Adoption Assistance

Or... not. We got an email the other day from D's foster case worker saying that at this time it looks like D will only qualify for deferred assistance. A couple of things: 1) we're not about to accept such an unofficial answer; we want it in writing with an explanation of exactly what she will qualify for and exactly what we'll have to prove later to change deferred to active assistance, and 2) we asked about the appeal process.

We placed a call to D's brother's mom, and she looked over T's paperwork and discovered that T was given active assistance largely because the tests at his 1-year exam showed some concerns. Specifically, his head circumference was disproportionate and he had to have some MRIs and other tests, his retinal picture or whatever showed some sort of anomaly (and their birthfather is blind in one eye, but it's unknown if it was caused by illness or injury or if it could even be hereditary if it WAS illness), and he was predicted to develop asthma (which he has done).

So now we are reticent to sign any paperwork stating D won't get active assistance at least until she's had those tests, just to make sure there are no problems there. We are going to at least push for D to remain on medicaid. After all, she sees 4 specialists, she's been sick multiple times, and she's not likely to suddenly not need the doctor anymore, you know? If they don't continue monthly stipend payments, we'll live. (Though that means we'll have to stretch hard to make a nanny happen, which is REALLY important to me, so that makes me sad...) But medicaid seems the least they can do. And then we should even be able to qualify for the full tax credit, but won't if she gets nothing at all. And with the tax credit, her college will be pretty much paid for, or we can use the money to redo the house when/if she develops asthma and allergies like her brother. Our house is carpet and our furniture is cloth and that would have to change, especially if there's to be hope to keep our dogs.

i know some of you are probably reading this thinking we're greedy, or crazy, or who knows. And i see your point, but honestly we don't view this as being about US at all. It's D's benefit, not ours. If it were ours we wouldn't fight at all; we're both conflict averse. But, as uncomfortable as it makes us, we feel like D deserves parents who will advocate for her best interests and not just roll over under pressure from the state.

So... i'm not so sure at this point if we'll get to adopt D before (or on) her first birthday. Probably not if the doctor won't do the tests before she turns a year old, because we don't want to close that door until we get through those tests at least. Which makes me sad, but we're going to hold the combo adoption/birthday party anyway. And now the tables are turned on the state because there's no pressure to do it before a year from our side. The pressure is all on the state to get us to finalize ASAP because that means that they can stop paying her monthly stipend and her daycare allowance. Every month it drags on now is money out of their pocket. Hopefully that will work to our advantage.

Oh, and Alan's friends at the tv station managed to wrangle a mug shot of D's biological father, as well as his "rap sheet". He's been arrested/convicted of several things, but the convictions are all petty things, mostly shoplifting and failure to appear and running from a police officer. The very last one made me sad: he was arrested for stealing $16 in meat from a grocery store :(. Not that i condone it in the least, but it's good to know that, even with drug and alcohol problems, he's not violent. And while at first glance, D doesn't seem to look like him, as i look at his picture more, i can see her nose in his face, her mouth (when not smiling) in his mouth, and her round head shape in his.