule, and when my schedule is messed with is when my autism shows :(. i get prone to meltdowns, so i started to hear my shark music already. Duh-nuh, duh-nuh, duh-nuh duh-nuh. Sigh. Then i get my computer started up to find that the battery is dead. Duh-nuh duh-nuh. Shoot me. i went and got gas and she woke up while i was pumping, so about 25 minutes total.
So i took her upstairs with a bottle and rocked her back to "sleep". Only of course as soon as i put her down in her crib, her head pops up and she opens her little beady eyes. i gently laid her down and patted her back 4 times. The fifth time she started to look like a whack-a-mole game, so i left and let her talk to herself in her crib for 10 minutes. When she didn't wake up but rather started heavy fussing, i went and got her. Oh, and did i mention i cried? A lot.
So, we cuddled on the couch a while. Well, honestly my heart wasn't in it. It just wasn't. But "fake it til you make it", right? i tried anyway. i admit i put a "Dora the Explorer" DVD in, which is the first time she's seen a cartoon, and it interested her for exactly 90 seconds. Sigh.
We made it through dinner and after dinner to bedtime, but with a lot of crying. From both of us. i hate feeling like a failure and i hate feeling like a bad mom. It's all i've ever wanted to be and i'm not very good at it. And what's really getting to me today is that i/we have absolutely no support system. My mom is dead, the last time i asked my dad for help (to just let me stay in one of his spare rooms for the afternoon when i had a very high fever and the a/c was being replaced that day) he said no, my MIL lives 100 miles away (and more importantly is married to someone who has NO problem criticizing everything i do as a parent), and i don't feel like we can call the few friends we have for help with day to day stuff. They all have family in the area who watch their kids, but we don't. And with them having their own kids, i don't know. i just don't know. i just know i really miss my mommy and i feel like i'm letting her down every single day of my life as a parent and that sucks so bad!
Oh, and MIL/sFIL are coming on Sunday to tell me how sucky i am. It should be a blessing to have them visit Charlotte but it's always overshadowed by all the criticism. And i just don't know how to address it. It's always small things that seem silly to make a huge fuss about. (And yet HE does, i just don't feel like i should.) Example: Char has a little wagon that she used to push around when learning to walk, and we still take her for rides on it. She knows how to hold the edges and sometimes she zooms fairly quickly, but sFIL saw us pushing her not even near top speed and kept saying, "Not so fast! She'll put her foot down and get it caught under the wagon and break her leg!" We said, "No, she's had this for months and she knows how to ride it. She's fine." Ten seconds later he was saying, "Guys, slow down. She's going to break her foot!" Seriously, every time. Short of literally telling him to STFU, i don't know how to get him to STFU!
i actually feel a bit better having gotten that off my chest. i know you're thinking we need to get out more, but seriously we don't have any support. i know it's true as i realized the other day that we haven't been on a date since Christmas!!!! But we don't have a sitter, and i don't know if i want to hire a stranger. This Saturday we're going to use the YMCA's night out service (it's monthly i think, which should be enough), so that's good. And this past Saturday i got a therapeutic massage and that was really nice, but then i feel guilty for leaving Char with Alan all alone when he wasn't feeling great (and it was compounded by me taking a nap after the massage, so the guilt was doubled). But that's not even the big thing. The big thing is days like this. i don't even have anyone "in real life" to talk over the hair pulling/biting/etc issue that happened at school today. If i did call someone i would seriously think they would make me feel worse. That's usually what happens when i talk to my sister anyway. That's about the only person i have. (And she, too, is 100 miles away). i already know my brother would say it's because i don't spank. My dad would say "i don't know anything about that." And that's all i have.
By the way, this brings up a good question. What should i do with this blog? It was a foster/adopt blog with some parenting stuff thrown in. Aside from rants and rambles like today, i really don't think i can mommy blog. And no way would anyone want to read this repetitively! Eek! i'm open to suggestions, as long as you don't call me a sucky mom.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
It's official :)
i almost can't believe it, but it's true! Our girl Charlotte is really OUR girl Charlotte! Her name is Charlotte Claire Faith, and we're a little proud. The finalization went through fine, though we were last on the docket because of our attorney's little mistake. Sigh. Poor Char was tired of sitting relatively still for about 90 minutes that when we went into the court room she would NOT be held quietly by us while we testified for the judge! i had to walk her around and our caseworker made her laugh, but it was hardly the solemn occasion it probably should have been ;). The judge gave her a Blow Pop which she loved sucking on... with the wrapper still on it lol. i told her when she's four she can find out what it actually tastes like.
Here's a couple of pictures of us in front of the courthouse today (and maybe a few others sprinkled in here and there):
Friday, July 2, 2010
Beyond frustrated
At the permanency hearing today, Alan went by the clerk's office at the courthouse. They told him that our case hadn't been processed today. It *might* be processed by 3 pm, but it might not. If not, it could still happen on Tuesday for a Tuesday court date, but we wouldn't find out until...Tuesday. Which means we will both have to take a vacation day and wait at the courthouse with a hyperactive toddler to find out for sure.
We called our attorney, and we called our adoption worker. And at 3:00, our attorney said that he called the woman at the clerk's office at 2:45 who said she was on the phone and would call him back, but he was leaving at 3:30 so he hoped she called before then. Super.
Nothing at 3:30, so Alan walked to the courthouse again and talked to the clerk's office. Still nothing. As he was leaving, he got a call from the adoption worker, who was able to at least shed *some* light on the situation. Apparently there is some discrepancy about a piece of paperwork called an addendum to the petition. i don't know if that means that our attorney didn't file the addendum and it's needed, or if there was something wrong with it, or what exactly. We certainly didn't find any of this out from our attorney, who didn't work past 3:30. However everyone seems to think it can be resolved first thing on Tuesday.
So as of now, we are to report to the courthouse at 9:00 am on Tuesday morning. i fear that we'll be last on the docket because of this, and therefore it may be lunchtime before we go before the judge (and 3 hours trying to amuse a very active toddler makes me shudder, but we'll survive, somehow...), but at least it seems *pretty sure* to happen.
But boy, i am so over this attorney.
We called our attorney, and we called our adoption worker. And at 3:00, our attorney said that he called the woman at the clerk's office at 2:45 who said she was on the phone and would call him back, but he was leaving at 3:30 so he hoped she called before then. Super.
Nothing at 3:30, so Alan walked to the courthouse again and talked to the clerk's office. Still nothing. As he was leaving, he got a call from the adoption worker, who was able to at least shed *some* light on the situation. Apparently there is some discrepancy about a piece of paperwork called an addendum to the petition. i don't know if that means that our attorney didn't file the addendum and it's needed, or if there was something wrong with it, or what exactly. We certainly didn't find any of this out from our attorney, who didn't work past 3:30. However everyone seems to think it can be resolved first thing on Tuesday.
So as of now, we are to report to the courthouse at 9:00 am on Tuesday morning. i fear that we'll be last on the docket because of this, and therefore it may be lunchtime before we go before the judge (and 3 hours trying to amuse a very active toddler makes me shudder, but we'll survive, somehow...), but at least it seems *pretty sure* to happen.
But boy, i am so over this attorney.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Still nothing
Ugh! i was really hoping we'd find something out by now! She had told someone (i forget if it was our attorney or adoption social worker) that she would look at the file today, so Alan shook the tree today, but still no answer.
There is actually a court date tomorrow. Ridiculous really, IF we finalize Tuesday, but now i'm grateful for it. It's a permanency hearing, at this point basically just a regularly scheduled periodic update to make sure the case is still progressing. It seemed pretty silly to have it 1 business day before the adoption lol, but now we'll hope the magistrate asks what's going on and Alan (i'm not going) will be able to say that the court clerk hasn't told us if we'll be finalizing Tuesday or not. And maybe, just maybe, the magistrate will be able to tell us.
Sadly, it's already too late for my sister to be able to come. She doesn't want to take the day off from work if it's not for sure (she's asking for a raise lol), and her boss is off tomorrow and Monday. So, no go for her. She is going to come up for a day trip Monday though, so that should be fun. She's so sweet to come all the way here to visit.
There is actually a court date tomorrow. Ridiculous really, IF we finalize Tuesday, but now i'm grateful for it. It's a permanency hearing, at this point basically just a regularly scheduled periodic update to make sure the case is still progressing. It seemed pretty silly to have it 1 business day before the adoption lol, but now we'll hope the magistrate asks what's going on and Alan (i'm not going) will be able to say that the court clerk hasn't told us if we'll be finalizing Tuesday or not. And maybe, just maybe, the magistrate will be able to tell us.
Sadly, it's already too late for my sister to be able to come. She doesn't want to take the day off from work if it's not for sure (she's asking for a raise lol), and her boss is off tomorrow and Monday. So, no go for her. She is going to come up for a day trip Monday though, so that should be fun. She's so sweet to come all the way here to visit.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Nothing to report
Alas. We thought today we would find out for sure if the adoption date is still 7/6, but apparently the woman at the county clerk's office was too busy to look at our file today. And since today was the deadline, if it's not all there, then we don't have time to fix it and will have to wait until August.
It's probably irrational but i have this fear that it will be my fault we don't finalize. i remember the attorney saying he would need a copy of my divorce decree from the first marriage, and i said it should be in the file with the homestudy. He said something like, "Okay, we'll take care of it, and if we need anything, we'll let you know." Which no one let me know anything, but i put it out of my mind and only thought about it late last night. Needless to say i won't be sleeping much until i know that it's all done!
It's probably irrational but i have this fear that it will be my fault we don't finalize. i remember the attorney saying he would need a copy of my divorce decree from the first marriage, and i said it should be in the file with the homestudy. He said something like, "Okay, we'll take care of it, and if we need anything, we'll let you know." Which no one let me know anything, but i put it out of my mind and only thought about it late last night. Needless to say i won't be sleeping much until i know that it's all done!
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