It's Okay to be the Parent AND the Friend

I think I've been trying to write this Blog entry for at least a couple of months now, but I haven't been able to find the words. I know it was brewing even before the hubbub about the man who taped himself shooting his daughter's laptop and then posted it on her Facebook wall in response to her writing some things that were very disrespectful of her parents, but that event certainly got my mind churning even more on the topic. I know I read the words "the problem with parents today is they want to be their kids' friends, not their parents" over and over in the aftermath. I even read that on the dad's own Facebook wall a couple of days after his video went viral.

The thing is, that phrase really bothers me. I have been having trouble putting into words the reason why, but I found this Blog entry that explains it far more succinctly than I ever could. To me, friends are people who know you in good times and bad and care about you no matter what. Sounds like a parent fits the bill there perfectly. A friend is someone who appreciates your unique qualities. Sounds like a GOOD parent to me ;).

In a way, I think one thing that was missing from my parents' parenting of me WAS friendship and respect. Oh, I was obedient, but only because I was terrified of letting my parents down, not because I respected the rules. I certainly did things that were varying degrees of "bad" when I was reasonably assured I wouldn't get caught. But I always felt as if I would be loved less not only for disobeying, but for thinking differently. Every comment I made about how I felt about something was cut off, and I was told why I should feel a different way, or should have acted a different way, or why I was wrong and the other person was right. Every comment I made was a chance to give some sage advice, thereby dismissing whatever I was going through. I think a little more acceptance and true friendship would have been a good thing. And I vow to at least TRY to listen with less judgment and give less awesome advice than my gut reaction would dictate.

Oh, and on the man who shot the laptop? I don't really judge him. It was within his rights to do it as he provided the laptop, and as a minor his daughter doesn't technically "own" anything. His weapon was very close to the laptop so obviously he wasn't in danger of accidentally hurting nearby traffic or neighbors or anything like that. He was doing what he thought was right, and I can respect that (even if IMO he did react just as immaturely as his daughter's original Facebook rant). I haven't parented a teen yet and I don't know what I would do if really motivated and ALL my buttons were pushed. And while I'm a little less strict than a lot of parents, I really do think I balance "kind and firm" pretty well. I don't let my kiddo get away with murder; I just handle her discipline positively, with regard to the person she'll become rather than the current disobedient behaviors. But I really don't think it's such a bad thing to be a friend AND a parent. In fact, I think the problem with parents today is there aren't enough who are willing to be a friend AND a parent. Too many want to be just one or the other.