Sort of depressed

Some of it for no real reason, some of it because i'm in a lot of endo pain, some of it for good reason. So we'll skip the first two and move on to the real reason.

i think the reflux is still causing D a lot of problems, only now it's earlier in the day when she doesn't have as much medication in her system. Which is also the time in the day when she's at daycare and there's nothing significant that i can do about it. Aaaaaaah!

For a while there, D had been eating 15 oz of formula at daycare. Which is about 45% of her daily formula intake, so not too bad. She eats disproportionately more in the evenings with me, but i think that's because i just sit with her and work through the back arching and the grunting and the pushing of the bottle out of her mouth with her hands. Alan probably doesn't have time in the mornings and daycare doesn't know how.

Okay, so 15 oz at daycare is good. But the last week or so, she's been eating more like 10-12 oz of formula at daycare. Not as good, because i've noticed if she doesn't get enough food in her during the day, she'll add a night feeding by waking up. She wakes up once a night every night, which we can handle, but it's more difficult if she's waking 2-3 times a night. So i try to keep her up later to finish those last few ounces, which isn't always so great, to say the least. (As an aside, she is currently fast asleep in her jumperoo, where i put her to KEEP HER AWAKE lol).

So, again, 15 oz at daycare is good. 10-12 is not so good, but has been happening lately. Today, she ate 5. Five whole whopping stinking ounces in a 7.5 hour period. i seriously want to cry, because i know that means more night wakings. And i tried to keep her awake, but as you can tell from my previous comment, that didn't work so well.

i really don't know what to do. Daycare can't add cereal to her bottle legally (state law), which is what i do when it's bad at night. Pedi thinks it will get better as she eats more solids, but she hates cereal with a spoon. Weird, since she gets tons of it in bottles. i started cheating and tried fruits and veggies mixed in, which i REALLY didn't want to do until she was AT LEAST 5 months, preferably 6 months. But again, i don't know what to do! This is the stuff that makes parenting hard! These little decisions that seem so big. Anyway, she doesn't like bananas, she doesn't like avocado. She likes squash. Yeah, squash. Little weirdo lol. So i mix squash in with formula and cereal and she'll eat like 6 or 8 bites, which isn't so bad but really isn't going to do a lot of good just yet.

So, the only thing i know to try is to have daycare feed her some solids also. Which means mixing it up the night before with the bottles. And i'll call the pedi tomorrow to see what she suggests. i thought the Prevacid had been working so well, and it has, but apparently only at night.

That, hormones, and pain ad up to a tearful fred. Who dreads waking a million times tonight. And who really wonders how long a baby can sleep slumped over a jumperoo. But then, i've fallen asleep at punk rock concerts, so who am i to judge?

Waving hello to the "4 month wakeful"

i really don't know if that's a technical term or even a real phenomenon, or just some myth perpetuated by internet mommy sites, but if it's real, i think we're saying hello to it, starting last night. D woke up 5 times last night, waking twice before 3:30 (not sure the times because my perfect husband took those) and then 3 times between 3:30 and 5:45 am. Wonderful! She ate 5 ounces the first waking, 3, the second, 2 the third, and on the fourth we performed a magic trick by turning a 5 ounce bottle of formula into an expensive pacifier. We gots talent!

It *could* be a reaction to too much fun in the sun yesterday. We put her hat on, but she still had a little bit of rosy cheeks, not a real burn but i still feel bad for her :(. We spent about an hour that felt like a year at a pumpkin patch. Gentry Farm is an old working farm in Franklin, TN, and let me tell you, it is the Disneyland of pumpkin patches! Holy mackinoly there were a lot of people there! It took full-on 45 minutes to get out of the parking lot! D slept 3 1/2 hours after we left lol. But we got a lot of gorgeous pictures that ONE DAY i hope to be able to put on the internet. Sigh.

i also took some really cute video of her doing the 2 newest tricks. The first is learning to sit. She has been tripod sitting for a while now, but has now decided it's more fun to try to balance (and then fall over lol), but she can do a few seconds at a time unsupported. And the other is playing with one of her new favorite toys: a stand-up play table! It's not actually her toy; we gave it to our friend Jenny's son Jake when he was diagnosed with William's Syndrome. William's is a spontaneous genetic mutation that causes some pretty serious problems, including heart problems, joint problems, and reduced IQ (luckily Jenny and her husband Dave are super smart -- they even beat Alan and me at Trivia Pursuit once, so you know they're practically geniuses -- which is in Jake's favor). One of the things kids with WS often excel at is music, so we got him a musical play table. Jenny just loaned it back to us as Jake has outgrown it and D is growing into it. We thought we'd have to take the legs off and put it on the ground for a while, but nope! D is already standing at it and using it for support. i'm a little worried that my joke about her walking by Christmas isn't going to end up being much of a joke. Keep Jake in your thoughts and prayers since he just went through heart surgery last week. He was released from the hospital today and is recuperating in a hotel with Jenny and David until he can go back home later this week. Such a cute little trouper!

The bright side to days like this

Poor D! We had a medication malfunction today. Not really a big deal in the long run, but it sucks for her and she definitely paid the consequences.

D is currently on Zantac 2x a day (morning and night) and Prevacid once daily (night). i make up the bottles, including the medication bottles, each night, and usually i do something really obvious to differentiate the Zantac bottles from the Prevacid bottle. i'll put them in different types of bottle, or put rubber bands of different colors on the lids, or something like that Last night i put lids on 2 bottles and no lid on one bottle, specifically because we didn't have enough lids for the 5 daycare bottles and the 3 medication bottles. i put one Zantac bottle (lid) off to the left and the other 2 bottles together on the right, thinking it would be obvious that they were grouped morning and night. Plus the lid thing...

Alan gets up with D after i leave for work in the mornings, and gives her morning Zantac. But when i got home, both bottles in the fridge had lids. He'd given the Prevacid early, and no Zantac in the morning. i couldn't give her 2 doses of Zantac, so i just gave her one. And what a difference one dose makes!

All the issues we'd been having over the last couple of months that had gotten so much better in the last couple of weeks returned with a vengeance tonight. Poor D cried, screamed really, for over an hour tonight and just couldn't be comforted. She was hungry, but the bottle hurt her. i added so much cereal that she couldn't get it out of the nipple (even after changing to a big fat holed nipple), and it still didn't help. She just screamed and screamed, and i sang as loud as i could to try to calm her, calm myself, etc.

She's currently conked out on the changing pad. It's her bedtime, but i know that she's several ounces short of a full day's food and i risk having her fall wake multiple times in the middle of the night. i woke for the day this morning with her at 4:30 am, and i really don't want a repeat, nor do i want Alan to have to suffer. He probably already suffered enough at my rude text message (sorry, sweetie!). And my throat started hurting this afternoon and i'm afraid i'm going to get sick again. The problem with having a compromised immune system and an infant in daycare is that i'm going to get all of her sniffles, even the ones she never really gets. Sigh.

So, back to the subject of this blog post. The good news about this horrible evening is that i now am totally confident that those previous issues were, in fact, due to reflux and not just some baby "witching hour" or fighting bedtime or a preview of her teenage years lol. There may be some of that mixed in, but clearly the bulk of it is the reflux. Poor, poor baby D!

Twelve little baby legs

Here's some more AW'ing for you: i made some really cute "baby legs." Baby legs are basically leggings, or legwarmers, for babies. They're kind of silly and trendy, but also cute. And they make pee pee diaper changes easier. The idea is that they are like pants without the part around the butt or crotch, just thigh high legwarmers. If the baby is wearing a onesie, they are covered. And as they are learning to crawl, they're helpful. And did i mention they're cute?

Someone on an internet group i go to posted this site on how to make babylegs out of women's knee high socks. And Alan and i went shopping for D (details on our shopping trip to come), and happened past the women's socks, and i saw these. i got two 3-packs of socks (hence some of the plain Jane ones), and one extra pair of black and white Halloween-ish socks. i only ruined one pair in learning so we now have 6 pairs of Baby Legs.

Now for the pathetic details. My in-laws came into town again this weekend and offered to babysit for us. Which was actually sad because there was nothing we really wanted to do, and we both enjoy hanging out together with D. The only thing we do regularly that we can't do with her is going to the movies (too loud for new ears). And there really weren't any great movies out that we wanted to see. We ended up going to a 2:30 matinee of "The Invention of Lying", which looked great but fell flat. Several feet short in my opinion.

After the movie, we didn't want to go right home, so we grabbed dinner. At 4:45. Yeah, i did say pathetic. And, we finished dinner before 5:00 (we just went to Baja Burrito which is like a made-to-order assembly-line taco stand, so no waiting for food to cook), and felt really dorky. So we went to our favorite place... Target. And we spent our first date in a month, second date since the baby, shopping for... the baby. But, we really did have fun and there's not much we'd rather do, so there you have it.

By the way, those Baby Leg things take seriously not even 10 minutes a pair. And they turned out great! i'm going to sew the seam up a wee bit more (bigger seam allowance) on one of the black-and-white legs so that one black thing at the seam isn't as fat. Otherwise, i'm extremely pleased, so if you have a sewing machine and a baby, you should totally go for it!

Just a post about nothing in particular

i'm pretty stupid tonight. Not sure why. i think my husband took "the brain" without asking. We always joke that we share a brain, and apparently he's a giant hog tonight.

i've made plenty of mistakes tonight, but the big ones are that i nearly gave myself a heart attack over formula, and i forgot to wash my pants. First, the formula. D eats formula, obviously, and she seems to do better on Ready-to-Feed formula versus powder. But RTF is very expensive, so we found we can mix them. i make her formula up in a big jug at night, and normally do 2 cups powder and 2 1/4 cup RTF. Lately, she's been eating more, and she's doing better on her reflux meds, so i decided to try 2 1/4 cups powder and 2 cups RTF. That worked yesterday, and today i upped it all the way to 2 1/2 cups powder and 2 cups RTF (so there's a little extra since she eats more).

When you make formula from powder, you measure the water out, and then you add the powder. 1 scoop of powder for 2 oz of water. There are 8 ounces in a cup, so 2 cups of water is 16 ounces so you'd use 8 scoops of powder. Which i have been doing. Tonight i was measuring 1/2 cup extra, and for some reason i totally forgot 8 oz in a cup and thought it was 16. Which means i should have been giving her twice as much powder scops as i have been. Unbelievable! So i nearly had a complete heart attack. i literally almost fell over. And when i realized i hadn't been seriously undernourishing my girl, i cried a little.

The other stupid me story is that i need to wash my jeans. D Vesuvius'd all over me tonight. So i did a load of laundry and meant to remove my pants and throw them in. Nope. So now i have to do another load just for the jeans. Ugh! Okay, that's not as bad but i still don't like it.

Sleep well everybody!

OH! And her breathing is improved!

It's hard to tell for sure when i live with her every day, but the pedi noticed immediately that her breathing is doing a lot better. More evidence that the reflux really is improving :).

In sad news, D's brother was just diagnosed with asthma :(. Hopefully that won't happen with D, but it's very common in premature kids (and D most likely was slightly premature, though there was no prenatal care so who knows, right) and drug-exposed kids, so we're pretty much expecting it sooner or later. Hopefully later.

4 month appointment

D had her 4 month appointment today (shots included, bah). She took the shots like a champ, only a bit of crying, and was in a good mood the rest of the day and evening.

The pedi was really happy with her development, especially her milestones. Her weight is now 12 pounds, 3 ounces, and her length is 23 inches. That puts her almost to 25% in weight but still only around 5% in length (kind of reversed from previously where she was longer than tall by % standards). i forget her head circumference number, but she was in the 75% there. Her brother has a ginormous head, but he's totally healthy. So it's not surprising, but the good news is she doesn't LOOK disproportionate lol.

Pedi said we did the right thing switching back from the Alimentum to the Similac Sensitive RS. And she's been eating way more the last several days, too. Not just more than she was during the ill-fated switch, but more than she did before we tried giving her Alimentum. She's probably eating the 32 oz that most kids her age are eating, which is incredible since she's always eaten so little. In the last week or so, i'm really starting to think the Prevacid is helping more than i used to think, so that's awesome.

Pedi also said to start solids. Start slowly, with cereal (which she'd previously suggested we start by spoon), and start veggies in a few weeks. Said kids with reflux do so much better once they start solids, so we'll take the risk of starting solids earlier than the 6 months currently recommended by the AAP. Her brother didn't have any allergies to solids so we'll take that as a positive sign. And, D does like cereal by a spoon, but she only likes it warm (whereas she actually prefers her bottle chilled).