Alan let me sleep late (until about 5 am = late lmao), and after D got up around 10, i did a load of laundry, did the dishes, went to lunch with Alan, visited a couple of daycare centers and settled on one, came home and weeded the veggie/herb garden (such as it is), did poop patrol in the backyard, went through a bazillion photos of D and sent some to Walgreens for printing, and prepared the new window unit A/C for upstairs (we have central but it's chilly downstairs and sweltering upstairs -- not cool) for installation which will happen this weekend, and did an hour and a half of work from home.
i guess that's about it. If i feel up to it, i'm going to clean the upstairs bath later. But can you tell D was great today, which means it will be a tough night? LOL
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Permanency meeting
Sigh. Not exactly shocking, though disappointing.
First, a definition. The permanency meeting, just as i suspected, is to develop the permanency plan that will have to be met in order for the goal to be achieved. The goals were set as concurrent goals of 1) reunification with birthparents, and 2) exit to relative placement. Adoption wasn't even mentioned. Alas, earwax.
For the goal of reunification to happen, the parents (who, once again, were not present) will have to do several things, including parenting classes, drug rehab (and stability in that area), show stable and legal form of income, pay child support, and a few other things. Oh, yeah, and actually contact DCS lol. They still haven't heard word one from them.
New things we learned:
First, a definition. The permanency meeting, just as i suspected, is to develop the permanency plan that will have to be met in order for the goal to be achieved. The goals were set as concurrent goals of 1) reunification with birthparents, and 2) exit to relative placement. Adoption wasn't even mentioned. Alas, earwax.
For the goal of reunification to happen, the parents (who, once again, were not present) will have to do several things, including parenting classes, drug rehab (and stability in that area), show stable and legal form of income, pay child support, and a few other things. Oh, yeah, and actually contact DCS lol. They still haven't heard word one from them.
New things we learned:
- D had 3 older siblings, not 2. They are 12, 10, and 3, and they were all adopted by a relative. So chances are very good that that relative will also get custody of D, as soon as they can find her (records are sealed, blah blah). 2 of the 3 have the same last name as D, so presumably the same father.
- D's birthparents are both either 29 or about to have their 29th birthday.
- Neither parent indicated any desire to work with CPS when D was taken into custody. They apparently told CPS that they didn't really want her. So there's a chance they'll voluntarily terminate their rights, or that they'll stay hidden until their 6 months expire and be "involuntarily" TPR'd.
So, gentle readers, please continue to say prayers every day (or, like me, at least 100 times a day) that D is raised in a happy, healthy, loving, and stable home. If that home happens to be with Alan and me, that would be great. Otherwise, please just let her stay safe!
OK, cute story time. Alan was telling D about today's meeting last night, and about how we are hoping we can adopt her and then she can stay with the puppies, and the stuffed animals, and mommy and daddy, and the swing, and that we'll buy her a swing set, and we'll give her birthday parties -- and then it happened. She SMILED her first real smile! Alan says it lasted about 45 seconds and she smiled bigger when he smiled bigger, so i think it's real. Sadly, this means our little munchkin is already a party animal lol.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Alan had a busy morning
Well, first, the stats on Baby D from her 2 week doctor's appointment yesterday. She weighs 5 pounds 11 ounces and is 19.5 inches long, up from 5 pounds 6 ounces and 18.5 inches long a week previous (birthweight was 5 pounds 4 ounces and discharge weight 2 days later was 5 pounds 2 ounces, length unknown). Doctor was pleased with her progress, so that's good.
i also got a good amount of sleep last night! Yay! First off, she didn't fuss at all after work yesterday, and i was able to get a lot of housework done for our social worker visit today. i lay on the couch for about an hour around 9, and then slept until 2:30 (set alarm to give Alan a little more sleep). D then slept from about 3:00 until 4:30 (wanting food), and then from about 4:30 until about 6:00 when i got up and fed her to get ready for work. i slept most of that time, of course waking when she would make a noise, but still much better than nothing. And to top it off, she slept from 6:30 until 8:30 for Alan!
This morning we were expecting visitors in the form of an Allstate adjustor re: the infamous tree, and also our social worker. The way this works is that we have a social worker (resource parent support unit), and Baby D has a social worker (foster care unit). Our worker came by this morning to see the baby in our home.
Alan says she was favorably impressed, but perhaps TOO impressed. Apparently we have so much baby stuff that she's concerned that we're getting "too attached". You just can't NOT get attached (despite nearly all the clothes and probably a fourth of the bigger items having been donated). If you are, you're not doing your job as foster parent right. So boo on her for that. We are very much hoping that we can someday adopt D, but we also realize that nothing in foster care is that easy, that even though today the plan may look like adoption, there's still a chance the caseworker will decide to pursue reunification, or a judge will, or that a qualified relative will come forward. And technically we won't have "dibs" on adopting D until she's been in our home for a full year, so if Termination of Parental Rights were to happen when D is 11 1/2 months old, the state could turn around and give her to some other adoptive parents even if they're not relatives. We know all this intellectually. But you can't watch a helpless 5 pound baby shake and quake from the effects of the drugs her mother did while pregnant, watch that little girl in horrible agony through no fault of her own and help ease her through it with all the patience and tenderness you have in you and not get attached. It's just not possible, and if that's the kind of foster parents they're looking for, then they're not doing those kids any favors.
Would it completely tear us apart inside to see her leave? Yes, absolutely, and that will be the case whether she leaves tomorrow or in 2 years. i just can't see myself loving her any more tomorrow than i do today. End of story. But we'll put our own needs aside for the case of Baby D, to do whatever is right for her (or whatever the court system decides is right). If Solomon were going to cut her in two, you'd better believe i'd give her up to save her life.
Oh, yeah, and on the insurance thing. The adjustor estimated $1600 in damages and gave us a check for $1100. They are going to try to subrogate the damages (in other words, to make her insurance pay them back), but i'm not sure if we'll have to eat the $500 or if they'll get it from the neighbor or her insurance. But booooooo for being out $500 through no fault of our own. Not to mention, of course, all the hassle. And they only gave us $92 for the fence. Granted it's a cheap fence, but a roll of fencing material will cost that much, i think. It did when we put the fence up anyway.
i also got a good amount of sleep last night! Yay! First off, she didn't fuss at all after work yesterday, and i was able to get a lot of housework done for our social worker visit today. i lay on the couch for about an hour around 9, and then slept until 2:30 (set alarm to give Alan a little more sleep). D then slept from about 3:00 until 4:30 (wanting food), and then from about 4:30 until about 6:00 when i got up and fed her to get ready for work. i slept most of that time, of course waking when she would make a noise, but still much better than nothing. And to top it off, she slept from 6:30 until 8:30 for Alan!
This morning we were expecting visitors in the form of an Allstate adjustor re: the infamous tree, and also our social worker. The way this works is that we have a social worker (resource parent support unit), and Baby D has a social worker (foster care unit). Our worker came by this morning to see the baby in our home.
Alan says she was favorably impressed, but perhaps TOO impressed. Apparently we have so much baby stuff that she's concerned that we're getting "too attached". You just can't NOT get attached (despite nearly all the clothes and probably a fourth of the bigger items having been donated). If you are, you're not doing your job as foster parent right. So boo on her for that. We are very much hoping that we can someday adopt D, but we also realize that nothing in foster care is that easy, that even though today the plan may look like adoption, there's still a chance the caseworker will decide to pursue reunification, or a judge will, or that a qualified relative will come forward. And technically we won't have "dibs" on adopting D until she's been in our home for a full year, so if Termination of Parental Rights were to happen when D is 11 1/2 months old, the state could turn around and give her to some other adoptive parents even if they're not relatives. We know all this intellectually. But you can't watch a helpless 5 pound baby shake and quake from the effects of the drugs her mother did while pregnant, watch that little girl in horrible agony through no fault of her own and help ease her through it with all the patience and tenderness you have in you and not get attached. It's just not possible, and if that's the kind of foster parents they're looking for, then they're not doing those kids any favors.
Would it completely tear us apart inside to see her leave? Yes, absolutely, and that will be the case whether she leaves tomorrow or in 2 years. i just can't see myself loving her any more tomorrow than i do today. End of story. But we'll put our own needs aside for the case of Baby D, to do whatever is right for her (or whatever the court system decides is right). If Solomon were going to cut her in two, you'd better believe i'd give her up to save her life.
Oh, yeah, and on the insurance thing. The adjustor estimated $1600 in damages and gave us a check for $1100. They are going to try to subrogate the damages (in other words, to make her insurance pay them back), but i'm not sure if we'll have to eat the $500 or if they'll get it from the neighbor or her insurance. But booooooo for being out $500 through no fault of our own. Not to mention, of course, all the hassle. And they only gave us $92 for the fence. Granted it's a cheap fence, but a roll of fencing material will cost that much, i think. It did when we put the fence up anyway.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Court today (sort of)
D had court today again (rescheduled from last Monday when most likely people hadn't been served). Birthparents still didn't show up. Mom had been served and dad hadn't but had been called. Rescheduled again for July 10.
The caseworker said that they are going to try to set up a case plan of adoption, instead of reunification/working with birthparents. Also they are not required to contact D's bio siblings' adopters because the bio sibs' rights were terminated, so legally they are not D's sibs. i'm not sure how i feel about this... Of course i'm selfishly happy, but at the same time i think D has a right to be raised with family if it's a safe environment. i'm also wildly curious why they may not *want* to contact the sibs' families.
So what does the above paragraph mean? i don't really know. i think it's still a very long process, but it could be significantly shorter now than it would have been had they chosen an initial case plan of RU. Like a year shorter, potentially. i am so excited and trying not to be at the same time!
Tomorrow Alan is taking D to the doctor for her 2 week checkup. (Today is D's 2 week birthday, yay!). i'm betting she's over 6 pounds now; her preemie clothes are too small now. Then Wednesday Alan is hosting our case worker (different from D's) for a post-placement visit. This is so crazy!
In other news, a tree fell on our house yesterday. It's our neighbor's tree, very much on their property, but it fell into our house. Just damaged the fence, a couple of windows, and the roof overhanging the garage. Unfortunately somehow, despite the tree being rotten, it's our responsibility. Bah!
The caseworker said that they are going to try to set up a case plan of adoption, instead of reunification/working with birthparents. Also they are not required to contact D's bio siblings' adopters because the bio sibs' rights were terminated, so legally they are not D's sibs. i'm not sure how i feel about this... Of course i'm selfishly happy, but at the same time i think D has a right to be raised with family if it's a safe environment. i'm also wildly curious why they may not *want* to contact the sibs' families.
So what does the above paragraph mean? i don't really know. i think it's still a very long process, but it could be significantly shorter now than it would have been had they chosen an initial case plan of RU. Like a year shorter, potentially. i am so excited and trying not to be at the same time!
Tomorrow Alan is taking D to the doctor for her 2 week checkup. (Today is D's 2 week birthday, yay!). i'm betting she's over 6 pounds now; her preemie clothes are too small now. Then Wednesday Alan is hosting our case worker (different from D's) for a post-placement visit. This is so crazy!
In other news, a tree fell on our house yesterday. It's our neighbor's tree, very much on their property, but it fell into our house. Just damaged the fence, a couple of windows, and the roof overhanging the garage. Unfortunately somehow, despite the tree being rotten, it's our responsibility. Bah!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
100th post - woot!
i've been holding off posting for a few days because i wanted to post something good for #100. But i suck and can't come up with a thing. Sigh.
Yesterday was fun. Got to sleep until 5 am (from 10:30, plus i napped about an hour earlier Friday evening), then D and i went to Home Depot and bought a big planter for our front porch and some flowers. Then we planted them.
When Alan got up around 1:30 (we let each other sleep in lol), we went out to eat lunch and then went shopping at Home Depot again (because i frigging forgot the tomato frame thingie for my poor plant, and we decided to get a couple of smaller pots to go on a plant stand behind the big one, and some more flowers for said pots.
After Home Depot, we went to Target and spent copious amounts of money spoiling the little girl. We got a swing that has a polar bear and a penguin on it (our favorites) and a playmat with whales (another favorite). She loved the mat, not so much the swing yet. Boo! i was so looking forward to it providing me with sleep... Alas.
My only disappointment was that, when out with her alone, no one asked me if she looks like her daddy. i wanted to say, "i have no idea; i never met him" and walk off. Since court is tomorrow, there's a good chance i won't be able to say that anymore. Boo!
Yesterday was fun. Got to sleep until 5 am (from 10:30, plus i napped about an hour earlier Friday evening), then D and i went to Home Depot and bought a big planter for our front porch and some flowers. Then we planted them.
When Alan got up around 1:30 (we let each other sleep in lol), we went out to eat lunch and then went shopping at Home Depot again (because i frigging forgot the tomato frame thingie for my poor plant, and we decided to get a couple of smaller pots to go on a plant stand behind the big one, and some more flowers for said pots.
After Home Depot, we went to Target and spent copious amounts of money spoiling the little girl. We got a swing that has a polar bear and a penguin on it (our favorites) and a playmat with whales (another favorite). She loved the mat, not so much the swing yet. Boo! i was so looking forward to it providing me with sleep... Alas.
My only disappointment was that, when out with her alone, no one asked me if she looks like her daddy. i wanted to say, "i have no idea; i never met him" and walk off. Since court is tomorrow, there's a good chance i won't be able to say that anymore. Boo!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Some updates
D is still doing great! Every day her D/E symptoms get less and less, and every day she sleeps a little better and looks a little cuter!
Yesterday i took her to a WIC (Women, Infants, Children) appointment to get her signed up, and they weighed her and checked her length. She was 18.5 inches long and weighed 5 pounds, 6 ounces. Which is actually great because her birthweight was 5 pounds, 4 ounces, and she was discharged at 5 pounds, 2 ounces. They like to see newborns regain their birth weight within the first 2 weeks, and she did is probably less than a week, so that's awesome. She also gained 4 ounces in 4 1/2 days in our house, so that's awesome. Maybe she won't be swimming in newborn clothes for long. She already seems to be getting closer to filling out the preemie stuff (but not just yet). WIC doesn't offer the kind of formula that D uses, so we'll have to do a slow transition from ready-to-feed to powdered formula, but it seems like it will be pretty convenient.
We also survived her first day with the babysitter. i had to go back to work yesterday afternoon :(. i could so totally be a SAHM if we could afford it. Alas, but at least she's in great hands. i think i only cried about 3 times because i missed her so much.
In Fred news, my ute feels like it could explode. i'm on CD3, so the pain is pretty horrendous. i'm back to heat rashes from the heating pads at work and killing my liver with Advil.
i got a call from my OB/GYN's nurse a while ago this morning. She said that she talked to Dr. M, and Dr. M said she would not contact the insurance company about surgery because it wouldn't do any good and they would turn it down. i said, "Well what's the harm in contacting them and at least trying? This is something she's told me repeatedly that she's not able to do, so why not at least *try* to get approval for someone who can do it?" She said, "i'm sorry but Dr. M was very adamant. You can schedule a consultation with her to discuss it if you'd like." i said, "That makes so much sense. Let's charge the insurance company for an office visit with the doctor who can't help and just make the assumption that insurance won't pay for something i actually need without even asking them. Thanks." And hung up. i tried to be polite in general but i was PISSED. Especially since my 6:00 am Advil was about wearing off at 10:00 am and i'm still not getting sleep at night.
As i was getting ready to write an ugly letter to Dr. M (i tend to write a really awful letter when i'm pissed, then delete it and type the real one -- helps get the aggression out), my cell phone rang. Which is bad because i'm not allowed to have cell phones at work because of the camera, and i totally forgot i'd popped it in my purse this morning since i don't have pockets on my dress. Normally i drop it in my car's console when i get out, but i forgot today. But i digress. Anyway, Dr. M then called my office phone and said that she had misunderstood what i wanted. She thought i had wanted her to REFER me to the other doctors, not to call the insurance company stating medical necessity, etc etc. There's not a hellofalot of difference actually, but at least she had a change of heart and is willing to call. She said as long as what i want her to say is within the scope of the truth, she'll do it, but warned me not to get my hopes up.
So, that's my life at the moment...
Yesterday i took her to a WIC (Women, Infants, Children) appointment to get her signed up, and they weighed her and checked her length. She was 18.5 inches long and weighed 5 pounds, 6 ounces. Which is actually great because her birthweight was 5 pounds, 4 ounces, and she was discharged at 5 pounds, 2 ounces. They like to see newborns regain their birth weight within the first 2 weeks, and she did is probably less than a week, so that's awesome. She also gained 4 ounces in 4 1/2 days in our house, so that's awesome. Maybe she won't be swimming in newborn clothes for long. She already seems to be getting closer to filling out the preemie stuff (but not just yet). WIC doesn't offer the kind of formula that D uses, so we'll have to do a slow transition from ready-to-feed to powdered formula, but it seems like it will be pretty convenient.
We also survived her first day with the babysitter. i had to go back to work yesterday afternoon :(. i could so totally be a SAHM if we could afford it. Alas, but at least she's in great hands. i think i only cried about 3 times because i missed her so much.
In Fred news, my ute feels like it could explode. i'm on CD3, so the pain is pretty horrendous. i'm back to heat rashes from the heating pads at work and killing my liver with Advil.
i got a call from my OB/GYN's nurse a while ago this morning. She said that she talked to Dr. M, and Dr. M said she would not contact the insurance company about surgery because it wouldn't do any good and they would turn it down. i said, "Well what's the harm in contacting them and at least trying? This is something she's told me repeatedly that she's not able to do, so why not at least *try* to get approval for someone who can do it?" She said, "i'm sorry but Dr. M was very adamant. You can schedule a consultation with her to discuss it if you'd like." i said, "That makes so much sense. Let's charge the insurance company for an office visit with the doctor who can't help and just make the assumption that insurance won't pay for something i actually need without even asking them. Thanks." And hung up. i tried to be polite in general but i was PISSED. Especially since my 6:00 am Advil was about wearing off at 10:00 am and i'm still not getting sleep at night.
As i was getting ready to write an ugly letter to Dr. M (i tend to write a really awful letter when i'm pissed, then delete it and type the real one -- helps get the aggression out), my cell phone rang. Which is bad because i'm not allowed to have cell phones at work because of the camera, and i totally forgot i'd popped it in my purse this morning since i don't have pockets on my dress. Normally i drop it in my car's console when i get out, but i forgot today. But i digress. Anyway, Dr. M then called my office phone and said that she had misunderstood what i wanted. She thought i had wanted her to REFER me to the other doctors, not to call the insurance company stating medical necessity, etc etc. There's not a hellofalot of difference actually, but at least she had a change of heart and is willing to call. She said as long as what i want her to say is within the scope of the truth, she'll do it, but warned me not to get my hopes up.
So, that's my life at the moment...
Monday, June 8, 2009
Whoa!
This morning about 8:30 i called D's case worker again. i left a message asking for her to call me to discuss the case, to find out when court and the CFTM are, etc. She didn't call me again.
As i was getting my lunch (also breakfast) ready at 12:30 pm, i asked Alan when i should call her back. He suggested calling now but not leaving a message if she didn't answer. She DID answer. She wanted to know why i wasn't in the Child and Family Team Meeting at 8:30 this morning. Gee, no one told me about it (which is why i've been trying to call her!). She also mentioned that D has court at 1:00 today. WHAT?!?!?!
OMG talk about a quick rush. i was wearing shorts and a tee shirt, NOT court clothes, and my hair was still wet from my shower. i had on no makeup (i rarely wear any but usually for something like that i'll throw on some eyeshadow and mascara). In fact i hadn't even brushed my teeth because i was going to wait until after lunch.
Threw poor D in the car and hightailed it to court. Alan took his own car and called his boss on the way, since he was supposed to be at work at 1:00. Miraculously, we made it before court was really in session, about 1:10 pm. Took a while to get D settled, but at 1:30 i gave her her bottle and she was an angel after that. Whew!
Here's what i know: At least one of D's siblings has the same father. Not sure about the other. Everyone including the judge remembered that case; in fact the judge had represented the mother. Hoping he's impartial... That's about all i know. Parents weren't in court (if you ask me they probably hadn't been notified either). There MAY be an aunt interested in D but all they have is a first name and phone number.
Sigh. The roller coaster begins. Next court date is next Monday. Prayers welcome.
As i was getting my lunch (also breakfast) ready at 12:30 pm, i asked Alan when i should call her back. He suggested calling now but not leaving a message if she didn't answer. She DID answer. She wanted to know why i wasn't in the Child and Family Team Meeting at 8:30 this morning. Gee, no one told me about it (which is why i've been trying to call her!). She also mentioned that D has court at 1:00 today. WHAT?!?!?!
OMG talk about a quick rush. i was wearing shorts and a tee shirt, NOT court clothes, and my hair was still wet from my shower. i had on no makeup (i rarely wear any but usually for something like that i'll throw on some eyeshadow and mascara). In fact i hadn't even brushed my teeth because i was going to wait until after lunch.
Threw poor D in the car and hightailed it to court. Alan took his own car and called his boss on the way, since he was supposed to be at work at 1:00. Miraculously, we made it before court was really in session, about 1:10 pm. Took a while to get D settled, but at 1:30 i gave her her bottle and she was an angel after that. Whew!
Here's what i know: At least one of D's siblings has the same father. Not sure about the other. Everyone including the judge remembered that case; in fact the judge had represented the mother. Hoping he's impartial... That's about all i know. Parents weren't in court (if you ask me they probably hadn't been notified either). There MAY be an aunt interested in D but all they have is a first name and phone number.
Sigh. The roller coaster begins. Next court date is next Monday. Prayers welcome.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)