Life's Lessons

i thought i learned my lesson about having "control" when i lost my job a few years ago when the economy tanked. And i for sure thought i learned my lesson when we had trouble trying to conceive, and were told we needed the help of a lab to conceive. And then again when we waited a year to be approved to foster/adopt. And then again when our first placement went home. And yet again when Charlotte came home addicted to everything under the sun and it seemed like nothing i did could soothe her little body or soul. And the first time she got sick...

Are you sensing a trend yet? Because i'm learning my lesson again. i never did have control, and as long as i'm a parent, i never will again. i'm writing this as i'm steeling myself to call the director of Charlotte's school again. i'm pretty sure i know what she's going to say, and it's pretty much equivalent to losing my job. i'm pretty sure that if Charlotte isn't losing her spot at this school, she will very soon.

It's so very hard because we're doing absolutely EVERYTHING we know how to do. The only advice we're not taking is harsh advice like "bite her back". And at this point, if i thought it would actually work, i'd probably actually try it, but i know it won't work. It will just teach her that 1) mommy can't be trusted, and 2) mommy bites so it must be okay.

Today we had our first OT session, and i thought it went really well. We learned some good at-home activities to do, and some things we can ask the school to do (if they will, of course), to help. But none of that positive seems to mean much in the face of this upcoming phone call.

i just needed to whine a bit. Thanks for reading (if anyone still reads this blog).