W00t! Alan gave me my birthday presents early so i can play with them all weekend! i got:
A torch (heheheheh stay back you blog stalker trolls) - we call it the Skinny Boy
7 g of silver clay PMC3 (which is teeny teeny tiny!)
12 g of silver clay PMC3 slip (looks like cake icing tube, for making designs)
Stainless steel wire brush
And a very stinky container of Liver of Sulfur for making patinas
Also found out there's another bead store in town, so we may go to that today as well. It's still wet and icky out for the bajillionth day in a row, which sucks because i'm desperate to see Sunny! But i'll probably survive.
OK, so got on the Wii Fit this morning to do some yoga (after skipping exercise last night - uh oh) and it says i have 0.9 pounds to go! Of course that doesn't include the 2 pounds i said my clothes weighed or the evil scale factor, but it's still pretty exciting! i wonder if i can maybe splurge just a teeny bit this weekend and get a spoonful of cheese dip or something...
Pics later of my "amazing" silversmithing lol.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Weight Loss Update
i've lost 25 pounds! Woot! Of course, i still have the extra few pounds to lose before Wednesday, but i'm on my way.
i found out that i severely underestimated the number of calories burned during exercise in the post a couple of days ago. Probably because i'm so heavy. i would have thought FitDay would take that into consideration, but apparently not. So i could actually make my goal, though i'm not quite holding my breath for it. Still, i'll give it my all.
But man, even my blisters have blisters! My work shoes (Dr. Martens with air cushion insole, but apparently not cushion enough) are NOT good for walking 2 miles at a fast clip. Not thrilled at all. On the plus side, i did 30DS again last night and managed to survive without being completely sore today. i'm even thinking about doing it again. And this is after 15 minutes of yoga first thing this morning (i would have done more but that extra 30 minutes early waking up was too much and i hit snooze) and a 2 mile walk at work. i am kicking azz!
i found out that i severely underestimated the number of calories burned during exercise in the post a couple of days ago. Probably because i'm so heavy. i would have thought FitDay would take that into consideration, but apparently not. So i could actually make my goal, though i'm not quite holding my breath for it. Still, i'll give it my all.
But man, even my blisters have blisters! My work shoes (Dr. Martens with air cushion insole, but apparently not cushion enough) are NOT good for walking 2 miles at a fast clip. Not thrilled at all. On the plus side, i did 30DS again last night and managed to survive without being completely sore today. i'm even thinking about doing it again. And this is after 15 minutes of yoga first thing this morning (i would have done more but that extra 30 minutes early waking up was too much and i hit snooze) and a 2 mile walk at work. i am kicking azz!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Thank goodness this day is half over!
This has not been what I would call a good day. I know part of it, maybe most of it, is that it’s the week before Mother’s Day (aka Doomsday, aka my birthday). It’s been a tough week the last few years and this year is no exception.
It started out with one of my coworkers doing something… not brilliant. I don’t like to vent too much about work on this blog in case it were ever to be seen by coworkers, but I can’t help it today. This is a coworker I’ve had some issues with in the past, who is a bit… temperamental. So that kind of ticked me off because of course I had to help clean it up.
This morning one of my coworkers passed out cards to all the ladies. Mother’s Day cards. It’s so incredibly sweet. One of the people who just retired, a man I used to work with, who moved back to California after retiring, mailed one coworker a whole stack of cards to give out, individually signed and everything. It’s really sweet and thoughtful, and he even thought of me, but it just stang because it reminded me of my failures. I’d hoped to make it through the work week before the Mother’s Day pain started, but alas.
So I had just finished wiping the tears from the corner of my eyes and getting back to where I can focus on work, when my bumbling coworker asked me to do something related to the mistake she made. I wasn’t really short with her or anything. I just answered her question and turned back to my monitor and continued working because I don’t want her to see that I’m upset. Believe me, she would not make things better if I talked to her about it. She’s the “just relax” type. The one who told me adoption was horrible and she couldn’t believe women would just “give their babies away like that”.
Then about 45 minutes after the original cards were passed out, another is passed out from the same man, this one is ONE card for all of us, with our names handprinted and everything. Again, very sweet, but there goes sting number 2 of the morning.
Next thing my bumbling coworker asks me something else, and I don’t think I was short with her, but she accused me of being short with her. Like I have time to deal with her own neuroses on top of my own this week!
So then at 11 I called Alan as I usually do, and he didn’t answer. He called back a few minutes later, and I heard noise in the background. I asked where he was, and he said, “Megan and I are at the restaurant waiting for our table”, reminding me that I’d forgotten he was having lunch with a friend of his/ours. Megan is someone I went to elementary school with before I moved, and only remember a little bit, but he was friends with her all through high school and college and still is today. I’m totally all over happy about their friendship, and I wish they’d get together more often actually (same with his other girl friends).
Another thing about Megan. She’s had infertility problems, too. I worked with her briefly for a while a little over a year ago, and I know she and her husband were ttc, but we didn’t talk about it too much. I also know she’s Catholic and against any fertility treatments. She has PCOS but said she wouldn’t even try Clomid. For which I always felt kind of sorry for her. I was a little afraid of how to approach the subject of our upcoming IVF with her, and told Alan to please not mention it to her at lunch today because I know she’s against it.
And then, he said it. “Megan has news.” I knew. “She’s 16 weeks.” All I could do is stammer through “that’s great” and “I won’t keep you from your lunch.” I hope Alan’s okay. I have a feeling he’s just as he should be, happy for her. I suck.
Is there really hope that I can make it through the next 3 ½ work days? I wish I had some vacation time to take! I know I should be nothing but happy for Megan, and I am, but I’m also bitter and jealous and sad for me. I hope beyond hope that this will be the last Mother’s Day where I’m not really a mother. Where I remember thinking every year for many, many years “Maybe next year I can celebrate.” But I fear, very deeply, that it won’t.
It started out with one of my coworkers doing something… not brilliant. I don’t like to vent too much about work on this blog in case it were ever to be seen by coworkers, but I can’t help it today. This is a coworker I’ve had some issues with in the past, who is a bit… temperamental. So that kind of ticked me off because of course I had to help clean it up.
This morning one of my coworkers passed out cards to all the ladies. Mother’s Day cards. It’s so incredibly sweet. One of the people who just retired, a man I used to work with, who moved back to California after retiring, mailed one coworker a whole stack of cards to give out, individually signed and everything. It’s really sweet and thoughtful, and he even thought of me, but it just stang because it reminded me of my failures. I’d hoped to make it through the work week before the Mother’s Day pain started, but alas.
So I had just finished wiping the tears from the corner of my eyes and getting back to where I can focus on work, when my bumbling coworker asked me to do something related to the mistake she made. I wasn’t really short with her or anything. I just answered her question and turned back to my monitor and continued working because I don’t want her to see that I’m upset. Believe me, she would not make things better if I talked to her about it. She’s the “just relax” type. The one who told me adoption was horrible and she couldn’t believe women would just “give their babies away like that”.
Then about 45 minutes after the original cards were passed out, another is passed out from the same man, this one is ONE card for all of us, with our names handprinted and everything. Again, very sweet, but there goes sting number 2 of the morning.
Next thing my bumbling coworker asks me something else, and I don’t think I was short with her, but she accused me of being short with her. Like I have time to deal with her own neuroses on top of my own this week!
So then at 11 I called Alan as I usually do, and he didn’t answer. He called back a few minutes later, and I heard noise in the background. I asked where he was, and he said, “Megan and I are at the restaurant waiting for our table”, reminding me that I’d forgotten he was having lunch with a friend of his/ours. Megan is someone I went to elementary school with before I moved, and only remember a little bit, but he was friends with her all through high school and college and still is today. I’m totally all over happy about their friendship, and I wish they’d get together more often actually (same with his other girl friends).
Another thing about Megan. She’s had infertility problems, too. I worked with her briefly for a while a little over a year ago, and I know she and her husband were ttc, but we didn’t talk about it too much. I also know she’s Catholic and against any fertility treatments. She has PCOS but said she wouldn’t even try Clomid. For which I always felt kind of sorry for her. I was a little afraid of how to approach the subject of our upcoming IVF with her, and told Alan to please not mention it to her at lunch today because I know she’s against it.
And then, he said it. “Megan has news.” I knew. “She’s 16 weeks.” All I could do is stammer through “that’s great” and “I won’t keep you from your lunch.” I hope Alan’s okay. I have a feeling he’s just as he should be, happy for her. I suck.
Is there really hope that I can make it through the next 3 ½ work days? I wish I had some vacation time to take! I know I should be nothing but happy for Megan, and I am, but I’m also bitter and jealous and sad for me. I hope beyond hope that this will be the last Mother’s Day where I’m not really a mother. Where I remember thinking every year for many, many years “Maybe next year I can celebrate.” But I fear, very deeply, that it won’t.
Monday, May 4, 2009
If You Over-Analyze As Much As i Do
You may just enjoy this blog entry. If you hate math, just go ahead and skip it. Trust me.
So I was bored at work and decided to see if it’s even theoretically possible to lose the 4-5 pounds I need to lose before the appointment. So I decided to figure out first how many calories total I’ll need to burn.
There’s 3500 calories in a pound. I need to lose 5 pounds, so that’s 17,500 calories right there. Then there’s the food I’ll eat between now and then. Let’s say 5850 calories (and yes, I realize that’s insanely low), for a total of 23,350 calories I need to burn to lose 5 pounds.
On the other side of the equation are the calories I can hope to actually burn. My basal metabolism is probably around 1870 calories per day * 9 days for a total of 16,830. That’s how much I burn just sitting around at my desk at work and sleeping, etc. If I walk at work every work day, and twice on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, that should be about 100 calories each time (it’s about 2 miles in distance), for a total of 1000 calories walking. Then if I do an exercise video every evening at 163 calories each (which is what Fitday.com says an aerobic video burns, but not sure how accurate that is), that adds up to 1467 calories. And if I somehow fit in 4 sessions of yoga, that will be 520 calories. For a grand total of 19,817 calories burned. Which is conspicuously less than the 23,350 calories I need to burn. In fact, it’s right about 3533 calories less, or just over a pound. Which means the most I can possibly burn, if I stick closely to the plan, is about 4 pounds, not 5.
The good news is that I should be able to lose some “extra” weight in water weight by not eating or drinking the morning of the appointment and possibly taking a water pill or laxative the night before. Ick, but I’m desperate enough to do it. Oh, yeah, and the big haircut lol.
So, I still have hope, but not much. I also hope that today’s weight is improved over yesterday’s. Which would give me a slight advantage over these numbers. S.L.I.G.H.T.
So I was bored at work and decided to see if it’s even theoretically possible to lose the 4-5 pounds I need to lose before the appointment. So I decided to figure out first how many calories total I’ll need to burn.
There’s 3500 calories in a pound. I need to lose 5 pounds, so that’s 17,500 calories right there. Then there’s the food I’ll eat between now and then. Let’s say 5850 calories (and yes, I realize that’s insanely low), for a total of 23,350 calories I need to burn to lose 5 pounds.
On the other side of the equation are the calories I can hope to actually burn. My basal metabolism is probably around 1870 calories per day * 9 days for a total of 16,830. That’s how much I burn just sitting around at my desk at work and sleeping, etc. If I walk at work every work day, and twice on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, that should be about 100 calories each time (it’s about 2 miles in distance), for a total of 1000 calories walking. Then if I do an exercise video every evening at 163 calories each (which is what Fitday.com says an aerobic video burns, but not sure how accurate that is), that adds up to 1467 calories. And if I somehow fit in 4 sessions of yoga, that will be 520 calories. For a grand total of 19,817 calories burned. Which is conspicuously less than the 23,350 calories I need to burn. In fact, it’s right about 3533 calories less, or just over a pound. Which means the most I can possibly burn, if I stick closely to the plan, is about 4 pounds, not 5.
The good news is that I should be able to lose some “extra” weight in water weight by not eating or drinking the morning of the appointment and possibly taking a water pill or laxative the night before. Ick, but I’m desperate enough to do it. Oh, yeah, and the big haircut lol.
So, I still have hope, but not much. I also hope that today’s weight is improved over yesterday’s. Which would give me a slight advantage over these numbers. S.L.I.G.H.T.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Now this just isn't fair
i'm taking these birth control pills that give me migraines (which thankfully have stopped a few days ago), because it should improve my endometriosis pain.
Only, now, i'm having the pain. i don't know why. i can't be ovulating, but the pain is just like i were (and the timing is the same as i'm now halfway through my cycle).
This just isn't fair.
As for exercise, this morning i did the 30 Day Shred (level 1). Wow, they're not kidding when they say it's tough and i don't have hand weights so i only used bottled water, and it was still tough. Bet it's awesome for my back though. Now i'm going to go do some Wii Fit yoga and probably some other stuff. i'm going to try to do one big thing and one small thing for exercise each day now. At work i can walk the length of the plant, which is HUGE, and then either go to the gym or come home and do a video. Assuming i'm not writhing in pain for the next week or so.
Only, now, i'm having the pain. i don't know why. i can't be ovulating, but the pain is just like i were (and the timing is the same as i'm now halfway through my cycle).
This just isn't fair.
As for exercise, this morning i did the 30 Day Shred (level 1). Wow, they're not kidding when they say it's tough and i don't have hand weights so i only used bottled water, and it was still tough. Bet it's awesome for my back though. Now i'm going to go do some Wii Fit yoga and probably some other stuff. i'm going to try to do one big thing and one small thing for exercise each day now. At work i can walk the length of the plant, which is HUGE, and then either go to the gym or come home and do a video. Assuming i'm not writhing in pain for the next week or so.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Tired!
Today i woke up early, mostly because i somehow managed to fall asleep at 6:30 pm last night(!), and did "The Biggest Loser" weight loss yoga. Alan and i went to SATCO and i had absolutely no cheese dip (yay), and then went shopping for new books, lotion, and fabric. Then i did another "Biggest Loser" video (this time boot camp) before watching the Derby.
When i weighed myself, it said i lost 2.8 pounds since yesterday (but yesterday i was up 1.5 pounds). i now have 5.1 pounds to lose before the 13th. Still yikes, but maybe i can get there. Maybe. (Or close enough anyway)
When i weighed myself, it said i lost 2.8 pounds since yesterday (but yesterday i was up 1.5 pounds). i now have 5.1 pounds to lose before the 13th. Still yikes, but maybe i can get there. Maybe. (Or close enough anyway)
IVF Consult = May 13
Yikes! i made Alan call because i was so chickenshit, and i thought it would take 3-4 weeks to get an appointment. Nope. i don't know if it's the bad economy or what, but it was just under 2 weeks. There's no way i'll make my weight loss goal by then, but i'm going to die trying. Quite possibly literally.
And i'll have to forego birthday cake, as my 34th birthday is May 10. Also known as Mother's Day. Also known as the doom's day.
And i'll have to forego birthday cake, as my 34th birthday is May 10. Also known as Mother's Day. Also known as the doom's day.
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