Sigh, daycare... i'm at a loss (long)

Yesterday was the second day in a row that D ate half of her bottles at daycare. When i picked her up yesterday, the afternoon worker (who is not the one who feeds her because the bottles are done by the time she gets there) pissed me off royally by telling me to let D "cry it out".

Now, i don't want this section of my blog to get into an anti-CIO tirade or anything. Let me say that i am not a fan of CIO, and DH and i have vowed not to CIO for at least the first year (which we feel should be spent with her learning that we will respond to her needs; the second year will be spent with her learning the difference between needs and wants), but most likely ever. i do recognize that there are times when people really NEED to CIO, and i understand this and am not arguing against it for you and your family. But in D's case, her sleep issues are caused by a medical condition. She wakes up in pain from the reflux multiple times per night, and usually can put herself back to sleep unless she's hungry from not eating enough during the day. Even the pro-CIO crowd say not to do it with kids who have medical issues like we deal with.

OK, so the attempt to explain why i'm anti-CIO without pissing off everyone and their brother is now concluded :). But i REALLY don't think it's daycare's place to tell me to do this! That makes me very angry. So i simply said, "We don't do that." Daycare worker replies, "i don't mean let her cry for hours and hours." "i know what you mean, but that's not something we do. When she wakes up and she's not hungry, she goes back to sleep. But when she's hungry, she can't fall back asleep and needs food. And lately she wakes 3+ times a night and eats a lot at each waking, so i know it's really hungry." i wanted to say, "Now, you listen here! It isn't your place to imply that this is a problem with my parenting!" Grrr...

So we had our 9 month doctor appointment today (more on THAT in a minute! Yay!) and we discussed it with the pedi, who agreed that just because she's not skinny doesn't mean she's not hungry. We pretty much have 3 options: 1) Do nothing, 2) Feed more bottles with less ounces, but this would interfere potentially with solids and we've been advised not to do this because it encourages snacking behavior and doesn't give her a chance to get hungry, and 3) Feed fewer bottles with more ounces. We decided to try number 3, going from five 7-oz bottles per day (which she really only eats maybe 28 oz of before bedtime and then eats 1-2 times @ 5 oz each at night) to four 8-oz bottles per day. Daycare would only feed one bottle per day instead of two and we would add in a solid snack in the afternoon. Pediatrician said this sounded like a good idea. So we tried it today.

i go to drop D off at daycare today and the director is (i suspect) waiting for me, and tells me that the afternoon lady said i was very upset yesterday. i told her my biggest issue is that i'm not being called when D doesn't eat, that i'm home this week recovering from surgery and could have come and fed her yesterday, etc. i must say she didn't seem at all receptive to what i had to say. In the past they've promised to call when she doesn't eat, they just don't. So she told me to call them every single day to find out if D is eating. So i'm supposed to take time from my job every day to find out if they're doing their job that they're being paid for? Sounds pretty screwy to me! Basically they don't believe me that D is hungry. They think she's not hungry, when really she is but it hurts her to eat. Like yesterday after she ate half her bottles, she came home and downed a bottle with relatively little fuss (i cut her off at 7 oz because i wanted her to eat her bedtime bottle) and then ate ELEVEN ounces before bed. Which is unheard of! Tell me she isn't hungry!

The worst part is when i called at 1:45 (new feeding time for the bottle is 1 pm) to see how she'd done, she's eaten only 3 1/4 oz. Of the 8 oz bottle. Needless to say, i was pissed. i hopped in the car (i'd been cleaning before our reassessment tomorrow) and picked her up. Granted by the time i got her home it was 2:00, an hour after her feeding time, but i fed her a new 5 oz bottle and she practically chugged it. She did pretty well with her snack and ate 6 ounces of her 5:00 bottle, but it's 6:30 and she's acting starved. (i'll feed her some solids in 15 minutes or so).

Sigh. Really, i don't know what to do. My gut says move her, but at the same time i don't know if a new daycare can really feed her either. And it will take them time to get used to the special things i have to do to feed her anyway (special way of holding her, working through the pain, etc). In a few months we hope to hire a nanny after the adoption is finalized, so i hate to move her for stability's sake. But at the same time this junk can't continue. i'd feel better about it if they'd even shown the least bit of interest in listening to what i have to say instead of interrupting, arguing, and shifting the blame to me (i.e. i'm overly worried, i should CIO at night, etc).

Anyone want to move to Nashville and open a daycare and care for D as a nanny but really be a licensed daycare? Thanks in advance.