The bad news came

This week has been a really, really bad one, topped off on Friday with the bad news that the family who adopted D's older brother T (19 months) has been found and has "shown interest" in D. i'll let you know how my guts feel once i'm able to travel to 18 states and gather them up, because surely that's how far they were strewn when i was torn to shreds on the inside.

i realize this isn't the end, but it definitely doesn't feel good. The caseworker reminded us that she may decide not to take D, and that legally T isn't D's brother anymore (since T's rights were terminated and he isn't legally D's parents' child anymore) so it doesn't always come down to a case of one parent having the sibling so they automatically get the baby, but that's what it usually boils down to :(.

Here's the interesting back story. T's mom (we're not really sure of her marital status so it could be mom and dad) has 2 daughters, not sure if bio or adopted, and she was wanting to adopt a baby. She knew D/T's mom during a sober patch, and their mom (A) said, "You can adopt my baby and we won't even have to go through DCS." The adopter agreed, got A's address, and turned around and gave it to DCS lol. Probably a wise move. This is how DCS was able to serve her papers. The adopter has had T since birth (was present at the hospital, apparently), and made the comment that she understands how she'd feel if someone tried to take her baby (the word choice was hers), so perhaps she will have empathy. We're just holding on to this and praying that maybe she'd be willing to allow an open relationship between D and T but not move D, but we don't have a whole lot of hope really.

They are going to try to set up a meeting at DCS for next Friday, and we'll get to meet and talk to this lady/family. OMG i am so completely nervous, i just can't even begin to tell you! So this weekend (if poor Alan doesn't have to go to work) will be spent working on D's scrapbook, trying to make it really nice. i think it would be nice for her to see pictures of D over the last almost 7 (!!!) weeks, and maybe she can also see how loved and cared for this little baby really is. God must be sick to death of me and all of my prayers by now.

So obviously none of the rest of the crappy week matters at all except as related to D. Monday, despite the formula switch back to the original Similac RTF, D had a terrible day at the babysitter's, just fussing and fighting her bottle, etc. We also found out that the daycare D was supposed to start at on Monday flaked and gave our spot away. So we spent the rest of the week trying to 1) get D a doctor's appointment, and 2) find another daycare (the babysitter can't take care of her next week because her 16 year old daughter has band camp all week and she doesn't have enough seats in her van for another carseat).

Thankfully we were able to do both. D had her appointment yesterday right after the caseworker visit (bet that waiting room was terrific for Alan, huh?). She weighed 7 pounds 15 ounces, woohoo! Looks like she's growing straight up the growth chart. All along the bottom of the curve, but going up it at least, so that's good. They didn't get her length. The doctor first said, "Sir, all babies spit up." Thank you, Captain Obvious. So Alan gave him the paper i'd typed up listing all her symptoms, the timeline of formula changes, and the things we do to try to make it better, like elevating half her mattress, keeping her upright during and after feeding, etc etc, and how much pain she seems to be in. He also said that the babysitter agrees that she's in pain and very uncomfortable. The doctor said, "Let me look this over and think about it and I'll be back." When he came back, he had a prescription for Zantac (ranatadine or whatever) and a couple of bottles and a can of Similac Sensitive RS formula that already has cereal in it to thicken it. He also didn't get upset that we'd added cereal to her food (yes, i did that horrible thing without a prescription, but i couldn't stand her waiting even a week or two in such pain!), and said he was glad it helped.

On the daycare front, there's an amazing daycare that i'd called originally when looking for daycare that did not have any spots open. Well, as it turns out, they have 2 older babies ready to transition to the toddler room, and they were (and i quote, though i laugh while doing so) "so impressed with D" that they're going to start the transition and take D in. It doesn't hurt that the therapist who sees one of the babysitter's foster kids in home knows the director though lol. Not that D isn't impressive, but it just cracks me up.

OK, i'm off to make some "watch me grow" collages of D next to stuffed animals for the last 6 weeks or so for her scrapbook. Please, if you're the praying type, please say a prayer (or 100) that D is raised in a happy, loving, healthy, nurturing, and most of all SAFE home and family. If that family can be ours, that would be great, but really we just want her to be safe. And if that home isn't with us, please pray that we make it through this. i know we kind of signed up for this as foster parents, but really we had NO IDEA how hard this would be. With the other foster kids, i loved them and wanted the best for them, but they were more like little siblings or niece/nephews and i felt okay about them going home. D is 100% our daughter, maybe not legally and maybe not for long, but our hearts know no different. i honestly don't know how we'll get through this.