Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
i have some awesome friends!
Three of my best "e-friends" (though they are far more than just strangers on the internet) got together and gave D, DH, and me a gift card for a professional photographer and CD of photos. This is to be our first family portrait after the adoption.
i am completely awestruck! i am so beyond amazed at their generosity!
i am completely awestruck! i am so beyond amazed at their generosity!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Adoption Assistance
Or... not. We got an email the other day from D's foster case worker saying that at this time it looks like D will only qualify for deferred assistance. A couple of things: 1) we're not about to accept such an unofficial answer; we want it in writing with an explanation of exactly what she will qualify for and exactly what we'll have to prove later to change deferred to active assistance, and 2) we asked about the appeal process.
We placed a call to D's brother's mom, and she looked over T's paperwork and discovered that T was given active assistance largely because the tests at his 1-year exam showed some concerns. Specifically, his head circumference was disproportionate and he had to have some MRIs and other tests, his retinal picture or whatever showed some sort of anomaly (and their birthfather is blind in one eye, but it's unknown if it was caused by illness or injury or if it could even be hereditary if it WAS illness), and he was predicted to develop asthma (which he has done).
So now we are reticent to sign any paperwork stating D won't get active assistance at least until she's had those tests, just to make sure there are no problems there. We are going to at least push for D to remain on medicaid. After all, she sees 4 specialists, she's been sick multiple times, and she's not likely to suddenly not need the doctor anymore, you know? If they don't continue monthly stipend payments, we'll live. (Though that means we'll have to stretch hard to make a nanny happen, which is REALLY important to me, so that makes me sad...) But medicaid seems the least they can do. And then we should even be able to qualify for the full tax credit, but won't if she gets nothing at all. And with the tax credit, her college will be pretty much paid for, or we can use the money to redo the house when/if she develops asthma and allergies like her brother. Our house is carpet and our furniture is cloth and that would have to change, especially if there's to be hope to keep our dogs.
i know some of you are probably reading this thinking we're greedy, or crazy, or who knows. And i see your point, but honestly we don't view this as being about US at all. It's D's benefit, not ours. If it were ours we wouldn't fight at all; we're both conflict averse. But, as uncomfortable as it makes us, we feel like D deserves parents who will advocate for her best interests and not just roll over under pressure from the state.
So... i'm not so sure at this point if we'll get to adopt D before (or on) her first birthday. Probably not if the doctor won't do the tests before she turns a year old, because we don't want to close that door until we get through those tests at least. Which makes me sad, but we're going to hold the combo adoption/birthday party anyway. And now the tables are turned on the state because there's no pressure to do it before a year from our side. The pressure is all on the state to get us to finalize ASAP because that means that they can stop paying her monthly stipend and her daycare allowance. Every month it drags on now is money out of their pocket. Hopefully that will work to our advantage.
Oh, and Alan's friends at the tv station managed to wrangle a mug shot of D's biological father, as well as his "rap sheet". He's been arrested/convicted of several things, but the convictions are all petty things, mostly shoplifting and failure to appear and running from a police officer. The very last one made me sad: he was arrested for stealing $16 in meat from a grocery store :(. Not that i condone it in the least, but it's good to know that, even with drug and alcohol problems, he's not violent. And while at first glance, D doesn't seem to look like him, as i look at his picture more, i can see her nose in his face, her mouth (when not smiling) in his mouth, and her round head shape in his.
We placed a call to D's brother's mom, and she looked over T's paperwork and discovered that T was given active assistance largely because the tests at his 1-year exam showed some concerns. Specifically, his head circumference was disproportionate and he had to have some MRIs and other tests, his retinal picture or whatever showed some sort of anomaly (and their birthfather is blind in one eye, but it's unknown if it was caused by illness or injury or if it could even be hereditary if it WAS illness), and he was predicted to develop asthma (which he has done).
So now we are reticent to sign any paperwork stating D won't get active assistance at least until she's had those tests, just to make sure there are no problems there. We are going to at least push for D to remain on medicaid. After all, she sees 4 specialists, she's been sick multiple times, and she's not likely to suddenly not need the doctor anymore, you know? If they don't continue monthly stipend payments, we'll live. (Though that means we'll have to stretch hard to make a nanny happen, which is REALLY important to me, so that makes me sad...) But medicaid seems the least they can do. And then we should even be able to qualify for the full tax credit, but won't if she gets nothing at all. And with the tax credit, her college will be pretty much paid for, or we can use the money to redo the house when/if she develops asthma and allergies like her brother. Our house is carpet and our furniture is cloth and that would have to change, especially if there's to be hope to keep our dogs.
i know some of you are probably reading this thinking we're greedy, or crazy, or who knows. And i see your point, but honestly we don't view this as being about US at all. It's D's benefit, not ours. If it were ours we wouldn't fight at all; we're both conflict averse. But, as uncomfortable as it makes us, we feel like D deserves parents who will advocate for her best interests and not just roll over under pressure from the state.
So... i'm not so sure at this point if we'll get to adopt D before (or on) her first birthday. Probably not if the doctor won't do the tests before she turns a year old, because we don't want to close that door until we get through those tests at least. Which makes me sad, but we're going to hold the combo adoption/birthday party anyway. And now the tables are turned on the state because there's no pressure to do it before a year from our side. The pressure is all on the state to get us to finalize ASAP because that means that they can stop paying her monthly stipend and her daycare allowance. Every month it drags on now is money out of their pocket. Hopefully that will work to our advantage.
Oh, and Alan's friends at the tv station managed to wrangle a mug shot of D's biological father, as well as his "rap sheet". He's been arrested/convicted of several things, but the convictions are all petty things, mostly shoplifting and failure to appear and running from a police officer. The very last one made me sad: he was arrested for stealing $16 in meat from a grocery store :(. Not that i condone it in the least, but it's good to know that, even with drug and alcohol problems, he's not violent. And while at first glance, D doesn't seem to look like him, as i look at his picture more, i can see her nose in his face, her mouth (when not smiling) in his mouth, and her round head shape in his.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Gimme 2 steps, gimme 2 steps, mister...
D is starting to actually enjoy standing and walking now! This is crazy considering for 5 months she's been scared to death to stand unassisted. Now she's starting to feel proud about it, and do it on purpose. She's taken a step toward me when Alan walks holding her hands and lets go at the end (she's also fallen face-first and i have to catch her lol!), and she's done the same in reverse. But those are just when she has momentum.
She took one deliberate step toward me last week, but all subsequent attempts resulted in her falling face-first again lol.
But tonight... tonight she not only took a deliberate step toward me (specifically to grab her hand-knitted elephante toy that Bio made for her that she LOVES) and kept her balance afterward instead of falling into my arms, but at one point she even took TWO deliberate steps toward Ellie! It was a beautiful night and i'm so proud of my girl. i think she's going to be officially walking before her first birthday, but then i've been proven wrong before!
On a sad note, or to keep the Skynard metaphor alive with the "the water fell on the floor" line", bedtime puking is my arch-nemesis.
She took one deliberate step toward me last week, but all subsequent attempts resulted in her falling face-first again lol.
But tonight... tonight she not only took a deliberate step toward me (specifically to grab her hand-knitted elephante toy that Bio made for her that she LOVES) and kept her balance afterward instead of falling into my arms, but at one point she even took TWO deliberate steps toward Ellie! It was a beautiful night and i'm so proud of my girl. i think she's going to be officially walking before her first birthday, but then i've been proven wrong before!
On a sad note, or to keep the Skynard metaphor alive with the "the water fell on the floor" line", bedtime puking is my arch-nemesis.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
i reject your negative labels and substitute my own
Difficult = Active, or challenging, or entertaining
Stubborn = Persistent, or tenacious
Destructive = Inventive, mad problem-solving skills
Hyperactive = Energetic, conscientious
Give me your word for a negative trait and i'll give you a word that would put a gleam in every HR director's eye when reading a resume'.
It all started this morning when Alan called, saying, "D is a difficult baby." (i prefer "challenging", but this isn't exactly news.) The answer to my "what happened" is that as soon as he took D to daycare and put her down, she made a beeline for a baby who happened to be in a swing and attempted to steal said baby's pacifier. Several times. Even to the point of slowing down the swing's controls to make it easier on herself. No one better accuse my baby of being a dummy!
When i picked D up this afternoon, the teacher said she's a very stubborn baby. i had to say, "i reject your negative label. She's not 'stubborn', she's 'persistent'." And boy is she! She will stand next to a cabinet that has some drawings taped to it, look to see if the teacher is watching, and try to remove the drawing. Over and over and over again.
i mean, at 10 months old, there's really no such thing as "disciplining" a baby. There's only redirection. But what do you do if you have an un-redirect-able baby? There are days when i'll literally redirect her for a half hour or more, and she just keeps going back to whatever she wanted in the first place. i have to take her out of the room for a good while, and still she'll go straight back to it when we return a lot of the time. i try to let her just have at it as often as i can if it's safe to do so. For example, right now she's obsessed with the china hutch that has a cupboard in the bottom with stemware in it. It's not something i want to drill holes in for child locks, so i guess we'll be boxing up the stemware and letting D open and close those doors to her heart's content. But to showcase my girly's mad problem-solving skills, for the time being i blocked the hutch with 3 chairs. Which D, who can't even walk yet but likes to slide chairs and stools around like they're walkers, moved individually and lined up in a neat little line of 3 chairs just to get to the cabinet.
i love my entertaining little stinker!
Stubborn = Persistent, or tenacious
Destructive = Inventive, mad problem-solving skills
Hyperactive = Energetic, conscientious
Give me your word for a negative trait and i'll give you a word that would put a gleam in every HR director's eye when reading a resume'.
It all started this morning when Alan called, saying, "D is a difficult baby." (i prefer "challenging", but this isn't exactly news.) The answer to my "what happened" is that as soon as he took D to daycare and put her down, she made a beeline for a baby who happened to be in a swing and attempted to steal said baby's pacifier. Several times. Even to the point of slowing down the swing's controls to make it easier on herself. No one better accuse my baby of being a dummy!
When i picked D up this afternoon, the teacher said she's a very stubborn baby. i had to say, "i reject your negative label. She's not 'stubborn', she's 'persistent'." And boy is she! She will stand next to a cabinet that has some drawings taped to it, look to see if the teacher is watching, and try to remove the drawing. Over and over and over again.
i mean, at 10 months old, there's really no such thing as "disciplining" a baby. There's only redirection. But what do you do if you have an un-redirect-able baby? There are days when i'll literally redirect her for a half hour or more, and she just keeps going back to whatever she wanted in the first place. i have to take her out of the room for a good while, and still she'll go straight back to it when we return a lot of the time. i try to let her just have at it as often as i can if it's safe to do so. For example, right now she's obsessed with the china hutch that has a cupboard in the bottom with stemware in it. It's not something i want to drill holes in for child locks, so i guess we'll be boxing up the stemware and letting D open and close those doors to her heart's content. But to showcase my girly's mad problem-solving skills, for the time being i blocked the hutch with 3 chairs. Which D, who can't even walk yet but likes to slide chairs and stools around like they're walkers, moved individually and lined up in a neat little line of 3 chairs just to get to the cabinet.
i love my entertaining little stinker!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Well, crap, i did jinx myself
D didn't STTN either Friday or Saturday night :(. Friday she woke once briefly, and i was able to get her back to sleep with maybe 1/2 oz of formula total. So at least we're not making that worse. Last night, though, she was up twice and wouldn't go back to sleep at 4:30 am for a long time (and i never did). There's more, but i'm too tired to post it right now.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Jinx
i fear this post will totally jinx it, but we've had some good luck (?) with sleep lately. D has slept through the night from 8ish pm to 6ish am (or beyond one day) two nights in a row. Guys, i can't tell you how awesome that feels! Additionally, she STTN two nights last week, just not consecutively. This is almost as many nights STTN in the last 2 weeks as we've had in the last 8 months! Actually more.
What's changed? Well, reflux seems better. i can hear her laryngomalacia a bit, but not too much compared to even a month ago. The only thing *we've* changed is that i stopped giving her yogurt because she seemed to spit up more when that happened. She's still had some dairy, though, mostly in the form of cheese, such as in her spaghetti or other pasta, so i'm not sure that's the total problem. The other thing that's changed is that she's lost weight. Perhaps that makes her meds work better, but one wouldn't think it would affect THAT much. Since we changed the food schedule for daycare the last time, D has lost weight because she's eating more solids and less formula, but she seems full and frankly she was a pretty, um, dense baby to begin with, so i'm not going to stress about. (Please don't misread this; we didn't do this on purpose as any sort of weight control, it just happened naturally and she doesn't seem hungry or grumpy or unhappy. She's also more active of course.)
So, who knows if it will last, but we're enjoying it right now! Alan and i have been talking about limiting her night feeds if she DOES wake at night now. Since her reflux is improving (PLEASE let it have finally turned the corner!), i don't feel as badly about withholding night feeds as i did when she was, say, 6 months old and simply couldn't eat enough during the day because of the reflux. So, i think the strategy will be to feed her just a couple of ounces at night if possible, maybe putting 2 oz in a bottle and then mixing 1 oz with 1 oz formula in another bottle, so she (hopefully) falls asleep on less than 3 oz total. i imagine that if i woke up every night at midnight and ate a big midnight snack, i would start relying on that midnight snack every night and wake up for it. i think we're in that spot with D now. So if we can reduce that reliance on nighttime food without using harsh methods, more the better!
What else is going on in life? Well, work is expectedly crazy right now. i've worked late every night until tonight, but i finally got through the March month-end process (a week late! But it's new to me...), so hopefully i'll have some time to actually streamline the daily processes. i'm finally not feeling horribly sick, and looking forward to a weekend in the beautiful weather.
What's changed? Well, reflux seems better. i can hear her laryngomalacia a bit, but not too much compared to even a month ago. The only thing *we've* changed is that i stopped giving her yogurt because she seemed to spit up more when that happened. She's still had some dairy, though, mostly in the form of cheese, such as in her spaghetti or other pasta, so i'm not sure that's the total problem. The other thing that's changed is that she's lost weight. Perhaps that makes her meds work better, but one wouldn't think it would affect THAT much. Since we changed the food schedule for daycare the last time, D has lost weight because she's eating more solids and less formula, but she seems full and frankly she was a pretty, um, dense baby to begin with, so i'm not going to stress about. (Please don't misread this; we didn't do this on purpose as any sort of weight control, it just happened naturally and she doesn't seem hungry or grumpy or unhappy. She's also more active of course.)
So, who knows if it will last, but we're enjoying it right now! Alan and i have been talking about limiting her night feeds if she DOES wake at night now. Since her reflux is improving (PLEASE let it have finally turned the corner!), i don't feel as badly about withholding night feeds as i did when she was, say, 6 months old and simply couldn't eat enough during the day because of the reflux. So, i think the strategy will be to feed her just a couple of ounces at night if possible, maybe putting 2 oz in a bottle and then mixing 1 oz with 1 oz formula in another bottle, so she (hopefully) falls asleep on less than 3 oz total. i imagine that if i woke up every night at midnight and ate a big midnight snack, i would start relying on that midnight snack every night and wake up for it. i think we're in that spot with D now. So if we can reduce that reliance on nighttime food without using harsh methods, more the better!
What else is going on in life? Well, work is expectedly crazy right now. i've worked late every night until tonight, but i finally got through the March month-end process (a week late! But it's new to me...), so hopefully i'll have some time to actually streamline the daily processes. i'm finally not feeling horribly sick, and looking forward to a weekend in the beautiful weather.
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