i am so far beyond the edge of the daycare cliff tonight.
As you probably know, we've had problems for a long time with them feeding D enough formula during the day. Which is understandable because she IS difficult to feed. But my big issue is they don't call me, and then i pick her up and there's no way to make up for it, and the poor girl wakes hungry several times a night. This is the third such situation.
The last time, they told me i had to call them daily to check on her. i have to work, obviously, and i have meetings, and it's difficult. After they said that, they backed off a couple of days later when DH talked to them and again promised to call me. Part of the confusion is my employer: i work at a manufacturing plant and many employees can't get personal phone calls. i work in the offices and have a direct line, so that's not a problem. They again promised to call me if she doesn't eat well.
We changed her schedule so they feed her one solids meal (~4-4 oz) and one solids snack (~2-2.5 oz) and one bottle (8 oz). We sent an "emergency" solid pack (~4 oz) with instructions that if she eats less than 6 oz of the formula, to feed her the solids and to call me.
Today, she ate 2.5 oz of the formula. 2.5 oz!!! They didn't call, either; instead they fed her HALF of the emergency solids. i got her home and had a really hard time keeping her awake to feed her bottle, which she finished at the sacrifice of her nap, which was totally skipped. She ate dinner, had a bath, and by the time i gave her the bedtime bottle, she was dead to the world and only ate 3 oz. i think i'm going to break the cardinal rule and half-wake her to feed a bottle, or at least a few more oz, around 10:00 in hopes she doesn't wake 4-5 times tonight like she has the last 2 nights.
So tomorrow i make a call to the GI doc and the regular pedi, and start looking for a new daycare. i just don't think we can do this for the next 3 months until she's "weaned" off formula. i'm just in tears tonight, and i think my dogs are scared of me because as soon as i put D to bed, i screamed and kicked the crap out of one of the dog's food bowls. He was less than pleased, i can tell you.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Parenting is the Opposite of Pet Ownership!
The more i read about being the kind of parent i want to be, the more i realize i have SO much to learn! And the more i realize that pet ownership, in particular dog training, is actually counterproductive to that goal.
First, what kind of parent do i want to be? Well, i would prefer to focus on what gifts i hope to give my children. What i want for my kids is for them to be individuals who are confident, creative, and empathetic and sensitive as adults. i tend to worry far too much about what others think of me, whether i am liked, and in particular about what authority figures think of me. The idea of disappointing my parents kept me from a lot of things that could have been good and could have been bad, but could have been MINE. For example, i didn't live in the kind of home in college and after college because i didn't want to disappoint them. i never did get that nose ring i've wanted since i was 13. i didn't go to the kind of college i wanted to go to because my parents told me i couldn't leave the state. i married the wrong man (my first husband) too early because i felt some internal pressure to do so (all my brothers and sisters were married and had kids already by this point; of course they're all 5+ years older than i!), and i stayed in that marriage far too long because i feared what my family thought of me "giving up" (despite the fact that 2 of my sisters were divorced and remarried!). i worry about praise at work, and when i don't get it, i burn out quickly. My parents were wonderful in so many ways, but i think this is a direct result of both my personality and my parents' parenting of me. Needless to say, i don't desire this for my kids.
A lot of what i've been reading, from authors like Alfie Kohn and Lawrence Cohen and Adele Faber/Elaine Mazlish, propose that this is too often a result of parents, perhaps innocently, using value judgments around their kids. Instead of saying, "i'm proud of you" (which puts the emphasis on what the parent feels -- pride over the child's actions -- instead of what the child feels -- pride over accomplishing something difficult or doing the "right" thing), one is encouraged to say, "i bet you're proud of yourself" (which puts the emphasis on what the child feels while giving it a name so the child can recognize it, and encourages the child to seek out actions that cause similar feelings of pride rather than simply seeking out praise from the parents and teachers). Instead of saying, "Good job!" (which is a value judgment, perhaps it's positive but it's still a value judgment as much as saying "Bad job" is), one is encouraged to ask questions, like "How did you figure out how to make the tree look so real?"
Now, some may disagree with this style of parenting (here i go again trying not to piss anyone off), or may think it goes too far (and probably it can), but it makes a lot of sense to me, probably because i DON'T have the traits i want for my kids. But as a long-time pet owner and sometimes dog trainer, i CAN tell you that positive praise is pretty much the staple of dog training. As a praise and approval junkie (both giving and receiving), i can tell you that this is not going to be an easy transition for me!
First, what kind of parent do i want to be? Well, i would prefer to focus on what gifts i hope to give my children. What i want for my kids is for them to be individuals who are confident, creative, and empathetic and sensitive as adults. i tend to worry far too much about what others think of me, whether i am liked, and in particular about what authority figures think of me. The idea of disappointing my parents kept me from a lot of things that could have been good and could have been bad, but could have been MINE. For example, i didn't live in the kind of home in college and after college because i didn't want to disappoint them. i never did get that nose ring i've wanted since i was 13. i didn't go to the kind of college i wanted to go to because my parents told me i couldn't leave the state. i married the wrong man (my first husband) too early because i felt some internal pressure to do so (all my brothers and sisters were married and had kids already by this point; of course they're all 5+ years older than i!), and i stayed in that marriage far too long because i feared what my family thought of me "giving up" (despite the fact that 2 of my sisters were divorced and remarried!). i worry about praise at work, and when i don't get it, i burn out quickly. My parents were wonderful in so many ways, but i think this is a direct result of both my personality and my parents' parenting of me. Needless to say, i don't desire this for my kids.
A lot of what i've been reading, from authors like Alfie Kohn and Lawrence Cohen and Adele Faber/Elaine Mazlish, propose that this is too often a result of parents, perhaps innocently, using value judgments around their kids. Instead of saying, "i'm proud of you" (which puts the emphasis on what the parent feels -- pride over the child's actions -- instead of what the child feels -- pride over accomplishing something difficult or doing the "right" thing), one is encouraged to say, "i bet you're proud of yourself" (which puts the emphasis on what the child feels while giving it a name so the child can recognize it, and encourages the child to seek out actions that cause similar feelings of pride rather than simply seeking out praise from the parents and teachers). Instead of saying, "Good job!" (which is a value judgment, perhaps it's positive but it's still a value judgment as much as saying "Bad job" is), one is encouraged to ask questions, like "How did you figure out how to make the tree look so real?"
Now, some may disagree with this style of parenting (here i go again trying not to piss anyone off), or may think it goes too far (and probably it can), but it makes a lot of sense to me, probably because i DON'T have the traits i want for my kids. But as a long-time pet owner and sometimes dog trainer, i CAN tell you that positive praise is pretty much the staple of dog training. As a praise and approval junkie (both giving and receiving), i can tell you that this is not going to be an easy transition for me!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Such a little comedienne
Tonight in her bath, D was saying "Dada", which is different from her usual babbling of "dadadada". i said, "Can you say 'mama'?" "Dada." "Not 'dada'; 'mama'." "Dada" followed by peals of the most beautiful laughter in the world. It's like wedding bells.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Now for the good stuff
D said her first word today!!!! It was at the doctor's office, and she looked at a picture of a baby on the door of the exam room and waved. i waved and said, "Let's wave 'hi' to the baby" and she waved again and said, "Hi!" So cute!
Pedi was thrilled with her weight (19 pounds, 10 oz) and everything, but made DH sad by saying that D will probably be pretty short when she grows up. LOL like it matters (but i guess when you're 6'4" tall you don't really want a super-short kid; might make for awkward hugs and such).
We also told pedi about D signing for potty. This was the first time EC came up in conversation, and she seemed blown away. She was happy that D is communicating so well and doing well with the gentle potty learning. So yay!
And to top it off, i just felt a tooth! i can see it, too. Sweet girl has been not eating solids as well today, and i guess i know why, though. Hopefully she'll get some relief now that it's cutting through the gum. The other bottom one should be up soon, and i suspect the top ones are also through the bone and on their way down the gums (the 2 middle ones top and bottom, that is; lots of other teeth to go though).
Pedi was thrilled with her weight (19 pounds, 10 oz) and everything, but made DH sad by saying that D will probably be pretty short when she grows up. LOL like it matters (but i guess when you're 6'4" tall you don't really want a super-short kid; might make for awkward hugs and such).
We also told pedi about D signing for potty. This was the first time EC came up in conversation, and she seemed blown away. She was happy that D is communicating so well and doing well with the gentle potty learning. So yay!
And to top it off, i just felt a tooth! i can see it, too. Sweet girl has been not eating solids as well today, and i guess i know why, though. Hopefully she'll get some relief now that it's cutting through the gum. The other bottom one should be up soon, and i suspect the top ones are also through the bone and on their way down the gums (the 2 middle ones top and bottom, that is; lots of other teeth to go though).
Sigh, daycare... i'm at a loss (long)
Yesterday was the second day in a row that D ate half of her bottles at daycare. When i picked her up yesterday, the afternoon worker (who is not the one who feeds her because the bottles are done by the time she gets there) pissed me off royally by telling me to let D "cry it out".
Now, i don't want this section of my blog to get into an anti-CIO tirade or anything. Let me say that i am not a fan of CIO, and DH and i have vowed not to CIO for at least the first year (which we feel should be spent with her learning that we will respond to her needs; the second year will be spent with her learning the difference between needs and wants), but most likely ever. i do recognize that there are times when people really NEED to CIO, and i understand this and am not arguing against it for you and your family. But in D's case, her sleep issues are caused by a medical condition. She wakes up in pain from the reflux multiple times per night, and usually can put herself back to sleep unless she's hungry from not eating enough during the day. Even the pro-CIO crowd say not to do it with kids who have medical issues like we deal with.
OK, so the attempt to explain why i'm anti-CIO without pissing off everyone and their brother is now concluded :). But i REALLY don't think it's daycare's place to tell me to do this! That makes me very angry. So i simply said, "We don't do that." Daycare worker replies, "i don't mean let her cry for hours and hours." "i know what you mean, but that's not something we do. When she wakes up and she's not hungry, she goes back to sleep. But when she's hungry, she can't fall back asleep and needs food. And lately she wakes 3+ times a night and eats a lot at each waking, so i know it's really hungry." i wanted to say, "Now, you listen here! It isn't your place to imply that this is a problem with my parenting!" Grrr...
So we had our 9 month doctor appointment today (more on THAT in a minute! Yay!) and we discussed it with the pedi, who agreed that just because she's not skinny doesn't mean she's not hungry. We pretty much have 3 options: 1) Do nothing, 2) Feed more bottles with less ounces, but this would interfere potentially with solids and we've been advised not to do this because it encourages snacking behavior and doesn't give her a chance to get hungry, and 3) Feed fewer bottles with more ounces. We decided to try number 3, going from five 7-oz bottles per day (which she really only eats maybe 28 oz of before bedtime and then eats 1-2 times @ 5 oz each at night) to four 8-oz bottles per day. Daycare would only feed one bottle per day instead of two and we would add in a solid snack in the afternoon. Pediatrician said this sounded like a good idea. So we tried it today.
i go to drop D off at daycare today and the director is (i suspect) waiting for me, and tells me that the afternoon lady said i was very upset yesterday. i told her my biggest issue is that i'm not being called when D doesn't eat, that i'm home this week recovering from surgery and could have come and fed her yesterday, etc. i must say she didn't seem at all receptive to what i had to say. In the past they've promised to call when she doesn't eat, they just don't. So she told me to call them every single day to find out if D is eating. So i'm supposed to take time from my job every day to find out if they're doing their job that they're being paid for? Sounds pretty screwy to me! Basically they don't believe me that D is hungry. They think she's not hungry, when really she is but it hurts her to eat. Like yesterday after she ate half her bottles, she came home and downed a bottle with relatively little fuss (i cut her off at 7 oz because i wanted her to eat her bedtime bottle) and then ate ELEVEN ounces before bed. Which is unheard of! Tell me she isn't hungry!
The worst part is when i called at 1:45 (new feeding time for the bottle is 1 pm) to see how she'd done, she's eaten only 3 1/4 oz. Of the 8 oz bottle. Needless to say, i was pissed. i hopped in the car (i'd been cleaning before our reassessment tomorrow) and picked her up. Granted by the time i got her home it was 2:00, an hour after her feeding time, but i fed her a new 5 oz bottle and she practically chugged it. She did pretty well with her snack and ate 6 ounces of her 5:00 bottle, but it's 6:30 and she's acting starved. (i'll feed her some solids in 15 minutes or so).
Sigh. Really, i don't know what to do. My gut says move her, but at the same time i don't know if a new daycare can really feed her either. And it will take them time to get used to the special things i have to do to feed her anyway (special way of holding her, working through the pain, etc). In a few months we hope to hire a nanny after the adoption is finalized, so i hate to move her for stability's sake. But at the same time this junk can't continue. i'd feel better about it if they'd even shown the least bit of interest in listening to what i have to say instead of interrupting, arguing, and shifting the blame to me (i.e. i'm overly worried, i should CIO at night, etc).
Anyone want to move to Nashville and open a daycare and care for D as a nanny but really be a licensed daycare? Thanks in advance.
Now, i don't want this section of my blog to get into an anti-CIO tirade or anything. Let me say that i am not a fan of CIO, and DH and i have vowed not to CIO for at least the first year (which we feel should be spent with her learning that we will respond to her needs; the second year will be spent with her learning the difference between needs and wants), but most likely ever. i do recognize that there are times when people really NEED to CIO, and i understand this and am not arguing against it for you and your family. But in D's case, her sleep issues are caused by a medical condition. She wakes up in pain from the reflux multiple times per night, and usually can put herself back to sleep unless she's hungry from not eating enough during the day. Even the pro-CIO crowd say not to do it with kids who have medical issues like we deal with.
OK, so the attempt to explain why i'm anti-CIO without pissing off everyone and their brother is now concluded :). But i REALLY don't think it's daycare's place to tell me to do this! That makes me very angry. So i simply said, "We don't do that." Daycare worker replies, "i don't mean let her cry for hours and hours." "i know what you mean, but that's not something we do. When she wakes up and she's not hungry, she goes back to sleep. But when she's hungry, she can't fall back asleep and needs food. And lately she wakes 3+ times a night and eats a lot at each waking, so i know it's really hungry." i wanted to say, "Now, you listen here! It isn't your place to imply that this is a problem with my parenting!" Grrr...
So we had our 9 month doctor appointment today (more on THAT in a minute! Yay!) and we discussed it with the pedi, who agreed that just because she's not skinny doesn't mean she's not hungry. We pretty much have 3 options: 1) Do nothing, 2) Feed more bottles with less ounces, but this would interfere potentially with solids and we've been advised not to do this because it encourages snacking behavior and doesn't give her a chance to get hungry, and 3) Feed fewer bottles with more ounces. We decided to try number 3, going from five 7-oz bottles per day (which she really only eats maybe 28 oz of before bedtime and then eats 1-2 times @ 5 oz each at night) to four 8-oz bottles per day. Daycare would only feed one bottle per day instead of two and we would add in a solid snack in the afternoon. Pediatrician said this sounded like a good idea. So we tried it today.
i go to drop D off at daycare today and the director is (i suspect) waiting for me, and tells me that the afternoon lady said i was very upset yesterday. i told her my biggest issue is that i'm not being called when D doesn't eat, that i'm home this week recovering from surgery and could have come and fed her yesterday, etc. i must say she didn't seem at all receptive to what i had to say. In the past they've promised to call when she doesn't eat, they just don't. So she told me to call them every single day to find out if D is eating. So i'm supposed to take time from my job every day to find out if they're doing their job that they're being paid for? Sounds pretty screwy to me! Basically they don't believe me that D is hungry. They think she's not hungry, when really she is but it hurts her to eat. Like yesterday after she ate half her bottles, she came home and downed a bottle with relatively little fuss (i cut her off at 7 oz because i wanted her to eat her bedtime bottle) and then ate ELEVEN ounces before bed. Which is unheard of! Tell me she isn't hungry!
The worst part is when i called at 1:45 (new feeding time for the bottle is 1 pm) to see how she'd done, she's eaten only 3 1/4 oz. Of the 8 oz bottle. Needless to say, i was pissed. i hopped in the car (i'd been cleaning before our reassessment tomorrow) and picked her up. Granted by the time i got her home it was 2:00, an hour after her feeding time, but i fed her a new 5 oz bottle and she practically chugged it. She did pretty well with her snack and ate 6 ounces of her 5:00 bottle, but it's 6:30 and she's acting starved. (i'll feed her some solids in 15 minutes or so).
Sigh. Really, i don't know what to do. My gut says move her, but at the same time i don't know if a new daycare can really feed her either. And it will take them time to get used to the special things i have to do to feed her anyway (special way of holding her, working through the pain, etc). In a few months we hope to hire a nanny after the adoption is finalized, so i hate to move her for stability's sake. But at the same time this junk can't continue. i'd feel better about it if they'd even shown the least bit of interest in listening to what i have to say instead of interrupting, arguing, and shifting the blame to me (i.e. i'm overly worried, i should CIO at night, etc).
Anyone want to move to Nashville and open a daycare and care for D as a nanny but really be a licensed daycare? Thanks in advance.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Sleep is still a bear
i write this after picking D up from daycare today to find that, instead of the usual 1-2 oz per bottle that she leaves (times 2 bottles) on a typical day, she left 7 oz total (4 in one bottle and 2 in the other) and only ate 3/4 of her solids at lunch. And i know what this most likely means: another night with multiple night wakings to eat.
Last week was hell, by the way. We moved D's crib into our room so MIL could have the nursery to herself, and she just couldn't sleep well. Part of it was MIL couldn't seem to get D to sleep. Part of it may have been that, when she's upstairs in the nursery and we hear her wake on the monitor, we tend to wait just a bit to see if she falls back to sleep. If she cries out a second time, we go to her, otherwise she puts herself back to sleep and is usually good at it. But when she was in our room, it was easier to get her immediately and harder to wait a bit. And part of it was probably her being in a different place. Not to mention teething.
At any rate, all we've heard since is how she's not sleeping because it's too cold, or too hot, or too hungry, or she's overfed. Thanks, MIL. i'm reading "The No-Cry Sleep Solution", but we're already doing most of the things it suggests, so i'm at a loss. i keep hoping she'll improve with age. Honestly i really feel the biggest culprit is my old arch-nemesis reflux; that since she can't get enough to eat during the day, she gets hungry at night. Which makes me pretty crabby on days like this when she doesn't eat at daycare. i should have just kept her home instead of working on my stupid sewing project and attempting (and failing at) a nap for myself. i just know i'm not 100% up to full health because my patience is lacking.
At any rate, it's been some better since we moved the crib back upstairs, but last night she still woke 3 times for food. We'll see about tonight. Bleh. Crabby me will just wait for the world's sweetest baby to wake from her nap.
Last week was hell, by the way. We moved D's crib into our room so MIL could have the nursery to herself, and she just couldn't sleep well. Part of it was MIL couldn't seem to get D to sleep. Part of it may have been that, when she's upstairs in the nursery and we hear her wake on the monitor, we tend to wait just a bit to see if she falls back to sleep. If she cries out a second time, we go to her, otherwise she puts herself back to sleep and is usually good at it. But when she was in our room, it was easier to get her immediately and harder to wait a bit. And part of it was probably her being in a different place. Not to mention teething.
At any rate, all we've heard since is how she's not sleeping because it's too cold, or too hot, or too hungry, or she's overfed. Thanks, MIL. i'm reading "The No-Cry Sleep Solution", but we're already doing most of the things it suggests, so i'm at a loss. i keep hoping she'll improve with age. Honestly i really feel the biggest culprit is my old arch-nemesis reflux; that since she can't get enough to eat during the day, she gets hungry at night. Which makes me pretty crabby on days like this when she doesn't eat at daycare. i should have just kept her home instead of working on my stupid sewing project and attempting (and failing at) a nap for myself. i just know i'm not 100% up to full health because my patience is lacking.
At any rate, it's been some better since we moved the crib back upstairs, but last night she still woke 3 times for food. We'll see about tonight. Bleh. Crabby me will just wait for the world's sweetest baby to wake from her nap.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Wow, she's getting close!
Yesterday D took her first unassisted step. She was going from the bedside table to the bed (where DH was), and rather than take some sideways steps to get there, she let go while taking a step toward the bed, and she nailed it with more aplomb than any Olympic figure skater :).
And today, her nine monthday, she started REALLY letting go of the furniture to stand for up to 10 seconds by herself, intentionally. Previously she would drop as soon as she realized she was standing unassisted, and i would sometimes try to "fool" her lol, but today she's doing it for fun. She even clapped while doing so one time.
i think she'll be walking before the month is out. i'm thrilled and scared bothatonce.
And today, her nine monthday, she started REALLY letting go of the furniture to stand for up to 10 seconds by herself, intentionally. Previously she would drop as soon as she realized she was standing unassisted, and i would sometimes try to "fool" her lol, but today she's doing it for fun. She even clapped while doing so one time.
i think she'll be walking before the month is out. i'm thrilled and scared bothatonce.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)