i've decided i hate food as much as D does

Because it's such an issue in our house constantly lol. A month ago she was eating 42 oz in a day (Perhaps a growth spurt? Prior to that she was around 34), and these days she's dropped down to maybe 26ish since Thursday or so. i'm starting to think that she's not just "off" for a few days, but is truly regulating down in intake, which i think happens, it just seems sudden.

Anyway, today i decided to try 5 oz bottles at daycare in hopes she would eat all of them. Alas. She ate 4.5 oz for breakfast, then finished 2 bottles at daycare but only ate 1 oz of the third. At home she ate 2 more. Needless to say, when it was time for her solids dinner, she was READY. To the point of melting into tears when i put her on the high chair (also not unusual these days). i quickly spread some carrots and pears on a piece of toast, tore it into bits, and handed it over.

The toast? Well, not as popular as the pancakes with sweet potatoes yesterday, but she ate some and seemed happy enough to be feeding herself. Just not enough to fill herself up enough to last another hour plus before her last bottle before bedtime (and i learned last weekend NOT to feed that last bottle early or it will be super hard to get her to sleep).

Sooooo... i broke the rules and fed her yogurt a wee bit early (pedi said start around 7 months). We didn't have a lot of options i thought she might eat, and i had some i was about ready to toss, so i figured why not. i mixed some plain greek yogurt with what was left of the sweet potatoes dipped a spoon in it, and handed it over to her. Her coordination with a spoon is quite impressive, and these days she's been so fussy in the evenings that she doesn't want me to feed her, and she was about to have a bath. The result:

Oh, my gosh! If you could see a full-face picture, you'd see some over her eye, a little on her brow, but really she did quite well feeding herself. She couldn't dip the spoon in the bowl to get more (just wanted to use her hands lol), but all i did is put the spoon in the food and let her feed herself. And she did, over and over and over again. i have never seen that kid eat that much solid food in one sitting EVER!

Can you tell i'm super proud of my girl? i can't believe she's only 6 1/2 months and already cruising and feeding herself. i think i'm going to have to get creative with finger foods that she can eat since she doesn't like to eat chunky food yet (she'll chew on a banana or soft-cooked carrot but she'll spit the chunks out so that does no good yet). About all i've been able to do so far is the yogurt, pancakes spread with puree, and toast spread with puree. Age-appropriate suggestions are welcome!

Hopefully we'll both be enjoying dinner time more soon!

We have a court date!

It's just the hearing date so the lawyers and people can get together and find a date that works for everyone for the actual TPR trial. The TPR trial will still most likely happen in mid to late Feb or maybe March. After that there's a 30 day appeal period, and after THAT we can file a petition and get a court date to finalize the adoption. Not sure how long it takes from the time we can file the petition to adopt to when the court date would happen, but realistically i'm guessing we're looking at no sooner than early April for finalization. Which is disappointing, but it's still just a few months away so i'll try not to dwell too much on the delays. Unless there are more of them lol.

In more news, Alan lost his phone on Sunday, and apparently it was found as i got a text that someone tried to set up internet. So i had to suspend service and we'll have to get a new phone i guess. Shame we've got all our Christmas gifts purchased already.

i have come to the conclusion that there are "people with endometriosis" and there are "endometriosis sufferers", and that the latter is but a small percentage of the former. i've been hurting BAD for a week and a half solid, and i just want it to stop already! i have an appointment in Nashville on the 30th and another in Chattanooga on Jan 19th. Hopefully one of these docs will be "my surgeon" and i can get this lapex thing under my belt and feel better, at least for a while.

Update

Two doctor appointments this week, a whole lot of endo pain, a sweet husband with an eye problem. There; you're all caught up. No?

Tuesday was met with horrible endo pain and an appointment at the GI doc for D. GI doc increased Zantac slightly for D's weight gain (15 pounds, 12 oz, yo) and promised to send a note to the feeding specialist to have them call me about starting therapy sessions. She watched me feed D a bottle and saw how she fights and fusses, and said that this plus her eating almost half of her formula at night are typical of a baby with severe reflux that's starting to get better but who still has the food aversion. She said that at night the baby is so sleepy that the hunger instinct just takes over and overrides the desire to push the bottle away, so they eat more. She did feel that D needs some therapy and didn't seem pleased that the specialist sent us away without therapy and also that the specialist hadn't sent her any reports back.

Unfortunately on Thursday the feeding specialist called Alan instead of me, and apparently he was kind of rude and told her that no, we didn't want to do any therapy. So i'm not really sure what to do at this point :(. Poor kid. i can tell you that i'm not going to put formula in the sippy cup as the therapist suggested because i don't want her to associate sippy cups with pain. Sigh.

Thursday we had D's 6 month appointment. 12 pounds 13 oz lol. Also nearly 25 inches. We had asked the pedi about a letter that discusses D's medical history, issues, and potential issues moving forward to submit to the "adoption assistance" people. We don't know yet if D will qualify as "special needs", which means she'll continue to get some benefits from the state (actually from a block grant from the feds). She would get slightly less than her current board stipend, continue on Medicaid, qualify for something like $5k for college (not sure if annually or whatever) in-state down the road, some preferential treatment for some schools like magnet schools, and would qualify for the full $12k federal tax credit at the time of finalization. Of course, we view this as HER money, not ours, and while it makes us really uncomfortable to have to fight for it, we also feel like it's her benefit and we have to be her advocate and get what she deserves if she does, and we would invest this for her future.

Anyway, we asked the pedi to please write a letter that outlines laryngomalacia, reflux, whether or not they may have been caused by either the lack of prenatal care or the drugs/cigarettes/etc, and any future complications that could happen. She said she began the letter but it was really hard to write. One thing she wanted us to ask the caseworker (we did) is whether or not a Barrett score was done on D. This is a test to estimate gestational age based on factors like skin, hair, position, muscle tone, etc. Anyway it wasn't in the medical history the pedi has, and could make a huge difference. Apparently there was notice that the birthmom said that she thought she was in the 7th month, but D was pretty big for that so it's kind of suspect info.

Otherwise everything went fine with the appointments and all, other than D getting a fever from all the shots :(.

Developmentally she's still amazing me on a daily basis. The other day she pulled herself up on my fingers and then walked 9 steps while holding my fingers. That was Tuesday i think. Then Wednesday she balanced herself standing for about 3 seconds. And then today she was cruising (which means walking while holding onto furniture) at the coffee table and decided that she apparently does not like walking sideways, and instead she turned so that her right arm was draped over the coffee table like some kind of frat boy, and took a few steps walking forward. Then she tried to reach for something on the table with her right hand, and couldn't balance and fell backwards on her tushie. She's such a sweet little clown!

Titles are hard to think of!

This will just cover a few things.

1) Still no sign that the state has filed TPR. They were supposed to do it by October 15, but as of November 6 (i think) they had not. The review board set up another review meeting for December 1, and as of then it STILL had not been done! And the review board set up a court date for January 7, so we'll see if the state files by then or gets chewed out by the state.

2) Tonight i got a call from the state about a newborn, but didn't have to say no because they asked if D was still in the home and i said yes, and they said that wouldn't work. Someone will get a good call :).

3) D is really coming along in the milestones, at least the physical ones. Tonight she pulled herself up using my fingers (i didn't move them so she had to adjust herself to them) and then took NINE steps holding onto my fingers. She's cruising furniture (somewhat), but still only belly crawling backwards. i'm thinking she's going to skip crawling and walk instead.

This week we have a GI appointment tomorrow and her 6 month exam on Thursday. The only thing i'm a little worried about is that verbally she's not ahead. Not that she's behind, but everything else she's ahead, so... Okay that sounds silly. But she doesn't repeat sounds.

She also seems to have more of an issue with reflux right now, so hopefully tomorrow's appointment will help with that.

Insurance update

So my HR department contacted the insurance to tell them about there not being in-network options for LAPEX in Nashville. The insurance company came back with a list of Vandy doctors who supposedly do LAPEX.

i have mixed feelings. On one hand, this is good news because it would only cost $2000 instead of $6000 deductible. i wouldn't have to leave the state, and i wouldn't have to beg a judge for permission to take D out of state or to make the incredibly difficult decision to either leave Alan at home with D and recover alone (or at my brother's insane house) or to leave D with someone at about the age when she'll be having separation anxiety to take Alan with me. Those are wonderful things.

On the other hand, i've never heard of these docs. i'm not even entirely convinced that they do LAPEX, or full LAPEX. (Cliff's Notes for newer readers: normal laparoscopy burns the endo off with lasers, but it returns. Lapex, or laparoscopic excision of endometriosis actually cuts the endo out so it can't return.) None of the endo forums or websites online list these docs as endo experts able to do LAPEX. i called to speak to the nurse but was transferred to the person who schedules surgeries, and she told me she's the one who orders the equipment but could not tell me what instrument the surgeons use to perform the LAPEX. (LAPEX is *so* specialized that there's not a mass-produced surgical piece of equipment. Most of the qualified surgeons have designed their own instrument. One uses a teeny tiny pair of electrical scissors, one uses lasers not to burn the endo off but to peel it away, etc.) She didn't look it up, either. i have an appointment with one of the surgeons on 12/30, so hopefully that will shed some light on it. Meanwhile, if any lurkers out there happen on this blog and know anything about the docs at Vandy and their experience with this specific surgery, please comment or email me!

Crazy proud mama!

D had her first 100% poop in the potty tonight! A few weeks ago i was able to catch her poop after she'd gotten started once (or maybe twice), but never when she hadn't. Putting her on the potty just distracted her, but yesterday she was grunting heavily and kept going on the potty. She may have been a little constipated so she didn't ever actually poop, poor thing.

Today, as soon as she started grunting, i took her up to the potty. She tried for a bit and gave up. Then she grunted some more and this time she succeeded 100% on the potty. Amazing!

And the weird thing is when she was a (little) baby she used to poop while eating a bottle. Now she poops while eating solid food in the high chair. Odd.

6 months old!

i am absolutely flummoxed that this little girl is actually six whole months old! Six months ago i didn't know she existed, i didn't know she would soon become the next love of my life, i had no idea what a change my world was going to go through just 2 days later. Wow, it's pretty overwhelming!

i guess you can say things are a little better. At any rate i discovered that DH is having issues getting her to eat, too, lol. i'm starting to think that she may be trying to drop a feeding in the evening, which i'm not sure what to do about exactly. If she liked cereal, i'd give her a big meal in the evenings, but i don't know how much veggies and fruits she'll eat and she hates cereal. She's already eating about 1 Tbsp of veggies and fruit in the evening and then most days another 2 tsp of something in the morning with Alan (when he has time). Maybe if we were to drop this meal, she could eat more in her other bottles, stretch them out just a wee bit, eat more solids, etc. i think i'll mention it to the pedi at her 6 month appointment. For those curious, here's her typical food schedule these days:

6:30 am (all times are give-or-take some) - about 4.5 oz
8:30 am (when Alan has time) - 2 tsp fruit and/or veggie
9:30 am (daycare) - about 5 oz
12:30 pm (daycare) - about 4.5 oz
3:30 pm (daycare) - about 4.5 oz
5:15 pm (home) - 1.5 oz with her meds; she falls asleep while eating
6:00 pm (home) - 2 tsp one veggie plus 1 tsp another veggie or fruit
6:30 pm (home) - usually only about 2-3 oz
8:00 pm (home/bedtime) - about 6-7 oz

Then she usually wakes around 3:30 am and wants about 6 oz, for a grand total of about 34-36 oz per day.

D's balance is getting so good! She now stands and holds onto furniture (and this silly contraption Alan made with a box and a length of PVC pipe) with one hand, and has even taken a few steps. She's slow, she's deliberate, but she's a cruiser!

We had a meeting yesterday with D's caseworker and the county adoption specialist. We talked a bit about whether D would qualify for adoption assistance (the answer is maybe; we won't know for a while yet for sure), and that's about it. Not much else to report except that the petition for TPR *still* has not yet been filed with the state. It was supposed to be done by October 15. Grrrr!