D has decided to call Alan "Bob." And "Bob" is starting to ask questions. Like "Whoooooo is Bob?" LMAO! There is no Bob.
Poor girl has been sick lately. She had some sort of stomach bug (which of course i also got) and then she got a cold on top of it. But she seems to be nearly back to normal now. Thank goodness, because she puked on me two nights in a row, and i mean PUKE. A whole lot of puke. Fun times.
We're back in the habit of her waking between 1 and 3 am, and then usually around 6, and then sleeping until about 7:30 am. i think we can manage this, and it seems like we'll have to because she's still not drinking a lot of formula during the day. She's getting about 18 oz before bedtime these days and then another 5-6 in the middle of the night. Her appetite for food seems to be s-l-o-w-l-y improving. Yesterday she ate about 18 oz of puree, which is way more than usual. We're finding some combinations that she likes, particularly zucchini and spinach.
i was wondering why no one has posted any comments for a long time, even about TPR, and then i realized i had inadvertently changed my settings. It's open to registered users again. Oops, sorry.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
TPR
Yesterday was the "big" TPR trial. i'm actually a little shocked at just how anticlimactic it was.
At 2:30, they called us into the court room, and they swore D's caseworker in. We were the only ones there for D's case; her birthparents didn't come, the birthparents' attorneys weren't even present, the Guardian Ad Litem wasn't there, etc. Then the state's attorney asked "leading questions" of the caseworker. Things like, "Have you been the caseworker for ______ since she came into custody?" "Yes." Some of it wasn't even true! "Was _____ born on June 6, 2009?" (At which point, DH and i shook our heads no lol -- she was born on June 1, 2009). Not that it was a big deal. They didn't mention the drug use; they only dealt with abandonment. In the end, the judge "so ordered" that the parental rights be terminated.
It's really hard to believe that the last 9.5 months have really built up to this point. Really? This? It should be such a HUGE thing for a parent to lose their child and for a child to lose their birthparents. i only hope that D's life will be as painless as yesterday was.
Next steps? Within a week or know, we should know if they're going to deem D to be "special needs" or not, and decide if we want to appeal it in some way. We will have to sign some paperwork stating that we do intend to adopt, etc etc. And in 30 more days we can file our Petition to Adopt, and then get a court date. We'll have to decide for sure if we want to adopt in our home county (and if so, more than likely the adoption will finalize ON her 1st birthday!) or go to a surrounding county (it could be a little sooner there, and we won't have to wait through the whole docket).
i'm really just in tears as i write this. For our little girl to be OUR little girl... wow!
At 2:30, they called us into the court room, and they swore D's caseworker in. We were the only ones there for D's case; her birthparents didn't come, the birthparents' attorneys weren't even present, the Guardian Ad Litem wasn't there, etc. Then the state's attorney asked "leading questions" of the caseworker. Things like, "Have you been the caseworker for ______ since she came into custody?" "Yes." Some of it wasn't even true! "Was _____ born on June 6, 2009?" (At which point, DH and i shook our heads no lol -- she was born on June 1, 2009). Not that it was a big deal. They didn't mention the drug use; they only dealt with abandonment. In the end, the judge "so ordered" that the parental rights be terminated.
It's really hard to believe that the last 9.5 months have really built up to this point. Really? This? It should be such a HUGE thing for a parent to lose their child and for a child to lose their birthparents. i only hope that D's life will be as painless as yesterday was.
Next steps? Within a week or know, we should know if they're going to deem D to be "special needs" or not, and decide if we want to appeal it in some way. We will have to sign some paperwork stating that we do intend to adopt, etc etc. And in 30 more days we can file our Petition to Adopt, and then get a court date. We'll have to decide for sure if we want to adopt in our home county (and if so, more than likely the adoption will finalize ON her 1st birthday!) or go to a surrounding county (it could be a little sooner there, and we won't have to wait through the whole docket).
i'm really just in tears as i write this. For our little girl to be OUR little girl... wow!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
"Mama!" "Dada!"
Yes, friends, she said both "mama" and "dada" with what seems to be real intent yesterday. And, i am slightly thrilled to say, she said "mama" first, but only by a few minutes.
The sad part of the story is that yesterday was a truly crappy day for me. On Thursday evening, i threw my back into spasms doing the oh-so-exciting-and-aerobic-activity of Feeding The Baby A Bottle. (i capitalized it to make it seem like an exciting and aerobic activity). Yes, i am capable of screwing my body up for days simply by Feeding The Baby A Bottle. Am i not the most talented human?
Well, Alan got home early on Thursday and Friday because of March Madness (my highlight every year for 4 brilliant workdays; it will repeat this week -- hooray!). So he gave me a nice massage on Thursday night, but it wasn't enough. i didn't sleep at all, and was in great pain. i also felt a little sick at my stomach; not like i was going to vomit, but just very queasy. i went ahead and went to work, but i was feeling awful when Alan got home at 6:15 or so.
i firmly planted myself in my "recovery recliner", and Alan played with D in our bedroom so i could participate to whatever degree i was capable. i sort of zoned out for a moment, and hear "Mama" near me, and there she was crawling toward me, reaching up for me. Awwww! Melt my heart!
Then we played this "game" where she crawled all over me and the recliner, determined to jump the cliff between the recliner and the bed. Yikes! And as she was going toward Alan on the bed, she said, "Dada!" Awwwwww! i am so in love with this kid!
The sad part of the story is that yesterday was a truly crappy day for me. On Thursday evening, i threw my back into spasms doing the oh-so-exciting-and-aerobic-activity of Feeding The Baby A Bottle. (i capitalized it to make it seem like an exciting and aerobic activity). Yes, i am capable of screwing my body up for days simply by Feeding The Baby A Bottle. Am i not the most talented human?
Well, Alan got home early on Thursday and Friday because of March Madness (my highlight every year for 4 brilliant workdays; it will repeat this week -- hooray!). So he gave me a nice massage on Thursday night, but it wasn't enough. i didn't sleep at all, and was in great pain. i also felt a little sick at my stomach; not like i was going to vomit, but just very queasy. i went ahead and went to work, but i was feeling awful when Alan got home at 6:15 or so.
i firmly planted myself in my "recovery recliner", and Alan played with D in our bedroom so i could participate to whatever degree i was capable. i sort of zoned out for a moment, and hear "Mama" near me, and there she was crawling toward me, reaching up for me. Awwww! Melt my heart!
Then we played this "game" where she crawled all over me and the recliner, determined to jump the cliff between the recliner and the bed. Yikes! And as she was going toward Alan on the bed, she said, "Dada!" Awwwwww! i am so in love with this kid!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Daycare - AGAIN
i am so far beyond the edge of the daycare cliff tonight.
As you probably know, we've had problems for a long time with them feeding D enough formula during the day. Which is understandable because she IS difficult to feed. But my big issue is they don't call me, and then i pick her up and there's no way to make up for it, and the poor girl wakes hungry several times a night. This is the third such situation.
The last time, they told me i had to call them daily to check on her. i have to work, obviously, and i have meetings, and it's difficult. After they said that, they backed off a couple of days later when DH talked to them and again promised to call me. Part of the confusion is my employer: i work at a manufacturing plant and many employees can't get personal phone calls. i work in the offices and have a direct line, so that's not a problem. They again promised to call me if she doesn't eat well.
We changed her schedule so they feed her one solids meal (~4-4 oz) and one solids snack (~2-2.5 oz) and one bottle (8 oz). We sent an "emergency" solid pack (~4 oz) with instructions that if she eats less than 6 oz of the formula, to feed her the solids and to call me.
Today, she ate 2.5 oz of the formula. 2.5 oz!!! They didn't call, either; instead they fed her HALF of the emergency solids. i got her home and had a really hard time keeping her awake to feed her bottle, which she finished at the sacrifice of her nap, which was totally skipped. She ate dinner, had a bath, and by the time i gave her the bedtime bottle, she was dead to the world and only ate 3 oz. i think i'm going to break the cardinal rule and half-wake her to feed a bottle, or at least a few more oz, around 10:00 in hopes she doesn't wake 4-5 times tonight like she has the last 2 nights.
So tomorrow i make a call to the GI doc and the regular pedi, and start looking for a new daycare. i just don't think we can do this for the next 3 months until she's "weaned" off formula. i'm just in tears tonight, and i think my dogs are scared of me because as soon as i put D to bed, i screamed and kicked the crap out of one of the dog's food bowls. He was less than pleased, i can tell you.
As you probably know, we've had problems for a long time with them feeding D enough formula during the day. Which is understandable because she IS difficult to feed. But my big issue is they don't call me, and then i pick her up and there's no way to make up for it, and the poor girl wakes hungry several times a night. This is the third such situation.
The last time, they told me i had to call them daily to check on her. i have to work, obviously, and i have meetings, and it's difficult. After they said that, they backed off a couple of days later when DH talked to them and again promised to call me. Part of the confusion is my employer: i work at a manufacturing plant and many employees can't get personal phone calls. i work in the offices and have a direct line, so that's not a problem. They again promised to call me if she doesn't eat well.
We changed her schedule so they feed her one solids meal (~4-4 oz) and one solids snack (~2-2.5 oz) and one bottle (8 oz). We sent an "emergency" solid pack (~4 oz) with instructions that if she eats less than 6 oz of the formula, to feed her the solids and to call me.
Today, she ate 2.5 oz of the formula. 2.5 oz!!! They didn't call, either; instead they fed her HALF of the emergency solids. i got her home and had a really hard time keeping her awake to feed her bottle, which she finished at the sacrifice of her nap, which was totally skipped. She ate dinner, had a bath, and by the time i gave her the bedtime bottle, she was dead to the world and only ate 3 oz. i think i'm going to break the cardinal rule and half-wake her to feed a bottle, or at least a few more oz, around 10:00 in hopes she doesn't wake 4-5 times tonight like she has the last 2 nights.
So tomorrow i make a call to the GI doc and the regular pedi, and start looking for a new daycare. i just don't think we can do this for the next 3 months until she's "weaned" off formula. i'm just in tears tonight, and i think my dogs are scared of me because as soon as i put D to bed, i screamed and kicked the crap out of one of the dog's food bowls. He was less than pleased, i can tell you.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Parenting is the Opposite of Pet Ownership!
The more i read about being the kind of parent i want to be, the more i realize i have SO much to learn! And the more i realize that pet ownership, in particular dog training, is actually counterproductive to that goal.
First, what kind of parent do i want to be? Well, i would prefer to focus on what gifts i hope to give my children. What i want for my kids is for them to be individuals who are confident, creative, and empathetic and sensitive as adults. i tend to worry far too much about what others think of me, whether i am liked, and in particular about what authority figures think of me. The idea of disappointing my parents kept me from a lot of things that could have been good and could have been bad, but could have been MINE. For example, i didn't live in the kind of home in college and after college because i didn't want to disappoint them. i never did get that nose ring i've wanted since i was 13. i didn't go to the kind of college i wanted to go to because my parents told me i couldn't leave the state. i married the wrong man (my first husband) too early because i felt some internal pressure to do so (all my brothers and sisters were married and had kids already by this point; of course they're all 5+ years older than i!), and i stayed in that marriage far too long because i feared what my family thought of me "giving up" (despite the fact that 2 of my sisters were divorced and remarried!). i worry about praise at work, and when i don't get it, i burn out quickly. My parents were wonderful in so many ways, but i think this is a direct result of both my personality and my parents' parenting of me. Needless to say, i don't desire this for my kids.
A lot of what i've been reading, from authors like Alfie Kohn and Lawrence Cohen and Adele Faber/Elaine Mazlish, propose that this is too often a result of parents, perhaps innocently, using value judgments around their kids. Instead of saying, "i'm proud of you" (which puts the emphasis on what the parent feels -- pride over the child's actions -- instead of what the child feels -- pride over accomplishing something difficult or doing the "right" thing), one is encouraged to say, "i bet you're proud of yourself" (which puts the emphasis on what the child feels while giving it a name so the child can recognize it, and encourages the child to seek out actions that cause similar feelings of pride rather than simply seeking out praise from the parents and teachers). Instead of saying, "Good job!" (which is a value judgment, perhaps it's positive but it's still a value judgment as much as saying "Bad job" is), one is encouraged to ask questions, like "How did you figure out how to make the tree look so real?"
Now, some may disagree with this style of parenting (here i go again trying not to piss anyone off), or may think it goes too far (and probably it can), but it makes a lot of sense to me, probably because i DON'T have the traits i want for my kids. But as a long-time pet owner and sometimes dog trainer, i CAN tell you that positive praise is pretty much the staple of dog training. As a praise and approval junkie (both giving and receiving), i can tell you that this is not going to be an easy transition for me!
First, what kind of parent do i want to be? Well, i would prefer to focus on what gifts i hope to give my children. What i want for my kids is for them to be individuals who are confident, creative, and empathetic and sensitive as adults. i tend to worry far too much about what others think of me, whether i am liked, and in particular about what authority figures think of me. The idea of disappointing my parents kept me from a lot of things that could have been good and could have been bad, but could have been MINE. For example, i didn't live in the kind of home in college and after college because i didn't want to disappoint them. i never did get that nose ring i've wanted since i was 13. i didn't go to the kind of college i wanted to go to because my parents told me i couldn't leave the state. i married the wrong man (my first husband) too early because i felt some internal pressure to do so (all my brothers and sisters were married and had kids already by this point; of course they're all 5+ years older than i!), and i stayed in that marriage far too long because i feared what my family thought of me "giving up" (despite the fact that 2 of my sisters were divorced and remarried!). i worry about praise at work, and when i don't get it, i burn out quickly. My parents were wonderful in so many ways, but i think this is a direct result of both my personality and my parents' parenting of me. Needless to say, i don't desire this for my kids.
A lot of what i've been reading, from authors like Alfie Kohn and Lawrence Cohen and Adele Faber/Elaine Mazlish, propose that this is too often a result of parents, perhaps innocently, using value judgments around their kids. Instead of saying, "i'm proud of you" (which puts the emphasis on what the parent feels -- pride over the child's actions -- instead of what the child feels -- pride over accomplishing something difficult or doing the "right" thing), one is encouraged to say, "i bet you're proud of yourself" (which puts the emphasis on what the child feels while giving it a name so the child can recognize it, and encourages the child to seek out actions that cause similar feelings of pride rather than simply seeking out praise from the parents and teachers). Instead of saying, "Good job!" (which is a value judgment, perhaps it's positive but it's still a value judgment as much as saying "Bad job" is), one is encouraged to ask questions, like "How did you figure out how to make the tree look so real?"
Now, some may disagree with this style of parenting (here i go again trying not to piss anyone off), or may think it goes too far (and probably it can), but it makes a lot of sense to me, probably because i DON'T have the traits i want for my kids. But as a long-time pet owner and sometimes dog trainer, i CAN tell you that positive praise is pretty much the staple of dog training. As a praise and approval junkie (both giving and receiving), i can tell you that this is not going to be an easy transition for me!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Such a little comedienne
Tonight in her bath, D was saying "Dada", which is different from her usual babbling of "dadadada". i said, "Can you say 'mama'?" "Dada." "Not 'dada'; 'mama'." "Dada" followed by peals of the most beautiful laughter in the world. It's like wedding bells.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Now for the good stuff
D said her first word today!!!! It was at the doctor's office, and she looked at a picture of a baby on the door of the exam room and waved. i waved and said, "Let's wave 'hi' to the baby" and she waved again and said, "Hi!" So cute!
Pedi was thrilled with her weight (19 pounds, 10 oz) and everything, but made DH sad by saying that D will probably be pretty short when she grows up. LOL like it matters (but i guess when you're 6'4" tall you don't really want a super-short kid; might make for awkward hugs and such).
We also told pedi about D signing for potty. This was the first time EC came up in conversation, and she seemed blown away. She was happy that D is communicating so well and doing well with the gentle potty learning. So yay!
And to top it off, i just felt a tooth! i can see it, too. Sweet girl has been not eating solids as well today, and i guess i know why, though. Hopefully she'll get some relief now that it's cutting through the gum. The other bottom one should be up soon, and i suspect the top ones are also through the bone and on their way down the gums (the 2 middle ones top and bottom, that is; lots of other teeth to go though).
Pedi was thrilled with her weight (19 pounds, 10 oz) and everything, but made DH sad by saying that D will probably be pretty short when she grows up. LOL like it matters (but i guess when you're 6'4" tall you don't really want a super-short kid; might make for awkward hugs and such).
We also told pedi about D signing for potty. This was the first time EC came up in conversation, and she seemed blown away. She was happy that D is communicating so well and doing well with the gentle potty learning. So yay!
And to top it off, i just felt a tooth! i can see it, too. Sweet girl has been not eating solids as well today, and i guess i know why, though. Hopefully she'll get some relief now that it's cutting through the gum. The other bottom one should be up soon, and i suspect the top ones are also through the bone and on their way down the gums (the 2 middle ones top and bottom, that is; lots of other teeth to go though).
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