This is going to be long, sorry. And very likely not worth reading. YWIA!
I didn’t get a whole lot of specific answers; most will have to be asked at an appointment with the fertility clinic. Looks like from the time we get an appointment to the fertility clinic, we should be able to start our cycle within a month or so. And it will take about 3-4 weeks to make an appointment. And before I can even get an appointment, I need to lose about 30 pounds.
So the hard realities of dieting and working my butt off begin again with gusto. Damn, you bet! And it’s about time, frankly, as I am truly at my highest weight ever, which is sad because I was super super overweight 3 years ago. I managed to lose about 110 pounds over about 9 months back in 2005, and I know I can do it again. I regained some weight when dealing with wedding planning and just plain sucking and being lazy, and then when my knee injury happened, all hell just broke loose and I blew up like a balloon. Alan is so good about telling me I’m not fat, I’m beautiful, but I told him that has gotta stop! Tell me I’m a fatty already so I don’t get complacent and stop working out.
So don’t be surprised if I AW weight loss. Hopefully weight loss. Sigh. I really hate public stuff like this, but maybe it will help keep me focused.
Last night I got home and worked out on the Wii Fit for a good while, then Alan and I went for a nice walk in the neighborhood (the NCAA tourney allows his schedule to be 8:30-5:30 this week on Thurs and Fri and next week on Thurs and Fri, too. Yay! I know it’s hard on him, but I love it. Only happens once a year though L. Suddenly I love basketball). Then I still had a batch of dog treats to make that a nice Nestie bought from my Etsy store (if you’re reading this; I’ll ship it UPS this evening!), worked a little on jewelry, and made Alan give me a massage. And suddenly it was 9 freaking 30 so I collapsed in bed and watched tv for about 45 minutes before falling asleep. And oh my gosh my back hurts! That’s the body part that’s most out of shape and needs this weight loss/diet/exercise plan the most.
Today I’m planning to eat:
Honey Nut Cheerios with 1% milk for breakfast (yum)
Vegetarian Minestrone Soup for lunch
Greek Yogurt with some strawberries and a teeny bit of Cool Whip as a snack
I also brought a banana; hopefully I won’t need it
Dinner will be “Cresecent Calzones”, which are my own creation made of Reduced Fat Pillsbury Crescent rolls (pinch diagonal cuts to make rectangles instead of triangles), sprinkle with dried basil, oregano, and tarragon, put some fresh torn spinach on top, add a sundried tomato to each (chopped), and add a little mozzarella and feta cheeses, rolled up and sealed, then baked according to the directions on the crescent roll package. Easy peasy and very tasty, and not too bad for you either (approx 244 cal each, 12 g fat, 28 g carb, and 13 g protein). Yay! Probably a little cottage cheese, too, for more protein.
After work I am going to go to the gym (my workplace has a free gym, but it’s not all that well equipped and there are no classes or anything, but it’s still a great benefit) and probably ride the bike for a half hour, then go ship that package of dog treats, then go home and cook dinner, then make Alan go for another walk, then make some jewelry and get ready to mail out some stuff that was bought last night. Hopefully I’ll still have some computer time. I know I tend to be lazy, but I am so going to miss my e-friends! How on earth will I ever manage to spend time on the computer AND exercise a lot AND cook healthy foods when we have a foster kid or fks in the house? Yikes!
Oh, one cool thing I never knew is that my OB/GYN had foster kids in her house her whole life growing up (babies). She said they called them “rent-a-babies”. She’d come home from school and there would be a baby. Then a few weeks or months would go by, no more baby. Then one day there’d be another baby lol. So she was pretty supportive of that part of our journey, too.
Oh, and my goal is 20 pounds by my birthday, which sounds like too much considering the guidelines say 2 pounds per week and this would be 20 pounds in 7 weeks or about 3 pounds a week. But when you are as overweight as I am (these 30 pounds are only to get down to well into the “obese” range instead of the “morbidly obese” range – yikes!), it comes off a little faster because it’s like you’re walking around with 100 pound weights so you get that much extra exercise benefit once you get the metabolism going again. No lectures! It’s my family’s future we’re talking about here! (Secretly I’m hoping to hit the 30 pound mark by then, but I think I may need until Alan’s birthday 2 weeks later to hit that). Sadly this is when we’d hoped to START the cycle, so we may be pushing it off some. But maybe I’ll surprise even myself J.
Of course, it will be VERY hard to exercise when the endo pain is in full force. Right now I’m in that glorious week or so between my period and ovulation. But I can tell the estrogen is rising and I should ovulate probably Monday or Tuesday-ish, which means if I’m lucky I’ll get through the weekend pain-free. Then I’ll be looking at another week or so of intense pain, before having a little bit off before my period. This last time the pain started 2 days BEFORE my period, when I usually get it on the first day. So the good days are fewer and fewer. I did get an Rx for Yaz, which I’ve not heard too many good things about but I know it has a diuretic so it shouldn’t make me gain weight, may even help me lose some. I can’t really start it until Day 3 of my next period, so I should have 2 periods of pain between now and then. Joy. But hopefully the birth control will do its job and provide pain relief. Not sure how I’ll manage during the painful times because it hurts (a lot) to even walk. I can’t imagine any aerobic exercises that won’t hurt like crazy. Maybe I can do Yoga on the Wii Fit and use some hand weights or something, but it’s not very aerobic. I wonder if there’s a hot tub big enough to swim in lol.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Appointment Today
I don’t think I’ve been this nervous about an appointment with the gynecologist since my first visit, and I KNOW I’ve never looked forward to one! I hope I can update later today with the answers to the dozen or so questions I have about IVF. Questions like: When can we do it? Who will our doctor be? What are the side effects? What can I do about the pain between now and then that won’t interfere with the procedure? ARE WE REALLY GOING TO DO THIS??????
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
A Thank You and Pay It Forward
i posted some Pay It Forward (PIF) items to my Etsy shop (adoptionoption.etsy.com) to thank all the great people who've been emotionally and financially supportive of Alan and me on our infertility/adoption/IVF journey. Open to anyone, there are 4 items (so far) available for only the 20 cent listing fee. Even shipping is free. Please take a look or pass the word!
Monday, March 16, 2009
We're APPROVED!!!
i was at dinner with an internet friend and missed Alan's call. He texted me "Call McFurfle". It's a dumb nickname i made up. He's Alan McFallon, which became other variations including McFurfle.
The lady from the state called and told him we were approved! He was busy at work so he didn't get a lot of details about *what* exactly we're approved for (ages, number of kids, etc). We were told about 6 months ago during our interviews that we would be submitted for foster age 4-7 or adoption age 2-7, but sometimes things get changed when they get written up, so who knows. i'm also curious how many kids we would be approved for, since we can take 2, maybe (in a pinch) 3, if they're the same gender.
We are supposed to be loaded into the system tomorrow (meaning next month), and should get our letter of approval soon (meaning midsummer), and could have a placement any day (meaning Christmas). But it's still great news and i'll take it!
The lady from the state called and told him we were approved! He was busy at work so he didn't get a lot of details about *what* exactly we're approved for (ages, number of kids, etc). We were told about 6 months ago during our interviews that we would be submitted for foster age 4-7 or adoption age 2-7, but sometimes things get changed when they get written up, so who knows. i'm also curious how many kids we would be approved for, since we can take 2, maybe (in a pinch) 3, if they're the same gender.
We are supposed to be loaded into the system tomorrow (meaning next month), and should get our letter of approval soon (meaning midsummer), and could have a placement any day (meaning Christmas). But it's still great news and i'll take it!
Long time no write
i'm so sorry it's been so long since i've updated. i've been feeling really low lately, from the endo pain which seems to be getting longer and longer in spells and from the feelings of depression that creep up on me. Even when the physical pain isn't in full force, there's that knowledge that i only have a few "free" days without it before it comes back. Honestly sometimes i think the dreading of it is worse than the actual pain, though it's not exactly a picnic in the park either. It's almost comforting to know there's some physical pain to compliment the hidden emotional pain i've been feeling.
But enough of that. i'm trying to be more positive. On Thursday i have my annual exam with my OB/GYN in which i will be able to discuss in more detail the upcoming IVF. She won't be performing it, of course, but she's had been through 2 IVF cycles personally (and has 2 beautiful kids!), and i think she knows the doctors pretty well and can hopefully recommend one who will work well with us. i don't want a repeat of the first meeting with an RE at that office, for sure! i also have some thoughts about some of the fertility clinic's "prerequisites" for IVF, namely the SPA (aka the "hamster egg test") and the anti-sperm antibody tests for both of us. These tests would normally be done as part of the initial infertility workup on patients, and we already know our fertiliy issues break down to 2 things: 1) my endometriosis and tubal issues, and 2) somewhat poor sperm on Alan's side. The first one = IVF and the second one = ICSI.
ICSI is "inter-cytoplasmic sperm injection", where they use a very very tiny pipette and suck one single good-looking sperm into it, and then inject it straight into the egg to fertilize the egg. They do this with all the eggs that are mature, or sometimes they do it with half the eggs if there are plenty, and then watch the embryos to see which turn out the best, and use those for the Embryo Transfer.
As it appears to me, if someone has a bad hamster egg test, or if they have anti-sperm antibodies, it could mean that couple needs to do ICSI. Okay, fine, but we already know we need ICSI. i don't want to pay another $1000-2000 in tests to tell us we need a $1500 procedure we already know we need (on top of the $12-15k procedure we are doing as well). KWIM? So i definitely want to ask the doctor about that.
OK, so one thing i've worked on during my pathetic blogging absence is things NOT to say to a woman. There are of course tons (like, "Yes, honey, that dress does make you look a little fat", as every man knows), but these are things i've learned through infertility. i hope you enjoy:
Infertility or fertility treatments:
When are you going to have kids?
You’re not getting any younger. You’d better get started?
Why don’t you “just adopt”? (As if the adoption process is like snapping your fingers.)
OMG are you crazy!?! You’re going to end up like that octomom!
I think the government ought to outlaw infertility treatments.
Be thankful! Kids are a lot of work!
Pregnancy:
When are you due? (Don’t ask unless you’re 100% sure she’s pregnant, and even then
I’m sure it gets old fast!)
Are you having twins?
It’s going to be a BIG baby!
Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? (There’s no right answer here other than “All we want is
a healthy baby”, and it’s another one that gets old).
Miscarriage:
At least you know you can get pregnant.
That probably means there was a problem with the baby anyway.
Adoption:
It’s a shame you can’t have your own kids. (Any child someone adopts IS their own child!)
I don’t think I could raise someone else’s child. (See above).
What if her real mom wants her back in a few years?
How much did/will he cost?
Don’t you have to be rich to adopt?
Oh? You’re adopting? When do you go to China? (NOT everyone adopts from China, or
internationally for that matter!)
Why do you want to deal with someone else’s messes? (A child is NOT a mess!)
(horror) How could she just give up her own baby?!? Oh, I guess that's good for people like
you.
Transracial Adoption
Can I touch her hair?
What country is your husband from?
Are you the babysitter?
Did you HAVE him?
Foster/Adoption
(whisper) Was she a crack baby?
I couldn’t foster; I’d get to attached. (As if those who do are some kind of unfeeling
monsters!)
How can you give him back?
And on closing, i started a new book about the IF journey called "Having a Baby" by Cindy Margolis, who apparently is famous (i'm clueless about such things) and came out about her own fertility journey, eventually becoming spokesperson for RESOLVE (the national infertility support group). It's pretty good so far, it's more about her journey but it has a lot of info in it as well. i'm finding it to be very empowering, but maybe a little aggressive (i.e. she suggests that people who've been off birth control for "several months" to seek a fertility specialist, when most RE's won't see patients until they've been ttc unsuccessfully for a full year). But the empowerment and humor are things i can definitely use right now!
But enough of that. i'm trying to be more positive. On Thursday i have my annual exam with my OB/GYN in which i will be able to discuss in more detail the upcoming IVF. She won't be performing it, of course, but she's had been through 2 IVF cycles personally (and has 2 beautiful kids!), and i think she knows the doctors pretty well and can hopefully recommend one who will work well with us. i don't want a repeat of the first meeting with an RE at that office, for sure! i also have some thoughts about some of the fertility clinic's "prerequisites" for IVF, namely the SPA (aka the "hamster egg test") and the anti-sperm antibody tests for both of us. These tests would normally be done as part of the initial infertility workup on patients, and we already know our fertiliy issues break down to 2 things: 1) my endometriosis and tubal issues, and 2) somewhat poor sperm on Alan's side. The first one = IVF and the second one = ICSI.
ICSI is "inter-cytoplasmic sperm injection", where they use a very very tiny pipette and suck one single good-looking sperm into it, and then inject it straight into the egg to fertilize the egg. They do this with all the eggs that are mature, or sometimes they do it with half the eggs if there are plenty, and then watch the embryos to see which turn out the best, and use those for the Embryo Transfer.
As it appears to me, if someone has a bad hamster egg test, or if they have anti-sperm antibodies, it could mean that couple needs to do ICSI. Okay, fine, but we already know we need ICSI. i don't want to pay another $1000-2000 in tests to tell us we need a $1500 procedure we already know we need (on top of the $12-15k procedure we are doing as well). KWIM? So i definitely want to ask the doctor about that.
OK, so one thing i've worked on during my pathetic blogging absence is things NOT to say to a woman. There are of course tons (like, "Yes, honey, that dress does make you look a little fat", as every man knows), but these are things i've learned through infertility. i hope you enjoy:
Infertility or fertility treatments:
When are you going to have kids?
You’re not getting any younger. You’d better get started?
Why don’t you “just adopt”? (As if the adoption process is like snapping your fingers.)
OMG are you crazy!?! You’re going to end up like that octomom!
I think the government ought to outlaw infertility treatments.
Be thankful! Kids are a lot of work!
Pregnancy:
When are you due? (Don’t ask unless you’re 100% sure she’s pregnant, and even then
I’m sure it gets old fast!)
Are you having twins?
It’s going to be a BIG baby!
Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? (There’s no right answer here other than “All we want is
a healthy baby”, and it’s another one that gets old).
Miscarriage:
At least you know you can get pregnant.
That probably means there was a problem with the baby anyway.
Adoption:
It’s a shame you can’t have your own kids. (Any child someone adopts IS their own child!)
I don’t think I could raise someone else’s child. (See above).
What if her real mom wants her back in a few years?
How much did/will he cost?
Don’t you have to be rich to adopt?
Oh? You’re adopting? When do you go to China? (NOT everyone adopts from China, or
internationally for that matter!)
Why do you want to deal with someone else’s messes? (A child is NOT a mess!)
(horror) How could she just give up her own baby?!? Oh, I guess that's good for people like
you.
Transracial Adoption
Can I touch her hair?
What country is your husband from?
Are you the babysitter?
Did you HAVE him?
Foster/Adoption
(whisper) Was she a crack baby?
I couldn’t foster; I’d get to attached. (As if those who do are some kind of unfeeling
monsters!)
How can you give him back?
And on closing, i started a new book about the IF journey called "Having a Baby" by Cindy Margolis, who apparently is famous (i'm clueless about such things) and came out about her own fertility journey, eventually becoming spokesperson for RESOLVE (the national infertility support group). It's pretty good so far, it's more about her journey but it has a lot of info in it as well. i'm finding it to be very empowering, but maybe a little aggressive (i.e. she suggests that people who've been off birth control for "several months" to seek a fertility specialist, when most RE's won't see patients until they've been ttc unsuccessfully for a full year). But the empowerment and humor are things i can definitely use right now!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Blood tests are back!
i'm normal! This is very hard for some to believe, but i have the blood tests to prove it!
Holy crap! i think we're going to do IVF! This is so weird, because 2 weeks ago i was completely over the possibility of having biological kids and just wanted to adopt, the sooner the better. Now that's all been turned upside down.
i'm completely stunned!
Holy crap! i think we're going to do IVF! This is so weird, because 2 weeks ago i was completely over the possibility of having biological kids and just wanted to adopt, the sooner the better. Now that's all been turned upside down.
i'm completely stunned!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
At a loss for a title
Alan and i went to see "Taken" this afternoon. It was... well, if you can suspend disbelief, it didn't totally suck.
Anyway, about 2/3 of the way through the movie, Alan's phone vibrated and he ran out to check the call. i figured it was his work or he would have ignored it and called back. Sometimes his work (tv station) will call and want to know where he left a tape or something. After about 5 minutes, i went to check on him in case it was something more serious.
It was the "director" Alan's been dealing with at DCS. i put "director" in quotes because at this point i strongly suggest she's nothing higher up than the case worker's supervisor. She said there was some more paperwork needed (minor stuff, like they'd given us an old W-9 form and needed it updated, i'd missed a date on a signature, that kind of stuff). Why they didn't notice the other 1700 times that something has been missing (previously mostly due to an overzealous shredder), i cannot say.
So we went to DCS after the movie and filled out that stuff, and listened to non-apologies about how we happened to catch them at a bad time (not today but the last several months, i guess), etc etc. And were told the only person who might hold it up is her supervisor. Huh? i thought she was the supervisor? Hence the comment from the previous paragraph.
Sigh. It doesn't feel like we're any closer than we were in October when our former case worker brought some paperwork by for me to sign, promising to turn our home study in that afternoon. Double sigh.
Anyway, about 2/3 of the way through the movie, Alan's phone vibrated and he ran out to check the call. i figured it was his work or he would have ignored it and called back. Sometimes his work (tv station) will call and want to know where he left a tape or something. After about 5 minutes, i went to check on him in case it was something more serious.
It was the "director" Alan's been dealing with at DCS. i put "director" in quotes because at this point i strongly suggest she's nothing higher up than the case worker's supervisor. She said there was some more paperwork needed (minor stuff, like they'd given us an old W-9 form and needed it updated, i'd missed a date on a signature, that kind of stuff). Why they didn't notice the other 1700 times that something has been missing (previously mostly due to an overzealous shredder), i cannot say.
So we went to DCS after the movie and filled out that stuff, and listened to non-apologies about how we happened to catch them at a bad time (not today but the last several months, i guess), etc etc. And were told the only person who might hold it up is her supervisor. Huh? i thought she was the supervisor? Hence the comment from the previous paragraph.
Sigh. It doesn't feel like we're any closer than we were in October when our former case worker brought some paperwork by for me to sign, promising to turn our home study in that afternoon. Double sigh.
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